Why didn't they give Legolas the ring?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Why didn't they give Legolas the ring?

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

coolest dudes tho is the two blue wizards who wandered off the job and went native, given the wizardly proclivity for weed i have to assume they ended up in some magical opium den somewhere, twin heads of a criminal organization and surrounded by an asiatic harem

# ? Jan 4, 2015 16:37

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# ? May 14, 2024 07:56

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

The hobbit villages were gandalfs go to harem/opium den

# ? Jan 4, 2015 16:39

a whole buncha crows: May 8, 2003; WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

saruman takes over the shire in the great weed wars

# ? Jan 4, 2015 16:52

KiteAuraan: Aug 5, 2014; JER GEDDA FERDA RADDA ARA!

Nation posted:

saruman takes over the shire in the great weed wars

warning: this post is canon.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 17:02

nomadologique: Mar 9, 2011; DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO

the easterlings know they only as... The Double Dragons

# ? Jan 4, 2015 17:09

FallenGod: May 23, 2002; Unite, Afro Warriors!

Dongattack posted:

Ugh. It annoys me every time someone brings this up, i.e. "Why didn't an eagle just fly the Ring into Mount Doom?"

The reason the Ringbearer did not fly to Mordor by Eagle is fairly simple: the purpose of the Fellowship of the Ring and the linchpin of the entire strategy decided on in Rivendell was to destroy the Ring in a mission of secrecy.

Taking the Eagles might have worked, I will grant that. It may have been a successful mission and allowed the Ring to be destroyed earlier than it "actually" was. However, it would have sacrificed secrecy and drastically increased the changes of the Ring being captured. When you have the fate of the world hanging in the balance, you don�t want to take any unnecessary chances.

Eagles are, clearly, far more noticeable than Hobbits or other travelers on foot. We don�t know how exactly Gandalf planned to get into Mordor, but we can surmise that they would have gone through a mountain pass or valley some where. We know of only three (the Morannon, Cirith Ungol, and the Nameless Pass), but it stands to reason that there were more. Not ideal ones, perhaps (though Cirith Ungol itself was not ideal), but mountains are not impenetrable and continuous walls of rock.

An Eagle flying through the air would be easily noticed by Orcs or other watchers (remember the sinister and sorcerous ones at the Tower of Cirith Ungol � there might have been more). Travelers on foot could sneak around much more easily, scout ahead (especially with a ranger), and slip by unnoticed (remember how quiet hobbits are?). The Eagles might have been able to slip by unnoticed, but it would have become far more likely that they would have been caught. Once inside Mordor (if they even make it), there is still the chance that the Eagles could be caught. There are the threats of the Nazgul�s fell beasts, and archers (the Eagles in The Hobbit were afraid of shepherds with bows, so one can imagine how they might react to trained soldiers).

The "classic" Eagle plan, (i.e. simply flying to Mount Doom and dropping the Ring into it), would not work for a couple of reasons. First, the Ring could not just be dropped into the caldera; it had to be taken into the Crack of Doom itself: the center of Sauron�s sorcererous powers. The Crack of Doom was at the end of a tunnel that bored into the mountainside, and an Eagle would likely not fit inside, so it would have to bring have a rider. This would limit the height to which it could fly (the rider would need to breathe) and its agility during a fight. Yet more possibilities for failure. Second, a giant Eagle landing on the slope of Mount Doom would be quickly evident to any troops stationed there. A small group of people on foot might be able to sneak up unnoticed. Again, the Eagle plan might work, but it increases the chances of being caught.

In conclusion, the Council of Elrond did not know exactly what to expect in Mordor, so they had to plan for the worst (i.e., assume the worst case scenario for each possible solution). The Fellowship plan was itself a very long shot and indeed, it failed in its original conception, though obviously a fragment of the Fellowship persisted. The Eagle plan raises such a host of potential issues and problems that I think it is quite understandable why the Council opted to send people on foot. As I mentioned at the beginning, their concern was stealth, not speed.

I enjoy that some guy decided to write all of that out on his website and still miss the entire point of the books. It doesn't matter how the fellowship got to Mount Doom, none of them would have willingly destroyed the ring anyway.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 17:52

Kitchner: Nov 9, 2012; IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER; Clapping Larry

FallenGod posted:

I enjoy that some guy decided to write all of that out on his website and still miss the entire point of the books. It doesn't matter how the fellowship got to Mount Doom, none of them would have willingly destroyed the ring anyway.

Gandalf knew

# ? Jan 4, 2015 17:54

Dongattack: Dec 20, 2006; by Cyrano4747

FallenGod posted:

I enjoy that some guy decided to write all of that out on his website and still miss the entire point of the books. It doesn't matter how the fellowship got to Mount Doom, none of them would have willingly destroyed the ring anyway.

wow, boromir would have

#boromir

# ? Jan 4, 2015 17:58

Linnear: Nov 3, 2010

Zzulu posted:

Gandalf should have made really cool armor for himself and went into powerful dudebro form himself, since apparently thats a thing they can do

Naaaah, they forced all the wizards into oldman bodies, so they could be humble and stuff and know the pains of being mortal and ugly. Glowing really bright seems to be the best they can manage.

Also Gandalf was scared shitless of Sauron and tried to beg his bosses not to send him.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:10

DeepQantas: Jan 13, 2008; Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

FallenGod posted:

I enjoy that some guy decided to write all of that out on his website and still miss the entire point of the books. It doesn't matter how the fellowship got to Mount Doom, none of them would have willingly destroyed the ring anyway.

Well Frodo didn't either, so it really is a wash.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:19

FallenGod: May 23, 2002; Unite, Afro Warriors!

DeepQantas posted:

Well Frodo didn't either, so it really is a wash.

Yes, I was including the hobbits in the fellowship. Whole thing was doomed from the start.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:23

DeepQantas: Jan 13, 2008; Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

It was greed that saved the seven kingdoms in the end. Greed and slippery feet.

...

Legolas would've been the worst choice. Should've given the ring to Gimli.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:25

Chill la Chill: Jul 2, 2007; Don't lose your gay

Yes nobody would've dropped the ring in.

*Frodo drops the ring in*

Yep

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:27

Chill la Chill: Jul 2, 2007; Don't lose your gay

It was gravity that destroyed the ring, ultimately

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:27

DeepQantas: Jan 13, 2008; Ah, to be a Hero... Keeping such company...

Chill la Chill posted:

*Frodo drops the ring in*

He dropped his ring finger, not the ring.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:38

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

Chill la Chill posted:

Yes nobody would've dropped the ring in.

*Frodo drops the ring in*

Yep

no it was the gypsy who had stolen the ring and then accidentally fell in to the volcano

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:39

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

what if they sent a normal sized eagle?

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:49

Chill la Chill: Jul 2, 2007; Don't lose your gay

DeepQantas posted:

He dropped his ring finger, not the ring.

Gandalf should've given clearer instructions

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:54

Rad Gravity: Mar 14, 2012

Hogge Wild posted:

no it was the gypsy who had stolen the ring and then accidentally fell in to the volcano

Was literally shoved into the volcano by God himself you mean.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 18:56

Necrothatcher: Mar 26, 2005

Hypothetically would some kind of manned drone been a good ring delivery system? Or would the effects of the ring be felt by the operator of said drone?

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:02

Do it ironically: Jul 13, 2010; by Pragmatica

why didn they just fly on the eagles and drop it in the volcano seems p simple

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:05

Mike the TV: Jan 14, 2008; Ninety-nine ninety-nine ninety-nine; Pillbug

honestly the seven kingdoms might have been better off with sauron in control

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:15

Nefarious: Sep 26, 2000; by XyloJW

What constitutes "wearing" the ring? Like if I shoved it up my rear end would I still turn invisible or no?

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:24

Gatts: Jan 2, 2001; Goodnight Moon; Nap Ghost

Nefarious posted:

What constitutes "wearing" the ring? Like if I shoved it up my rear end would I still turn invisible or no?

I think you have to put something in the hole. So if you put your dick through it and wear it, it'd work. But if you put it up your rear end, then no, because it's like a ring within a ring.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:26

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

Gatts posted:

I think you have to put something in the hole. So if you put your dick through it and wear it, it'd work. But if you put it up your rear end, then no, because it's like a ring within a ring.

On the downside it would make your penis try to take over Middle Earth

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:28

unpacked robinhood: Feb 18, 2013; by Fluffdaddy

etalian posted:

On the downside it would make your penis try to take over Middle Earth

your penis would become even more invisible

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:35

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Why don't the godbeings who sent Gandalf on his mission just get to work themselves and smoke Sauron with their godpowers

were they just lazy?

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:52

sat on my keys!: Oct 2, 2014

Zzulu posted:

Why don't the godbeings who sent Gandalf on his mission just get to work themselves and smoke Sauron with their godpowers

were they just lazy?

Last time they did that they inadvertently destroyed a whole continent

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:53

naem: May 29, 2011

Zzulu posted:

Why don't the godbeings who sent Gandalf on his mission just get to work themselves and smoke Sauron with their godpowers

were they just lazy?

They fought melkor the evil God and all had to leave the material plane after defeating him because, reasons

Nefarious posted:

Evangeline Lily is really just an off brand Kate Beckinsale.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:54

Zzulu: May 15, 2009; (â°ËvËâ°)

Evangeline Lily has a cool name and I want her to sit on my weiner

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:55

Harald: Jul 10, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

Nefarious posted:

What constitutes "wearing" the ring? Like if I shoved it up my rear end would I still turn invisible or no?

no but your dad would

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:56

Deadbeat Poetry: Mar 6, 2004; Sorry if my costume scared you

Nefarious posted:

Evangeline Lily is really just an off brand Kate Beckinsale.

Truer words never spoken.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 19:56

Supreme Allah: Oct 6, 2004; everybody relax, i'm here; Nap Ghost

nomadologique posted:

although definitely the best sauron form is the seducer of numenor, i imagine him as a tall and perfectly formed black man a la nyarlathothep

There was a plan at the end to have Sauron show up at the black gate as a handsome angel, I thought that would have been neat, since everyone is expecting a terrible monster.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 20:04

Hogge Wild: Aug 21, 2012; by FactsAreUseless; Pillbug

Harald posted:

no but your dad would

# ? Jan 4, 2015 20:06

Dean of Swing: Feb 22, 2012

has anyone made a serious post in this cool thread yet cause I want to laugh at it.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 20:08

Tony Homo: Oct 30, 2014; by zen death robot

unpacked robinhood posted:

your penis would become even more invisible

# ? Jan 4, 2015 20:30

BottledBodhisvata: Jul 26, 2013; by Lowtax

There's a perfectly good explanation for why the Eagles weren't involved. Jeffrey just has better things to do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HOlkacZwjs

# ? Jan 4, 2015 20:48

naem: May 29, 2011

Dean of Swing posted:

has anyone made a serious post in this cool thread yet cause I want to laugh at it.

the one where I said I had sex with girls (it's true)

# ? Jan 4, 2015 20:59

etatoby: Feb 12, 2003; China makes me cry

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

They're the salt of the earth good country folk who just want a stroll down to the pub for a pint without being bothered by a mob of orcs jabbering in their savage mussulman tongue while the elves are cultured but decadent and homosexual continentals. Only one group has the moral fortitude to wield the one ring of fascism justly

^^^ best reading ever

so is the book any better than the movies?

I tried to read it once but fell asleep right after tom bombadil and couldn't go on� that book is boooooooooring

# ? Jan 4, 2015 21:54

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# ? May 14, 2024 07:56

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

etatoby posted:

^^^ best reading ever

so is the book any better than the movies?

I tried to read it once but fell asleep right after tom bombadil and couldn't go on� that book is boooooooooring

The book is better than movie since it has more gratuitous sex scenes

# ? Jan 4, 2015 22:04

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