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BHB
Aug 28, 2011
1. C

2. L

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Sogol
Apr 11, 2013

Galileo's Finger
1- all of the different speechifying is really good. I might just add that Naomi agreed that we would have "children of the heart" and this always meant there might be some consequences.

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

2. R. If you're going to be clever about poo poo, at least make sure you're clever and it works! Extra week of chores for every wasted arrow which did not hit the monster.
+1

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

Grognan posted:

1.C
2.L


I hope that being diplomatic helps, she is still going to be pissed. We will have making up to do. Also, our sons should REALLY not sell into our myth. If they died I don't think Og's collective will would forgive itself.

You mean orphans and golem children? We can always make more if we need too.

quote="Lanky Coconut Tree" post="436520807"]
2. R. If you're going to be clever about poo poo, at least make sure you're clever and it works! Extra week of chores for every wasted arrow which did not hit the monster.
[/quote]

+1, let them decide if it's worth it.

Outrail fucked around with this message at 07:51 on Oct 20, 2014

generally I prefer
Apr 17, 2006

1. D - Reminding Naomi of Enkidel being weird himself and how she came to terms with it is the best way to go.
2. R

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!


C, R

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

2. R. If you're going to be clever about poo poo, at least make sure you're clever and it works! Extra week of chores for every wasted arrow which
did not hit the monster.

"Accuracy before speed, my boys"

By popular demand fucked around with this message at 09:13 on Oct 20, 2014

Affi
Dec 18, 2005

Break bread wit the enemy

X GON GIVE IT TO YA
How good are we at fighting ? How good are our balls and at what level are our very young sons?

Nettle Soup
Jan 30, 2010

Oh, and Jones was there too.

This all works for me. :v: We did do exactly the same thing to Aaron too.

Theglavwen posted:

1. Just going to echo Nettle Soup's speech from the last vote: Y - "Naomi love, we've been told by Tudiya we can't marry really her off. She's weird, black, and due to that she's never going to be truly happily married unless it's for love. But we'll do our very best to make sure she's cared for and she'll never be poor, we'll always provide for her, so she may as well be happy doing whatever she wants."

Seems good enough, to the point, she's not going to marry well or be happy doing it, she's weird like we were and if she's going to find the Naomi to her Enkindel it's not going to come about save by chance. She might as well be allowed to do what she wants to do.

2. R. They didn't disobey, they kept out of the fight, and hell, starting small with bows back with Paebel and Gaddiel might not be a bad idea. Still, tell them very sternly that they aren't to get carried away, don't think that just because they've had success with arrows that they'll have success with more daring tactics, and don't hit the Balls. If someone gets shot in the back, they're out for a long time.

My main worry with marrying her off is that she'll just be a weird black pet for some middle-class lord to show off. Suitors can show all the best intentions in the world but I'll never entirely trust them.

Cornuto
Jun 26, 2012

For the pack!
1. C
2. L

The kids need to know that there are times to listen to Dad, and times to go be capricious scamps. Monster hunting is a time to listen to Dad.

Cornuto fucked around with this message at 14:09 on Oct 20, 2014

Cannon_Fodder
Jul 17, 2007

"Hey, where did Steve go?"
Design by Kamoc
When can we start investing in badass tattoos for our baby girl? I'm thinking Boudicca from Civ 5 for some reason.

Also, bows are only useful if she can draw them. Can we start her on some strength training? Maybe we could have her teach her brothers useful tips for how to shoot, building more cohesion and support for her being Daddy's Little Gender-Confused Neo.

Task Manager
Sep 5, 2008

A weird time in which we are alive. We can travel anywhere we want, even to other planets. And for what? To sit day after day, declining in morale and hope.
Didn't vote for 1 yet - I'll throw some love to 1) F, as per Theglavwen.

Mainly because it is short, to the point, and my eyes didn't glaze over trying to read it all.

Ouroborus
Mar 31, 2010

I really only come here for the Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens CYOA these days.
SA was one of the first websites I ever frequented, waaaaay back in the day. I only got off my ass and got an account about 8 years ago. I bought the platinum upgrade recently.
1. D

2. R. O, but they have to practice bowcraft with Enkidel or Paebro until Enkidel and Paebro are convinced they are a good enough shot to not shoot some poor ball in the rear end.

UppaTree
May 4, 2013

C. R

C hits most of the points I'd like to hit. Tudiya doesn't want her marrying anyone in this city, and most people outside this city are going to think she's an inhuman freak. Hell, the king of Dor thought we were a cannibal even though we showed up leading a massive pilgrimage, so what the El do you think she'll have to deal with?

Thankfully for all involved, she doesn't want to marry anybody!

Ouroborus
Mar 31, 2010

I really only come here for the Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens CYOA these days.
SA was one of the first websites I ever frequented, waaaaay back in the day. I only got off my ass and got an account about 8 years ago. I bought the platinum upgrade recently.

Angela Christine posted:

Okay, voting that we hold our breath hold onto our club for as long as we can.

Yes! Hold that bad-boy until Enkidel can literally not do it anymore. Maybe it works better when the wielder is exhaused. Also let Enki's kids try to wield it.

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

#1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver
1. C. I also change my 2 vote from M to

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

2. R. If you're going to be clever about poo poo, at least make sure you're clever and it works! Extra week of chores for every wasted arrow which did not hit the monster.
Which is kind of a combination of M and O anyway.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Task Manager posted:

2) N - can't get mad when we shot an arrow at that grove scorpion when Aaron told us to hang back and do nothing.


It seems just yesterday that you bagged your first grove scorpion! Actually, eleven real-life months ago.

Diogines posted:

Keep back you think hard at Snarls while you rush ahead. Snarls stay put but barks enthusiastically.

You rush closer, stopping at a hundred paces. The scorpion thrashes and screeches as it's claws snap at Aaron with wild fury, Aaron no longer striking back at it, but now dodging the swipes of it's claws and the jabs if its stinger, ducking, dodging and weaving between the blows.

You raise your bow and try to line up your aim at the creatures eyes. It is moving too quickly to easily line up your shot, Aaron's swift movements block your aim as well.

You draw an arrow back on the string of your bow.

You hold your breath. The THWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP noise that the string makes as you release it seems to go on and on as events seem to slow down around you. The scorpion is practically stationary as you release your shot, Aaron may as well be a statue even the wind seems to have stopped as your arrow sails through the air-

-Aaron and the scorpion speed up again as does all else around you, though the scorpion does not move for long as the arrow flies through the air, misses Aaron by inches, the feather fletching on the arrow brushes past the edge of one of the scorpions claws and drives into the creatures eyes so deep you cannot see it any longer.

Aaron holds still for a moment, spear raised as if the creature might charge at him. He gives the scorpion an experimental and cautious tap with the tip of his spear. The scorpion lay still and gives no response when he kicks it.

You have killed it.





"Labaras's Balls Enkidu!" Aaron says as he jogs over to you and claps you on the back "Who do you think you are, Esau?" He laughs.

Snarls runs over to you and barks up a storm as he jumps up and down excitedly.

KILLS ALL THE MONSTERS AND GUARDS THE PACK!!! THE MASTER-FATHER-BROTHER-MAN-BEAST-FRIEND-WHO-KNOWS-THE-SPOT-ON-THE-BELLY-TO-MAKE-THE-LEG-KICK IS THE BEST HUNTER EVER! EVER EVER EVER! PROTECTS THE TERRITORY!

"We have weeks to be out here still so we need to travel light, what do you want as a trophy?" Aaron asks "I think that should count for a foreskin if you ask me!"

Whatever you pick you will have to carry possibly for weeks. "Keep Snarls away from the blood! Aaron says "it burns, but we'll clean off what you pick."

You look at the scorpions immense corpse. You cannot see the end of your arrow, it must have gone through the scorpions eye and hit it's brain.

hollylolly
Jun 5, 2009

Do you like superheroes? Check out my CYOA Mutants: Uprising

How about weird historical fiction? Try Vampires of the Caribbean

D
M

There Bias Two
Jan 13, 2009
I'm not a good person

Theglavwen posted:

1. Just going to echo Nettle Soup's speech from the last vote: Y - "Naomi love, we've been told by Tudiya we can't marry really her off. She's weird, black, and due to that she's never going to be truly happily married unless it's for love. But we'll do our very best to make sure she's cared for and she'll never be poor, we'll always provide for her, so she may as well be happy doing whatever she wants."

Seems good enough, to the point, she's not going to marry well or be happy doing it, she's weird like we were and if she's going to find the Naomi to her Enkindel it's not going to come about save by chance. She might as well be allowed to do what she wants to do.

2. R. They didn't disobey, they kept out of the fight, and hell, starting small with bows back with Paebel and Gaddiel might not be a bad idea. Still, tell them very sternly that they aren't to get carried away, don't think that just because they've had success with arrows that they'll have success with more daring tactics, and don't hit the Balls. If someone gets shot in the back, they're out for a long time.

Plan TheGlavwen

Cathair
Jan 7, 2008

Lanky Coconut Tree posted:

2. R. If you're going to be clever about poo poo, at least make sure you're clever and it works! Extra week of chores for every wasted arrow which did not hit the monster.

I have no problem with them taking potshots, especially in light of our history above. I just want them to understand how important it is to not gently caress around with friendly fire.

Vavrek
Mar 2, 2013

I like your style hombre, but this is no laughing matter. Assault on a police officer. Theft of police property. Illegal possession of a firearm. FIVE counts of attempted murder. That comes to... 29 dollars and 40 cents. Cash, cheque, or credit card?
1. C - I like the great big sappy speech.
2. R - Per Lanky Coconut Tree.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree

Tsyni posted:

B: Naomi, you might not understand this decision right now, but you have to trust us on this. Everything will be explained when you're ready.

Voting this for 1.

falcon2424
May 2, 2005

There Bias Two posted:

Plan TheGlavwen

+1 plan TheGlavwen. 1Y 2R

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

If someone is Mighty enough to have a count up in the next hour, the odds of an update in the next few hours are high. If you volunteer, speak up!

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Voting is closed.

DCBomB
Sep 14, 2008

Doin this

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Not needed. I counted, working on the update.

DCBomB
Sep 14, 2008

aaaaaaaaaaaaa

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Diogines posted:

Not needed. I counted, working on the update.

Diog, counting? The world is going to end! Save the capybaras! :supaburn:

Cannon_Fodder
Jul 17, 2007

"Hey, where did Steve go?"
Design by Kamoc

Slaan posted:

Diog, counting? The world is going to end! eat the capybaras! :supaburn:

There ya go.

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Your Balls slay the ogre quickly, you turn to see Asahel and David celebrating the victory. You gave the two the firmest instructions that they are to keep in the rear and under no circumstances are they to join the fight. They are to keep well out of the way and watch. They fired off a few arrows as your Balls advanced on the ogres, though they kept far in the rear as you ordered.

[...]

You lay down the law with your your sons saying "The strength of the Balls comes from our unity. Each knows their place and their task and each follows orders. I told you not to fight. You disobeyed my orders."

"But Papa-" Asahel says.

"No buts" you say. You motion for a few of your Balls and tell them "Take my sons home, now."

"But all we did was-" says David, to which you cut him off and say "All you did was disobey my orders. Show me you will obey them and perhaps you come on our next trip."

Crestfallen, your sons depart with an appropriate escort. They make it home without incident, as do you a few weeks later after your patrol of the wilderness is done.


[...]


You have made up your mind about Ruth. She gets to be an adventurer, like she wished to be. Naomi won't be pleased at all. Still, it has to be done.

You try to break it to Naomi gently.

You tell her "My darling wife, I have some news that I am sure will displease you. Yet, before you respond in anger, please hear me out. Our daughter Ruth is not a normal girl. She never has been. You know this. Maybe it was her early years in Athar that made her different, or perhaps it was her journey with Danal that instilled in her the drive to fight, or maybe it is I who am to blame for encouraging her to spread her wings.-" it very probably was "I do not know. But whatever the cause, the fact is that she does not desire the life you wish for her. She does not want to be a wife for any blooded man.She would not be happy as one. Instead, she wants to prove herself to us all just as our sons do; she wants to fight for El and to serve with my Balls. And I intend to let her. 

I know your fears. I know that you are scared that if our daughter chooses this path, the doors to good marriages will close to her forever and society will shun her. And perhaps the doors to blooded marriages will do so, and many households may indeed spurn her. I don't doubt this will be painful for her one day. But perhaps—just perhaps—by letting her go down the path she wants to now, we will spare her from the far greater pain of trying to fit herself into a marriage and place in society that was never truly right for her. If she fights with the Balls, at least we can be sure that she is happy for now—and that any man who asks for her hand from now on truly loves her for all that she is: woman andarcher. Just as I love and appreciate all that you are. 

And please, also believe me when I tell you that I, like you, hold your daughter's safety and happiness in highest priority. I will never allow her to place herself in needless danger with my men. And I will always make it a priority to ensure that she is taken care of for as long as I live, no matter what choices she makes in life and marriage. You are a wonderful mother, and I know your greatest desire is for Ruth to be happy. Help me ensure that happiness. Help me let her at least try to live the life she wants. You remember something about wanting a life the rest of the world thinks is crazy, don't you?"

It is almost too much for her and Naomi looks at you as if tears might come any moment and then she says "Yes... I, I remember. Promise me at least you will keep her safe." You tell her "I promise."

Ruth is overjoyed when you tell her, she hugs you tightly and tells you "I won't let you down Papa, you'll see."

You tell her that "Only two or three men in the city are skilled enough to join my Balls just based in their skill with a bow. If you wish a place among them, you will have to earn it."

1. Ruth will....(Pick ONE)
A. Keep training with you with the bow, but spend more time on it.

B. Drill alone in the bow with little guidance.

C. Be sent often into the hills near Zepath to hunt wild game, alone.
D. Be sent often into the hills near Zepath to hunt wild game, with her brothers. They will keep each other out of trouble and they can learn more of the wilderness with her.

E. Get her a teacher. Chait, if he is willing. He is probably the best bow instructor in Zepath.
F. Get her a teacher. Paebel, if he is willing. He can also expand her knowledge of wilderness survival and stealth.
G. Get her a teacher. Your servant Gaddiel. This is probably the least socially scandalous since he is your servant and a part of your household. He is not the ideal teacher, though he is a better archer than her. I picked him in hopes they grow closer, perhaps she might get married one day afterall?






The last three years have been, if not quiet, then calm enough. Your world has fallen into a routine of sorts. For you at least, things seem to go well and while not all is well in Zepath, those woes are not yours. No monsters have attacked any nearby cities, or any cities that you know of.

2....
A. Three more years passed, in much the same way as the last three. Assuming nothing too drastic has happened in the interim(which is never certain), then tomorrow Ruth turns 16... that is when Manhood trials are done.

B. No time has passed. With plunder stolen from merchants and travelers and slaves bought with the spoils, the city of Barkath continues to grow. It is deeply hated in Zepath, Dor and Tanaach. I sneak upon it to see the truth of the place for myself.

C. Ishamal is teaching me to "hide" myself from supernatural eyes. It is very, very draining but he says I am making good progress. I can hold my breath for a very long time. As Zepath is troubled by minotaurs, fish-monsters generationally trouble Tanaach. I wish to see them myself, I go looking for them.
D. I wish to test myself but I am not completely insane. I go to Lake Acco, near the city of Acco and explore it.

E. I AM insane. Minotaurs which troubled us come from the mountains of Fare. I go explore them.

F. I AM insane. I return to the hole the Norcs fled down and explore.

G. I go to the Temple of El in Ibleam and try to find out if anything lay beneath.

H. My strength grows and my Balls, now with many more Blooded men within it are, if not a threat to kings, a force to threaten monsters. My Balls are bored. There is no risk they will abandon me, nor that they will fall into poverty but they want more glory and riches and I am not getting them much of either right now. The Manticore is not the only terror in this region. At this moment I am drinking with my Balls as we plot our next adventure! Lets go kill something really nasty! Glory! Plunder!

I. I volunteer the services of my Balls to the House of El. Will they have a mission for me?

J. I pray to El alone and ask for a task worthy of myself and my Balls.

K. I do not pray, but I find a statue of Smattas and ask it for a task.

L. I do not pray, but I find a statue of Damat and ask it for a task.

M. I ask Tudiya for an adventurous task.

N. I go to the allied city of Tanaach and ask them for an adventurous task.

O. Something else. Fill in. Reallocating your time is off the table. because we just voted on it. Any time skip will keep your current schedule.

Diogines fucked around with this message at 22:37 on Oct 20, 2014

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




AH

Also, I like the fact that Ishamal is actually teaching us useful things now. Hiding from supernatural eyes? Sounds kind of like Indor's powder...

There Bias Two
Jan 13, 2009
I'm not a good person

1. E 2. A

Cat Wings
Oct 12, 2012

AH

FoxTerrier
Feb 15, 2012

Perfectly logical poster who uses the tools available to him to come to solid conclusions

Yes! It worked! Score one for long rear end spergy speeches!

1. D + E, wilderness training and bow training. Let's get her ready for the manhood trial.
2. H :black101:

edit: poo poo, missed the part where it said to pick one. fixed.

edit, fixed again

FoxTerrier fucked around with this message at 22:47 on Oct 20, 2014

Cornuto
Jun 26, 2012

For the pack!
1. Ruth will....(Pick ONE)
E. Get her a teacher. Chait, if he is willing. He is probably the best bow instructor in Zepath.
-- Try not to insult him. The bow is already seen as 'not manly.' Asking him to teach a woman may be extra insulting. Mention that we're teaching our children, all of them, the bow. If he reacts poorly to that don't ask him to train Ruth.
Fall back if Chait won't agree, or seems insulted:
F. Get her a teacher. Paebel, if he is willing. He can also expand her knowledge of wilderness survival and stealth.
-- BUT give him a not too subtle warning that if he preaches any melachim-worship to her, we're going to have a problem.

2....
J. I pray to El alone and ask for a task worthy of myself and my Balls.
--If no answer is received:
----G. I go to the Temple of El in Ibleam and try to find out if anything lay beneath. (Assuming this doesn't take 3 years)
+
----H. My strength grows and my Balls, now with many more Blooded men within it are, if not a threat to kings, a force to threaten monsters. My Balls are bored. There is no risk they will abandon me, nor that they will fall into poverty but they want more glory and riches and I am not getting them much of either right now. The Manticore is not the only terror in this region. At this moment I am drinking with my Balls as we plot our next adventure! Lets go kill something really nasty! Glory! Plunder!


J!

Cornuto fucked around with this message at 02:18 on Oct 21, 2014

Aades
Nov 28, 2005

Guns Up!


1. A
2. H

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

FoxTerrier posted:

edit: poo poo, missed the part where it said to pick one. fixed.
I suppose there is no reason you can't combine more than one, but I would like to avoid a situation where everyone picks 3 different things. If you want to combine options, write it in.

ColonelMuttonchops
Feb 18, 2011



Young Orc
1.A
2.H


Man, we're basically raising Ruth to be Princess Merida.

Hot Dog Day 80
Jun 23, 2003
1. Ruth will....(Pick ONE)
A. Keep training with you with the bow, but spend more time on it.


2....
H. My strength grows and my Balls, now with many more Blooded men within it are, if not a threat to kings, a force to threaten monsters. My Balls are bored. There is no risk they will abandon me, nor that they will fall into poverty but they want more glory and riches and I am not getting them much of either right now. The Manticore is not the only terror in this region. At this moment I am drinking with my Balls as we plot our next adventure! Lets go kill something really nasty! Glory! Plunder!

Diogines
Dec 22, 2007

Beaky the Tortoise says, click here to join our choose Your Own Adventure Game!

Paradise Lost: Clash of the Heavens!

Cornuto posted:

----G. I go to the Temple of El in Ibleam and try to find out if anything lay beneath. (Assuming this doesn't take 3 years)
It won't take three years. It involves you, your Balls, some pick axes and shovels. You have been told that a temple is never abandoned but as Ibleam is now a ruin and (mostly) uninhibited, the House of El has started to deconstruct it. You dont know how far they have gotten yet.

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Arkanomen
May 6, 2007

All he wants is a hug

Aades posted:

1. A
2. H


+1 to the adventure time bandwagon

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