The Simpsons Quote Thread - Put a sock in it, Roy

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > The Simpsons Quote Thread - Put a sock in it, Roy

jscolon2.0: Jul 9, 2001; With great payroll, comes great disappointment.

IMJack posted:

I will now read these special vows which TMMadman has prepared for this occasion.

"Do you, Skeesix, take TMMadman , in richness and in poorness" -- poorness is underlined -- "in impotence and in potence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered, monkey- navigated"... .

.. and it goes on like this.

Spending all weekend at the wedding of friends. Gimme some wedding-related quotes.

I feel kinda guilty wearing white. You know... Milhouse

# ? Sep 1, 2014 14:11

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# ? May 3, 2024 09:27

Senior Woodchuck: Aug 29, 2006; When you're lost out there and you're all alone, a light is waiting to carry you home

By the power vested in me by the state gaming commission, I now pronounce you man and wife. Here's $10 worth of chips. You may kiss the bride.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 15:48

CharlieFoxtrot: Mar 27, 2007; organize digital employees

Senior Woodchuck posted:

By the power vested in me by the state gaming commission, I now pronounce you man and wife. Here's $10 worth of chips. You may kiss the bride.

And do you, Senior Woodchuck, take this cocktail waitress you just met to be your lawfully wedded wife?

# ? Sep 1, 2014 15:52

Lord Hydronium: Sep 25, 2007; Non, je ne regrette rien

IMJack posted:

You are not Ganesh! Ganesh is graceful!

Who needs the infinite compassion of Ganesh when I have Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman staring at me from the cover of Entertainment Weekly with their DEAD EYES???

# ? Sep 1, 2014 15:56

Shawn Cotureier: Jan 21, 2009; Still better than Umberger

CharlieFoxtrot posted:

And do you, Senior Woodchuck, take this cocktail waitress you just met to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Sock it to me, baby! :guinness:

# ? Sep 1, 2014 16:39

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Do over Ham posted:

One peanut for eternal happiness? I'd be happier with the peanut.

You can't sell that! Karma can only be apportioned out by the cosmos!

# ? Sep 1, 2014 17:22

mrfart: May 26, 2004; Dear diary, today I
became a captain.

TMMadman posted:

You can't sell that! Karma can only be apportioned out by the cosmos!

Your nickname will be Cosmos.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 18:45

Class3KillStorm: Feb 17, 2011

mrfart posted:

Your nickname will be Cosmos.

Let's go burn down the observatory, so this'll never happen again!

# ? Sep 1, 2014 19:58

The SituAsian: Oct 29, 2006; I'm a mess in distress
But we're still the best dressed

mrfart posted:

Your nickname will be Cosmos.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 21:31

CharlieFoxtrot: Mar 27, 2007; organize digital employees

The SituAsian posted:

You call them "steamed hams" despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 21:36

Technogeek: Sep 9, 2002; by FactsAreUseless

CharlieFoxtrot posted:

You call them "steamed hams" despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

CharlieFoxtrot, those all come from the same animal!

# ? Sep 1, 2014 21:58

After The War: Apr 12, 2005; to all of my Architects
let me be traitor

Technogeek posted:

CharlieFoxtrot, those all come from the same animal!

Make no mistake, Technogeek. If a cow got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!

# ? Sep 1, 2014 22:22

Crackerman: Jun 23, 2005

Senior Woodchuck posted:

By the power vested in me by the state gaming commission, I now pronounce you man and wife. Here's $10 worth of chips. You may kiss the bride.

Levi�s...you think that truck is full of jeans?

# ? Sep 1, 2014 22:45

Spectacle Rock: May 24, 2013

Crackerman posted:

Levi�s...you think that truck is full of jeans?

Counterfeit Jeans!

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:02

JethroMcB: Jan 23, 2004; We're normal now.
We love your family.

Spectacle Rock posted:

Counterfeit Jeans!

Uh, would that be the hot pants, sir?

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:09

IMJack: Apr 16, 2003; Royalty is a continuous ripping and tearing motion.; Fun Shoe

jscolon2.0 posted:

I feel kinda guilty wearing white. You know... Milhouse

Oh, Milhouse doesn't count.

The gay marriage of my friends is complete. Straight marriages in Texas are forever invalidated. Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth commence! :unsmigghh:

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:14

Shawn Cotureier: Jan 21, 2009; Still better than Umberger

IMJack posted:

Oh, Milhouse doesn't count.

Nobody likes Milhouse! :argh:

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:18

CharlieFoxtrot: Mar 27, 2007; organize digital employees

IMJack posted:

Oh, Milhouse doesn't count.

The gay marriage of my friends is complete. Straight marriages in Texas are forever invalidated. Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth commence!

I�ve had a lot of jobs in my life: boxer, mascot, astronaut, baby proofer, imitation Krusty, duck driver, hippie, plow driver, food critic, conceptual artist, grease salesman, carny, mayor, grifter, body guard for the mayor, country western manager, garbage commissioner, mountain climber, farmer, inventor, Smithers, Poochie, celebrity assistant, power plant worker, fortune cookie writer, beer baron, Kwik-E-Mart jerk, homophobe, and missionary, but officiating a gay wedding, that gives me the best feeling of all.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:23

Monday_: Feb 18, 2006; Worked-up silent dork without sex ability seeks oblivion and demise.; The Great Twist

CharlieFoxtrot posted:

You call them "steamed hams" despite the fact that they are obviously grilled.

It's a regional dialect.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:25

twerking on the railroad: Jun 23, 2007; Get on my level

MondayHotDog posted:

It's a regional dialect.

What region?

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:38

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

The SituAsian posted:

I am a new coat wearing.

# ? Sep 1, 2014 23:56

Monday_: Feb 18, 2006; Worked-up silent dork without sex ability seeks oblivion and demise.; The Great Twist

Skeesix posted:

What region?

Uh, upstate New York.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 00:27

JethroMcB: Jan 23, 2004; We're normal now.
We love your family.

MondayHotDog posted:

Uh, upstate New York.

Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "Steamed Hams."

# ? Sep 2, 2014 00:42

Do over Ham: Mar 20, 2009

TMMadman posted:

You can't sell that! Karma can only be apportioned out by the cosmos!

He's got me there. :smith:

# ? Sep 2, 2014 00:55

The Dennis System: Aug 4, 2014; Nothing in Jurassic World is natural, we have always filled gaps in the genome with the DNA of other animals. And if the genetic code was pure, many of them would look quite different. But you didn't ask for reality, you asked for more teeth.

JethroMcB posted:

Well, I'm from Utica and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "Steamed Hams."

Oh, not in Utica, no. It's more of an Albany expression.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 02:24

jscolon2.0: Jul 9, 2001; With great payroll, comes great disappointment.

IMJack posted:

Oh, Milhouse doesn't count.

The gay marriage of my friends is complete. Straight marriages in Texas are forever invalidated. Let the wailing and gnashing of teeth commence!

Gay? I wish! What I have is a predilection so shocking, no one must ever find out.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 02:57

Do over Ham: Mar 20, 2009

CharlieFoxtrot posted:

And do you, Senior Woodchuck, take this cocktail waitress you just met to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of God and this casino to join... [points at Homer] *cluck noise*

Homer.

... and ... [points at Marge] *cluck noise*

Marge.

... in holy matrimony. Beautiful.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 02:57

The Nastier Nate: May 22, 2005; All aboard the corona bus!

HONK! HONK!; Yams Fan

jscolon2.0 posted:

Gay? I wish! What I have is a predilection so shocking, no one must ever find out.

You know jscolon2.0, dolphin's aren't fish they're mammals just like you and me.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 03:05

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

The Nastier Nate posted:

You know jscolon2.0, dolphin's aren't fish they're mammals just like you and me.

People, please! We're all frightened and horny. But we can't let can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 03:14

Technogeek: Sep 9, 2002; by FactsAreUseless

TMMadman posted:

People, please! We're all frightened and horny. But we can't let can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring.

No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes! You see...

# ? Sep 2, 2014 03:18

IMJack: Apr 16, 2003; Royalty is a continuous ripping and tearing motion.; Fun Shoe

TMMadman posted:

People, please! We're all frightened and horny. But we can't let can't let some killer dolphins keep us from living and scoring.

Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding. For me, much much more.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 03:37

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

IMJack posted:

Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding. For me, much much more.

It's like.... you love Star Wars and I love Star Trek....

# ? Sep 2, 2014 03:46

Spectacle Rock: May 24, 2013

Jerusalem posted:

It's like.... you love Star Wars and I love Star Trek....

I don't understand :confused:

# ? Sep 2, 2014 04:26

Do over Ham: Mar 20, 2009

Spectacle Rock posted:

I don't understand

But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills, you're from two different worlds.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 04:30

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Would you be my new best friends?

Spectacle Rock posted:

I don't understand

# ? Sep 2, 2014 04:32

Class3KillStorm: Feb 17, 2011

Jerusalem posted:

I know those words, but that sign makes no sense.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 04:48

Diogines: Dec 22, 2007; Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

I cannot believe just how much of that marathon I watched...

# ? Sep 2, 2014 04:59

IMJack: Apr 16, 2003; Royalty is a continuous ripping and tearing motion.; Fun Shoe

Diogines posted:

I cannot believe just how much of that marathon I watched...

There she is, the old Radiation King. You'd park yourself right there and watch for hours on end.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 05:14

Do over Ham: Mar 20, 2009

Jerusalem posted:

Class3KillStorm posted:

I know those words, but that sign makes no sense.

[gasps] It must be the first of the month: new billboard day!

[reading] "This year, give her English muffins." Whatever you say, Mr. Billboard! [skids off]

[stops suddenly at another billboard for barbeque sauce]

[reading] "Best in the West." Heh heh heh, that rhymes!

[looking at the next one] "Clown college"? You can't eat that.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 05:54

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# ? May 3, 2024 09:27

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Do over Ham posted:

[gasps] It must be the first of the month: new billboard day!

[reading] "This year, give her English muffins." Whatever you say, Mr. Billboard! [skids off]

[stops suddenly at another billboard for barbeque sauce]

[reading] "Best in the West." Heh heh heh, that rhymes!

[looking at the next one] "Clown college"? You can't eat that.

I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

# ? Sep 2, 2014 06:05

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > TV IV > The Simpsons Quote Thread - Put a sock in it, Roy

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