"Anonymous Confessions: The legend of pissbitch".

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Poldarn: Feb 18, 2011

bradzilla posted:

Yeah, just use a condom so you feel next to nothing! Walla!

Increases my stamina by 300%!

7 seconds to 21 seconds

# ? Jul 24, 2016 15:33

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 10, 2024 02:16

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Hedrigall posted:

"Walla"? You've never seen that word written down, have you?

hurrr

Hopper posted:

Of course a goon who never had sex would assume this myth about condoms is true.

lol

# ? Jul 24, 2016 15:39

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

Poldarn posted:

Increases my stamina by 300%!

7 seconds to 21 seconds

Hate to break it to you, but that's only a 200% increase.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 15:41

Poldarn: Feb 18, 2011

My other confession is that I'm bad at math.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 15:45

Putty: Mar 21, 2013; HOOKED ON THE BROTHERS

yo charizard is actually pretty hardcore sometimes

# ? Jul 24, 2016 17:32

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Putty posted:

yo charizard is actually pretty hardcore sometimes

Blastoise superiority

I used to believe in you Putty :cripes:

# ? Jul 24, 2016 17:44

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

I can't stop buying stupid poo poo. I spent $200 on Elite Dangerous to get access to every DLC that comes out. I only played that game for a month. I also spent around $200 on the Dark Souls board game Kickstarter that I'm probably never going to play anyway. I should just tear up my credit cards right now.

quote:

I am a recently retired NFL football player, and have been a member of SA since high school. I played for a perennially ranked high school football program and have multiple state rings and a national championship, a big time college football program, and I played two years in the league before retiring due to injury concerns. I was never a jock though, I kept books in my locker, was on the chess team and in computer club, and always was a bit of an outsider. I was cool by association because I knew all the guys, spent alot of time with them and was good at football. I wasn't famous, and you wouldn't recognize my name. I was drafted very late.

I'm in my mid twenties and I wake up every morning feeling like a car wreck. I have to wear straps and tape one of my wrists to do anything physical, because I've fractured it four times. My ankles are stiff and I limp around the first hour or two of every day. Sometimes my back goes and I just collapse. Shopping with the girlfriend, getting brunch, walking around, whatever.Its incredibly embarrassing. Thank god I've never had a concussion, but I've fractured two ribs, one of my shoulders pops out randomly due to repeated dislocations, torn labrum, fractured wrists (both of them),bone spurs all over my feet, most of my fingers have been broken...the worst is my middle and ring finger on my right hand. I tried to pin a tackle and take the corner around him and my hand slid up into his face mask, and my fingers got caught in between the bars, and I went around him, but my fingers stayed. They broke sideways like twigs....I got taped up and missed one play. The culture surrounding injuries is so macho, but there's no other way to handle it. It's always next man up, and someone is always looking to take your job, and the doctors are entirely negligent. They'll drug you up, inject you and do everything to put you on the field on Saturday or Sunday. It's less bad in college, but the NFL is loving criminal. I could open a loving pharmacy with the pills I have. Everyone keeps a little extra around....you don't finish a script, you just save it, cause you never know when you might have a hard practice, or need something to get out of bed in the morning. Alot of guys medicate with weed since they only test once a year unless you have a reputation or history as a pothead.

At least the team didn't collect my rookie signing bonus for bailing on the contract two years early.

I'm white and I played mostly special teams, strong safety and weakside linebacker.

ask me poo poo if you want

# ? Jul 24, 2016 18:21

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

H.H posted:

I am a recently retired NFL football player, and have been a member of SA since high school. I played for a perennially ranked high school football program and have multiple state rings and a national championship, a big time college football program, and I played two years in the league before retiring due to injury concerns. I was never a jock though, I kept books in my locker, was on the chess team and in computer club, and always was a bit of an outsider. I was cool by association because I knew all the guys, spent alot of time with them and was good at football. I wasn't famous, and you wouldn't recognize my name. I was drafted very late.

I'm in my mid twenties and I wake up every morning feeling like a car wreck. I have to wear straps and tape one of my wrists to do anything physical, because I've fractured it four times. My ankles are stiff and I limp around the first hour or two of every day. Sometimes my back goes and I just collapse. Shopping with the girlfriend, getting brunch, walking around, whatever.Its incredibly embarrassing. Thank god I've never had a concussion, but I've fractured two ribs, one of my shoulders pops out randomly due to repeated dislocations, torn labrum, fractured wrists (both of them),bone spurs all over my feet, most of my fingers have been broken...the worst is my middle and ring finger on my right hand. I tried to pin a tackle and take the corner around him and my hand slid up into his face mask, and my fingers got caught in between the bars, and I went around him, but my fingers stayed. They broke sideways like twigs....I got taped up and missed one play. The culture surrounding injuries is so macho, but there's no other way to handle it. It's always next man up, and someone is always looking to take your job, and the doctors are entirely negligent. They'll drug you up, inject you and do everything to put you on the field on Saturday or Sunday. It's less bad in college, but the NFL is loving criminal. I could open a loving pharmacy with the pills I have. Everyone keeps a little extra around....you don't finish a script, you just save it, cause you never know when you might have a hard practice, or need something to get out of bed in the morning. Alot of guys medicate with weed since they only test once a year unless you have a reputation or history as a pothead.

At least the team didn't collect my rookie signing bonus for bailing on the contract two years early.

I'm white and I played mostly special teams, strong safety and weakside linebacker.

ask me poo poo if you want

ya ever suck a weener?

# ? Jul 24, 2016 18:37

kalel: Jun 19, 2012

NFL goon you should write a book about it. an expose or something

# ? Jul 24, 2016 19:39

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

that's why I don't sports

# ? Jul 24, 2016 20:01

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Celluloid Sam posted:

that's why I don't sports

have you ever head of a little thing called E-SPORTS :grin:

# ? Jul 24, 2016 20:02

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Nooner posted:

have you ever head of a little thing called E-SPORTS

no never

# ? Jul 24, 2016 20:04

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

if you were really in the NFL you'd be rich as gently caress and could pay doctors to fix all that poo poo

# ? Jul 24, 2016 20:36

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

"have been a member of SA since high school. [...] the girlfriend,"

Immersion ruined! < :saddowns:

# ? Jul 24, 2016 20:39

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Jose posted:

if you were really in the NFL you'd be rich as gently caress and could pay doctors to fix all that poo poo

Not necessarily. In 2 years he might have made a cool million but that's all. The real money doesn't come until free agency which is like 5 years after you're drafted. He was probably on league minimum salary.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 20:41

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

please watch the "broke" episode of 30 for 30

# ? Jul 24, 2016 20:56

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

bradzilla posted:

Not necessarily. In 2 years he might have made a cool million but that's all. The real money doesn't come until free agency which is like 5 years after you're drafted. He was probably on league minimum salary.

It's a very short career, for reasons that that confession should have made obvious, and it doesn't help that pro athletes are in the general case famously terrible with money. Some of them are set for life. Some of them, well, aren't.

e: also I despise condoms and one of the best things about monogamy is that I don't have to use them anymore ok that's my 2 cents RE condoms

# ? Jul 24, 2016 22:56

Kirk Vikernes: Apr 26, 2004; Count Goatnackh

curlingiron posted:

As a fellow teacher, I'm really sorry you've had such a hard time. If you're unhappy where you are, though, I'd recommend trying to get a position somewhere else. I think it's important that you find a school that you feel glad to be at; I almost accepted a position at a different school than the one I'm currently at, but I started having nightmares about it, and I'm so, so grateful that I trusted my instincts. I'm in an LDR right now, and I've basically refused to move because I lucked into a job at an amazing school with a supportive administration and colleagues, and I'm terrified of rolling the dice again in a new school.

Good, supportive environments do exist, and what works for one person might not work for everyone, so don't be afraid to put feelers out if where you are is making you miserable. Good luck!

I teach 8th-12th grade classes in a small district and don't have 90% of the pressure most of the staff has. Not having to give a single poo poo about standardized testing is probably the biggest perk. Kids like the classes I teach because they're not in a book 24/7, get to use their hands and have the opportunity to earn college credit. Everyone is fairly supporting of my area except a counselor who thinks it's still 1990 and every single kid who walks through our doors must go to college or die as lonely losers. I have an up-to-date computer lab, but one of my shops still has equipment from 1940 that runs when we have parts. But, that isn't the district's fault as much as Mitch Daniels' and Mike Pence's.

Coworkers constantly worry themselves into ulcers, drinking, etc. and I would have bailed long ago if that was the case in my area. We've got a couple female teachers that regularly get so stressed that they leave their rooms crying and one left at lunch and didn't come back until the next day (and somehow kept her job) . They also spend hours and hours after school working without compensation just hoping more of their students pass ISTEP in hopes to get a decent evaluation. They also haven't figured out the whole "choose your battles" bit and let minor discipline issues drive them nuts. I'm really surprised that none of have become an hero due to students or the job itself.

# ? Jul 24, 2016 23:53

free basket of chips: Sep 7, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Also I thought I sent in a confession where I admitted that while Identify as heterosexual, I wanted gently caress a twink and suck his dick but I may have forgot to send it. I'm too lazy to go to gorillamail again so I'll just do it here.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 00:10

free basket of chips: Sep 7, 2012; by FactsAreUseless

Really good to get that off my chest btw.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 00:33

Dinosaurmageddon: Jul 7, 2007; by zen death robot; Hell Gem

Red Suit posted:

Really good to get that off my chest btw.

~Like hairs off a twink's chest~

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:05

Speleothing: May 6, 2008; Spare batteries are pretty key.

bradzilla posted:

Yeah, just use a condom so you feel next to nothing! Walla!

The more expensive condoms are way better. If it's just for a few weeks he can afford it.

Also, anonymous goon should feel free to go hog wild as soon as the vacation starts; if she boozes & parties for the first two weeks it won't matter.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 01:53

fordham: Oct 5, 2002; Your argument is invalid.; Exciting Lemon

Speleothing posted:

if she boozes & parties for the first two weeks it won't matter.

No one should ever take any advice from this forum but I doubt many OBs would agree with you there.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 03:28

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

I once paid a woman $200 to piss on me, and I'd do it again.

quote:

I cheated on my girlfriend. I went to a work happy hour. Brought a coworker home and hosed her out in the street bent over the hood of my car. Today when I walked the dog with my girlfriend I wore the same shorts that I had on that night. I just grabbed them from the bedroom, and I didn't notice until after we left the house that the fly was coated in my co-worker's pussy juice. Got away with it tho.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 06:33

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

just advising both goons to wash their clothes occasionally

# ? Jul 25, 2016 14:07

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

bradzilla posted:

cool million

I have a confession: I don't understand why people can't just say 'million'; instead they have to insert 'cool' in front of it almost every time. This happens more often than you'd think, and now you might notice it a lot more :goonsay:

# ? Jul 25, 2016 14:54

ArmedZombie: Jun 6, 2004

H.H posted:

get beefy little piss bitch

# ? Jul 25, 2016 14:55

yeah I eat ass: Mar 14, 2005; only people who enjoy my posting can replace this avatar

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

I have a confession: I don't understand why people can't just say 'million'; instead they have to insert 'cool' in front of it almost every time. This happens more often than you'd think, and now you might notice it a lot more

Because the cool people in the movies say it that way. See also: a grand/"g"s, a stack, calling 100 dollar bills "benjys" etc.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:00

bradzilla: Oct 15, 2004

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

I have a confession: I don't understand why people can't just say 'million'; instead they have to insert 'cool' in front of it almost every time. This happens more often than you'd think, and now you might notice it a lot more

Sorry you got triggered, I can understand why money is a trigger for a poor though

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:05

H.H: Oct 24, 2006; August is the Cruelest Month

quote:

Last year, I was bored and started playing around on Yik Yak. Started up a conversation with an 18 year old girl, and the conversation moved over to Kik. She was an ultra right wing, home-schooled virgin. I picked some random dude's pictures as myself. Within 3 days, I got her to send me nudes, and I really didn't try that hard. She even sent video of herself masterbating. She told a couple of times of places she would be, and I confirmed it was really her by showing up there to see her. The conversation went on for a couple of weeks, and we were supposed to meet. I cut off all conversations and deleted the apps. I still see her on Facebook, and I noticed she recently became engaged. I'm thinking about printing up her nudes and either mailing them out to some of her guests, or just putting them on the windshields at the wedding/reception.

quote:

I want my girlfriend to die.

We were together years ago. She has quite a few medical problems, and I'll admit, it was one of the reasons I walked away from the relationship. Cheated on her, and eventually married the woman I cheated with. That marriage failed after several years. My ex jumped into two extremely abusive relationships. As it happened, as my divorce was going through, my ex-girlfriend was living in a woman's shelter to get away from her boyfriend, and we wound up running into each other. Her medical conditions had gotten much worse, and I genuinely felt bad, so I started helping her out in anyway I could. Mostly I was doing it because I was trying to get laid though. Her friends and family have completely rallied around me due to what a wonderful person I have turned into, and what good care I am treating her with. In fact, I have been hooking up with a former classmate of mine, and once with a random woman on craigslist. My girlfriend's condition is such that she could die at anytime without warning, and I would honestly welcome it. I'd be a hero.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:08

JakeP: Apr 27, 2003; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Lipstick Apathy

SciFiDownBeat posted:

NFL goon you should write a book about it. an expose or something

i cant wait to buy the life story of that NFL guy who played special teams for 2 years whose bones shattered to poo poo playing 12 plays a game

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:10

ArmedZombie: Jun 6, 2004

Murphy Brownback posted:

Because the cool people in the movies say it that way. See also: a grand/"g"s, a stack, calling 100 dollar bills "benjys" etc.

dead presidents (and Harriet tubman)

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:13

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

goon: i got free nudes from a teenager, should I punish her for this???

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:13

Rupert Buttermilk: Apr 15, 2007; 🚣RowboatMan: ❄️Freezing time🕰️ is an old P.I. 🥧trick...

bradzilla posted:

Sorry you got triggered, I can understand why money is a trigger for a poor though

I post ONE little gripe I have, and walla, I'm branded as being triggered.

Tsk tsk :colbert:

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:33

a whole buncha crows: May 8, 2003; WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

I post ONE little gripe I have, and walla, I'm branded as being triggered.

Tsk tsk

*voila

jfc

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:35

china bot: Sep 7, 2014; you listen HERE pal
SAY GOODBYE TO TELEPHONE SEX; Plaster Town Cop

i want my girlfriend to die goon: users with this experience have also purchased Xiu Xiu's album Fabulous Muscles

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:40

loquacius: Oct 21, 2008

china bot posted:

goon: i got free nudes from a teenager, should I punish her for this???

Yeah I have no idea what this goon's motivation is :confused:

I mean, when I was a teenager I also did the whole "chat with some girl online for a while and ghost on her when she started getting a little too 'into' it" thing, that seems relatively normal, I just don't know why he found out she's getting married and his first instinct is "I should ruin this relative stranger's special day for no reason whatsoever"

Well, anon, if you're reading this and care, please do not ruin this relative stranger's special day for no reason whatsoever. Imagine you did, and jerk off or whatever, if you want. Write real-life fanfiction about yourself doing this thing if that's what you need to do. Just don't actually do it.

# ? Jul 25, 2016 15:48