Noblesse Obliged posted:

Wack for my daddy oh

Wack for my daddy oh

There's

Cummies in the jar oh

Inescapable Duck posted:

Even down here where the tapwater is questionable people get home versions of water coolers. The economy of scale is presumably an order of magnitude better than individual bottles of water and it's the same goddamn stuff.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

They might have been running off a regulated pulsing DC from the central computer, so they could be adjusted forward by increasing the frequency to advance, and I guess an inverse polarity signal to turn it back.

Lobok posted:

But the concentration of negative tachyons would have specifically prevented any attempts to reverse polarity!

Trig Discipline posted:

she's my favorite food network celebrity

BOOTY-ADE posted:

It’s my least favorite airport

Solice Kirsk posted:

I'm a notary...I wonder if I can draft up "Pet Divorce Name Changes" to "legally" change a pet's last name.

Solice Kirsk posted:

I'm a notary...I wonder if I can draft up "Pet Divorce Name Changes" to "legally" change a pet's last name.

Syd Midnight posted:

I don't know what the rules are, but I bet you could expand it to a naming service for pets, w/a nice looking officially notarized certificate with fancy legalese affirming that this animal is hereby named Whatever. A Pet Naming Ceremony is empowering, even if the certificate just means "Yep you definitely told me that this is your their pets name today".

Then they'll have to pay for a new one if they want to change its name. Not because it's legally necessary, its just schoolyard rules that you can't change a nickname without community approval. It wouldn't be official.

El Gallinero Gros posted:

I need that quote about oblivious libertarian who doesn't realize how dependent he is on the gov't, please

quote:

For twelve years, you have been asking: Who is John Galt? This is John Galt speaking. I am the man who loves his life. I am the man who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the man who has deprived you of victims and thus has destroyed your world, and if you wish to know why you are perishing—you who dread knowledge—I am the man who will now tell you.” The chief engineer was the only one able to move; he ran to a television set and struggled frantically with its dials. But the screen remained empty; the speaker had not chosen to be seen. Only his voice filled the airways of the country—of the world, thought the chief engineer—sounding as if he were speaking here, in this room, not to a group, but to one man; it was not the tone of addressing a meeting, but the tone of addressing a mind.

“You have heard it said that this is an age of moral crisis. You have said it yourself, half in fear, half in hope that the words had no meaning. You have cried that man’s sins are destroying the world and you have cursed human nature for its unwillingness to practice the virtues you demanded. Since virtue, to you, consists of sacrifice, you have demanded more sacrifices at every successive disaster. In the name of a return to morality, you have sacrificed all those evils which you held as the cause of your plight. You have sacrificed justice to mercy. You have sacrificed independence to unity. You have sacrificed reason to faith. You have sacrificed wealth to need. You have sacrificed self-esteem to self-denial. You have sacrificed happiness to duty.

“You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil and achieved all that which you held to be good. Why, then, do you shrink in horror from the sight of the world around you? That world is not the product of your sins, it is the product and the image of your virtues. It is your moral ideal brought into reality in its full and final perfection. You have fought for it, you have dreamed of it, and you have wished it, and I—I am the man who has granted you your wish.

“Your ideal had an implacable enemy, which your code of morality was designed to destroy. I have withdrawn that enemy. I have taken it out of your way and out of your reach. I have removed the source of all those evils you were sacrificing one by one. I have ended your battle. I have stopped your motor. I have deprived your world of man’s mind.

“Men do not live by the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those who do. The mind is impotent, you say? I have withdrawn those whose mind isn’t. There are values higher than the mind, you say? I have withdrawn those for whom there aren’t.

“While you were dragging to your sacrificial altars the men of justice, of independence, of reason, of wealth, of self-esteem—I beat you to it, I reached them first. I told them the nature of the game you were playing and the nature of that moral code of yours, which they had been too innocently generous to grasp. I showed them the way to live by another morality—mine. It is mine that they chose to follow.

“All the men who have vanished, the men you hated, yet dreaded to lose, it is I who have taken them away from you. Do not attempt to find us. We do not choose to be found. Do not cry that it is our duty to serve you. We do not recognize such duty. Do not cry that you need us. We do not consider need a claim. Do not cry that you own us. You don’t. Do not beg us to return. We are on strike, we, the men of the mind.

“We are on strike against self-immolation. We are on strike against the creed of unearned rewards and unrewarded duties. We are on strike against the dogma that the pursuit of one’s happiness is evil. We are on strike against the doctrine that life is guilt.

“There is a difference between our strike and all those you’ve practiced for centuries: our strike consists, not of making demands, but of granting them. We are evil, according to your morality. We have chosen not to harm you any longer. We are useless, according to your economics. We have chosen not to exploit you any longer. We are dangerous and to be shackled, according to your politics. We have chosen not to endanger you, nor to wear the shackles any longer. We are only an illusion, according to your philosophy. We have chosen not to blind you any longer and have left you free to face reality—the reality you wanted, the world as you see it now, a world without mind.

“We have granted you everything you demanded of us, we who had always been the givers, but have only now understood it. We have no demands to present to you, no terms to bargain about, no compromise to reach. You have nothing to offer us. We do not need you.

“Are you now crying: No, this was not what you wanted? A mindless world of ruins was not your goal? You did not want us to leave you? You moral cannibals, I know that you’ve always known what it was that you wanted. But your game is up, because now we know it, too.

“Through centuries of scourges and disasters, brought about by your code of morality, you have cried that your code had been broken, that the scourges were punishment for breaking it, that men were too weak and too selfish to spill all the blood it required. You damned man, you damned existence, you damned this earth, but never dared to question your code. Your victims took the blame and struggled on, with your curses as reward for their martyrdom—while you went on crying that your code was noble, but human nature was not good enough to practice it. And no one rose to ask the question: Good?—by what standard?

“You wanted to know John Galt’s identity. I am the man who has asked that question.

“Yes, this is an age of moral crisis. Yes, you are bearing punishment for your evil. But it is not man who is now on trial and it is not human nature that will take the blame. It is your moral code that’s through, this time. Your moral code has reached its climax, the blind alley at the end of its course. And if you wish to go on living, what you now need is not to return to morality—you who have never known any—but to discover it.

“You have heard no concepts of morality but the mystical or the social. You have been taught that morality is a code of behavior imposed on you by whim, the whim of a supernatural power or the whim of society, to serve God’s purpose or your neighbor’s welfare, to please an authority beyond the grave or else next door—but not to serve your life or pleasure. Your pleasure, you have been taught, is to be found in immorality, your interests would best be served by evil, and any moral code must be designed not for you, but against you, not to further your life, but to drain it.

“For centuries, the battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors—between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and that the good is to live it.

“Both sides agreed that morality demands the surrender of your self-interest and of your mind, that the moral and the practical are opposites, that morality is not the province of reason, but the province of faith and force. Both sides agreed that no rational morality is possible, that there is no right or wrong in reason—that in reason there’s no reason to be moral.

“Whatever else they fought about, it was against man’s mind that all your moralists have stood united. It was man’s mind that all their schemes and systems were intended to despoil and destroy. Now choose to perish or to learn that the anti-mind is the anti-life.

“Man’s mind is his basic tool of survival. Life is given to him, survival is not. His body is given to him, its sustenance is not. His mind is given to him, its content is not. To remain alive, he must act, and before he can act he must know the nature and purpose of his action. He cannot obtain his food without a knowledge of food and of the way to obtain it. He cannot dig a ditch-or build a cyclotron—without a knowledge of his aim and of the means to achieve it. To remain alive, he must think.

El Gallinero Gros posted:

I need that quote about oblivious libertarian who doesn't realize how dependent he is on the gov't, please

quote:

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration has determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of U.S. Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time as regulated by the U.S. Congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the U.S. Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state, and federal Departments of Transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the U.S. Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After spending another day not being maimed or killed at work thanks to the workplace regulations imposed by the Department of Labor and the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, enjoying another two meals which again do not kill me because of the USDA, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads, to my house which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and the Fire Marshal's inspection, and which has not been plundered of all it's valuables thanks to the local police department.

And then I log on to the internet -- which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration -- and post on Freerepublic.com and Fox News forums about how SOCIALISM in medicine is BAD because the government can't do anything right.

Turtlicious posted:

S
M
A
S
H

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

Stop making a spider hot, I agree.

Inescapable Duck posted:

I'm trying to remember a forums quote relatively recently that got the reaction 'That turned into an R-rated Grandpa Simpson monologue'.

Tasteful Dickpic posted:

It was this!

quote:

Q: Sir, the same woman who worked for you, Esmeralda, she was also in New York with Edith and Alexandra, wasn't she?
A: She was with somebody. I don't remember now who it was.
Q: You don't remember whether it was Esmeralda or not?
A: All I remember is I walked into the room. I opened the door and this woman standing there totally nude, totally nude.
Q: That is all you remember?
A: And she said, boy, you are going to have the best time that you ever had in your life. And then she just walked over to the bed. She laid there. Spread her legs out. And it was the most incredible sight. It was exciting, and it was stimulating.
Q: So you didn't forget about that particular experience?
A: A man doesn't forget about it because I never had an experience when I opened the door in a hotel room adn the girl was standing there stark nude, you know, with her hands up in the air. You know, boy, am I waiting for you

Roro posted:

Purebred animals already have certified names, and they're almost always really dumb.

Roro posted:

Purebred animals already have certified names, and they're almost always really dumb.

Phy posted:

Back in the 1700s, when there weren't so freakin many purebred horses in need of increasingly convoluted and therefore unique names*, there was a champion racehorse named Potoooooooo. The story is that it was supposed to be named Potatoes, but the stablehand sent to register it played a cheeky joke and had it named Pot-8-"o's".

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

There was a horse in the RCMP stables called Eula. Apparently they let kids name the new foals, so some poor kid named a horse End-User License Agreement.

Blade_of_tyshalle posted:

There was a horse in the RCMP stables called Eula. Apparently they let kids name the new foals, so some poor kid named a horse End-User License Agreement.

DACK FAYDEN posted:

Lobok posted:

Hm, those cops better check that horse closely then. Otherwise they might get taken for a ride.

Rough Lobster posted:

Whoa

Ray's a cat??

FactsAreUseless posted:

Roast Beef, Ray, and Pat are cats. Teodor is a rabbit. Cornelius is a bear. Lyle is a tiger. Philippe is five.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Roast Beef, Ray, and Pat are cats. Teodor is a rabbit. Cornelius is a bear. Lyle is a tiger. Philippe is five.

Sir Lemming posted:

I heard once someone tried to give their horse a really long, unpronounceable name, and then for some reason they could play unauthorized games on their Wii.

Sir Lemming posted:

I heard once someone tried to give their horse a really long, unpronounceable name, and then for some reason they could play unauthorized games on their Wii.

Lobok posted:

My friend's horse had a really long, unpronounceable name and one day just for fun I tried saying it backwards and that sent the horse back to its home dimension

Random Hajile posted:

Poor old Freckles, sent back to the elemental plane of horse and died. was absorbed back into the equestream.

FactsAreUseless posted:

Roast Beef, Ray, and Pat are cats. Teodor is a rabbit. Cornelius is a bear. Lyle is a tiger. Philippe is five.