r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

Clawtopsy: Dec 17, 2009; What a fascinatingly unusual cock. Now, allow me to show you my collection...

AITA for mocking a girl and making her leave after she called me a �snobby oval office�?

quote:

I, (19m), come from an Upper Class family from the South of England. I formerly attended a top private school and currently attend Cambridge. I�m no egoist or narcissist, this is relevant.

All of my friends at home also attended private school and have similar backgrounds. Recently we went to the pub as we�re all back for Christmas. There were eight of us, we�ve been friends for years and two brought along their gfs who were staying over at the time. Of the 6 of us, I go to Cambridge, two go to Oxford, one goes to St. Andrews, one goes to Durham and the other Bath. In short - we all attend the top Universities.

We�re discussing our second years, and are probably seven or more pints in. We�re all quite drunk. Out of no where, one of my friends gf who goes to Durham, burst out that the only reason I got into Cambridge was through my family connections, or more specifically �mummy and daddies� money. Insinuating I got into the best university in the country not on merit, but on my station.

This is a weird thing to say, given that her boyfriend comes from an almost identical background to me, as does everyone else at the table. Well, it turns out, she was rejected from Cambridge to do the course she wanted to (law), which is the course I study. Apparently she feels Cambridge is only for �elitist snobs who bought their way in�, despite the fact her A level grades were an A star and 2 As and mine were 4 A stars. I feel that she is obviously envious.

I say that the reason she didn�t get in isn�t because she was born to a lower class family, but because she�s academically incompetent and aimed too high by wanting to go to Cambridge and should have considered somewhere like Oxford Brookes (by no means a bad University, but a bit of a joke among Oxbridge students given its location).

The comments about my family pissed me off, as although I am aware I am privileged, I have still worked hard to be where I am. I could never work a day in my life and live richer than the 99%, but didn�t.

I said it�s not my fault I was born into wealth and she wasn�t, and she needs to get off her moral loving high horse. She goes on a tirade, saying people like me would never understand the working class plight. She went on a rant about how the upper class spit at people like her and how people from her (working class) background can never get into the top institutions and establishments and finished it by commenting that a snobby oval office like me wouldn�t understand. At this point I raised my voice and told her to get the gently caress out, that she wasn�t welcome at the table anymore. Her and her boyfriend (who�d stayed quiet) obliged, everyone left was on my side.

Well turns out her and her boyfriend had a big row afterwards and he dumped her. While I feel in the right for calling her out, I feel a little bad as they�d probably still be together if I didn�t rise to her pettiness. Me and her ex are still on good terms.

AITA?

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I�m no egoist or narcissist, this is relevant.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:18

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 23:46

Peg Sliderskew: Jan 4, 2010

Ah Bullingdon Club, never change.

I for one wish to pledge my allegiance to our future Prime Minister here and now.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:23

Leon Einstein: Feb 6, 2012; I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.

I could never work a day in my life and still be richer than 99%. I'm also a huge bitchbaby when called a snob.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:26

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Clawtopsy posted:

AITA for not going home to take care of a sick horse?

Sounds like this friendship is lame and should be put down.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:35

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

DandyLion posted:

She doesn't even mentioned the $7500 ER bill either.

$7500 is too clean a number to be the bill. That sounds like the maximum out-of-pocket for her insurance plan.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:37

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for playing a movie soundtrack in the background when I opened up about my father to my girlfriend?

My girlfriend (24F) has wanted me (25M) to open up more about my relationship with my father (55M). I'm not that great about opening up, though I've been working on it.

My relationship with my father is probably my most sensitive area. It is very difficult for me to talk about it without devolving into a crying mess and losing composure. I'm an otherwise rsther distant and detached person, which I've been trying to work on.

What I've began doing is playing music when I express these bottled up feelings. I finally agreed to open up about it to my GF, but I got my phone out and played the music below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjzZ_0KSYVg

I then began opening up but half way through my girlfriend turned my phone off and said this is ridiculous. She said I am an rear end in a top hat for.making this into a joke, that why can't I just open up normally. Now.i feel hurt. AITA?

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:39

IUG: Jul 14, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

WIBTA if I throw away my niece's wedding invite?

I love that their reaction was to ask the internet first, before even talking to their spouse.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:50

Fuck Your Website: Nov 29, 2003; FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for playing a movie soundtrack in the background when I opened up about my father to my girlfriend?

My girlfriend (24F) has wanted me (25M) to open up more about my relationship with my father (55M). I'm not that great about opening up, though I've been working on it.

My relationship with my father is probably my most sensitive area. It is very difficult for me to talk about it without devolving into a crying mess and losing composure. I'm an otherwise rsther distant and detached person, which I've been trying to work on.

What I've began doing is playing music when I express these bottled up feelings. I finally agreed to open up about it to my GF, but I got my phone out and played the music below:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeIsxXDyjlc

I then began opening up but half way through my girlfriend turned my phone off and said this is ridiculous.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 23:54

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Strong stroll for a mangy stray

god save me from 30 year old cake sitters

Smirking_Serpent posted:

What The gently caress (TM)
totes inappropes

Clawtopsy posted:

AITA for mocking a girl and making her leave after she called me a �snobby oval office�?

you're a snobby oval office, yes. that was the question right?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

WIBTA if I throw away my niece's wedding invite?

About 5 years ago, my niece went to college and started partying. She would often post pictures of the partying on social media. Her other aunt and uncle, my BIL & SIL are extremely conservative, while my partner and I are fairly liberal, partied in college ourselves and generally dgaf what anyone else does with their life. Judgy BIL made a series of lectureish comments to her which led to her cutting contact him, SIL, grandparents, partner, and me, and blocking us all on social media.

She's now spent the last 5 years pretending like we don't exist, despite us making it clear to other family members that we didn't share BIL's judgy opinion. Her mother, the only one we are able to contact, has told us several different versions of lies about why we were cut off and blocked. I gave up trying to reach out 2 years ago.

Fast forward to today. Imagine my surprise when we received an invitation to her wedding. I see it as nothing more than a gift grab since we are better off than most of the family and have sent very nice gifts to our other nieces and nephews. My partner will undoubtedly feel pressured by the family to send her a nice gift even if we don't attend, but I say if you've ignored family for 5 years you don't deserve a gift. I'm planning to toss out the invite along with the other junk mail.

WIBTA if I threw the invitation in the trash and never told partner that we got it?

Edit: I accept the judgment that I wbta for not discussing it with my spouse. I will do that, and also as one commenter suggested, I will reach out to the niece and gauge her reaction before responding to the invite. Thanks to everyone who shared their thoughts, it was very helpful to get an outside point of view on this.

Wouldn't being better off give you a reason to WANT to get back in touch with your niece? Since the cost of the gift wouldn't matter at all to you? It'd be an opportunity to speak in person to your niece, let them know how you felt about them cutting you off and show some support in hopes of rekindling a relationship. Instead it becomes a reason to separate yourself and blindly accuse others of trying to take advantage of you without any evidence. This is rich brain disease at its finest and I'm sure the rest of the family who is less wealthy will be cut away soon

Also, I don't believe that this woman (I think it's a woman but it doesn't say I guess) actually had nothing to do with the judgement to begin with. There was a reason they were included in the sever, but she doesn't want to admit that imo

# ? Jan 16, 2020 00:20

feedmegin: Jul 30, 2008

hockey jockey posted:

Ah Bullingdon Club, never change.

Thats Oxford :colbert:

# ? Jan 16, 2020 00:29

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

Play posted:

god save me from 30 year old cake sitters

I don't think you (or any of us really) can afford to be picky.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 00:44

empty sea: Jul 17, 2011; gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset

All I can think about is the horrible yeast infections you'd get from sitting and squashing your vag around in a cake and then probably having a mouth, fingers and or dick smeared in icing in your vag if you're doing it with a partner. Because you know that mouth, fingers and or dick is gonna get smeared in icing and cake.

This poo poo is exactly the wheelhouse of that super religious couple on reddit where the husband couldn't gently caress without incorporating food into it somehow. All she has to do is sit on cakes!

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:09

DandyLion: Jun 24, 2010; disrespectul Deciever

empty sea posted:

All I can think about is the horrible yeast infections you'd get from sitting and squashing your vag around in a cake and then probably having a mouth, fingers and or dick smeared in icing in your vag if you're doing it with a partner. Because you know that mouth, fingers and or dick is gonna get smeared in icing and cake.

This poo poo is exactly the wheelhouse of that super religious couple on reddit where the husband couldn't gently caress without incorporating food into it somehow. All she has to do is sit on cakes!

Now you're just not being creative enough.

Take this delicious and (by the looks of it) delightfully comfy yeast free Lemon Sponge Cake (with stevia sweetened icing) for example:

Hell, I've paid good money for a seat cushion in the exact same shape so you can't tell me you and yours wouldn't enjoy a relaxing lounge on one of these bad boys.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:12

Barudak: May 7, 2007

I choose to believe cake sitters wear pants when they do it and if you choose to think otherwise gwyaaahhhah

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:15

Sunswipe: Feb 5, 2016; by Fluffdaddy

Cake sitting sounds like an excellent idea. Why ruin cake OR sex when you could ruin both at the same time? With possible bonus points for wasting food in a world where people are starving. Yay!

The stevia-sweetened cake would be acceptable, though. Stevia tastes so bad it can't be considered a food.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:20

Shbobdb: Dec 16, 2010; by Reene

Hoboken Squat Cobbler, Full Moon Pie, Boston Cream Splat, Simple Simon the rear end Man, Dutch Apple rear end.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:22

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for accepting money in exchange for inviting my dad's wife to my wedding?

Literally same old story where my dad got a woman he was cheating with pregnant.

My mom divorced him immediately and has married a nice guy last year. My siblings and I have basically very little contact with our father for the past several years. My dad is hurt by it and keeps trying but we've just moved apart.

When my brother and sister got married, they invited just my dad and not his wife. And he was paying for half the wedding each time.

Now it's my wedding coming up. Both my fiance and felt that having an expensive wedding was pointless and would rather use our money on a house downpayment.

I told my dad that it was going to be a small backyard wedding and that it'd be better if he showed up without his wife.

Well apparently, his wife has given him an ultimatum that if she isn't invited to my wedding she's done with the marriage. She wants to be "legitimized" in front of our family her words.

So my dad pleaded with me but I stayed firm, saying it was a small wedding and that it'd be too awkward.

Well..my dad then offers to pay for a larger wedding, all of it except for the wedding dress that my mom is making me. He also broke down in tears and I have to admit I felt a little bad for him.

I said I'd talk to my fiance and get back to him.

WIBA if I took this offer? My fiance is ok either way.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:29

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for accepting money in exchange for inviting my dad's wife to my wedding?

Literally same old story where my dad got a woman he was cheating with pregnant.

My mom divorced him immediately and has married a nice guy last year. My siblings and I have basically very little contact with our father for the past several years. My dad is hurt by it and keeps trying but we've just moved apart.

When my brother and sister got married, they invited just my dad and not his wife. And he was paying for half the wedding each time.

Now it's my wedding coming up. Both my fiance and felt that having an expensive wedding was pointless and would rather use our money on a house downpayment.

I told my dad that it was going to be a small backyard wedding and that it'd be better if he showed up without his wife.

Well apparently, his wife has given him an ultimatum that if she isn't invited to my wedding she's done with the marriage. She wants to be "legitimized" in front of our family her words.

So my dad pleaded with me but I stayed firm, saying it was a small wedding and that it'd be too awkward.

Well..my dad then offers to pay for a larger wedding, all of it except for the wedding dress that my mom is making me. He also broke down in tears and I have to admit I felt a little bad for him.

I said I'd talk to my fiance and get back to him.

WIBA if I took this offer? My fiance is ok either way.

Keep the low key wedding and take the difference in cash to add onto that down payment.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:34

empty sea: Jul 17, 2011; gonna saddle my seahorse and float out to the sunset

Ok, well I've never had an Earl Grey London Fog cake but they sound delicious. If I eat some of it before I sit on it, is that ok?

I'd sit on bad cakes for money but I draw the line at really good, delicious cakes. They'd cost a lot more. I read an article, one woman sitting on cakes got $150 for 15 minutes and $25-50 extra for homemade and themed cakes.

That's better than used panties or sock prices for cost vs labor and probably better than feet pics unless you had very basic or well paying regular clients. But then you have to figure in any yeast infection costs and loss of labor and this all gets very complicated very quickly.

Better to just buy some leather and a ball gag and whip the poo poo out of dumb white rich dudes IMO. If I can't eat them, I can at least tenderize them!

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:41

13Pandora13: Nov 5, 2008; I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle

Clawtopsy posted:

Reddit voted ESH.

I know what NTA and YTA are but WTF does this mean?

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:42

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

I thought that �Better Call Saul� subplot about the guy making erotic pie sitting movies was a joke.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:44

Problem Sleuth: Apr 12, 2011; WELCOME TO THE NEW FUTURE

13Pandora13 posted:

I know what NTA and YTA are but WTF does this mean?

Everyone sucks here

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:47

TheBizzness: Oct 5, 2004; Reign on me.

13Pandora13 posted:

I know what NTA and YTA are but WTF does this mean?

I couldn�t wait to ask this when I got to the end of the thread and then this is the last post.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:53

Clawtopsy: Dec 17, 2009; What a fascinatingly unusual cock. Now, allow me to show you my collection...

it means in the eyes of god all parties have sinned

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:55

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

Problem Sleuth posted:

Everyone sucks here

No need to be rude, just tell them what it stands for!

:v:

# ? Jan 16, 2020 01:56

big trivia FAIL: May 9, 2003; "Jorge wants to be hardcore,
but his mom won't let him"

Clawtopsy posted:

AITA for telling a boomer couple to move out of their house?

Do people not have spines? why even have a discussion with the guy? Just "lol gently caress you". what's he going to do?

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:00

TheBizzness: Oct 5, 2004; Reign on me.

Did the guy who taught the homeless dude to skateboard get an ESH? Cause that dude rules.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:00

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Me [23 M] with my roommate [23 M] of around 8 months. His insecurity is driving me insane.

quote:

Howdy reddit. I�m a frequent flyer here at relationships but never anticipated needing to post for advice. Sorry for any formatting issues or spelling errors as I am posting from mobile.

I�ve known �Harold� for roughly 10 years, I met him when I moved back to my home state when I was young, and we�ve been friends since. I�ve seen him grow as a person, but not for the better. He has always been slightly confrontational, and hard headed, but I�ve never held that against him. Until now.

We moved in to an apartment with another roommate, as we were all 3 looking for a place in the same area. I�ve been pretty miserable living in this situation for months, but never thought it was as big a factor as it really has become. To keep things short and concise here is a description of everything that�s gone on, and how it call connects.

Harold has a cat, but he said it�s too lonely and he needs another. So now we have two cats. (I love cats to clarify)

Harold likes to decorate everything with his boxes of past consoles and random knick knacks that are either broken and he doesn�t want to look at them, or get rid of.

Harold worked a poo poo tier pizza job for 5 years before I helped him get a job at my work, in another department.

Harold habitually smokes Dab, not weed in general, but specifically oil that�s been condensed to get you a lot higher. And when I saw habitually I�m not being hyperbolic, he averages 35 dabs a day.

Harold is an aggressive driver. Actually let me rephrase that, Harold will try and cause an accident because you�re going 5 under in the middle lane, and he�s taking offense to that no matter who you are.

Harold is racist. Not overtly, but it�s there and I�ve heard it.

Harold has 0 interests other than video games, and watching YouTube videos. He says he likes other things, but presented with opportunities to participate in anything, even specific things he mentioned he likes, he�ll refute based off preconceived notions that he won�t enjoy it because X person is going or the temp outside is too hot.

Okay, now that you know a little about Harold let me bring you up to speed on each of these topics and how it�s ruined any semblance of our apartment being a home for myself or our other roommate.

Harold off the bat controlled the thermostat like a white suburban dad Facebook meme, to the point he will install timers and controls on the thermostat so even if we change the temp it is clocked to go back to 68 15 minutes later. We live in the south in a poorly insulated apartment built in the 80s, but being raised here I can deal with a little extra heat to save some money, he on the other hand cannot.

Now onto the cats, I absolutely love these little guys but they are assholes. They�ll knock over anything and everything they can, while at the same time trying to eat any food that ever shows up in the apartment. It�s to the point they�re closer to acting like starving dogs than cats. They run the whole place essentially, they�ll jiggle open my door and break into my room and gently caress with my things. I�ve attempted multiple conversations with Harold over this matter but to use his words �I mean they�re cats, it�s your fault for leaving things out.� This was a punch in the face, I realized at this moment Harold values his possessions more than relationships with others around him.

About a week after that conversation I confronted Harold again, here�s the thing about how he acts towards anyone tries to bring any serious issue up with him, or whether you should buy bagged beets, doesn�t really matter what, he will be defensive from the go. Everything is everyone else�s fault, nothing makes him mad it�s other people who deliberately piss him off. Pretty terrible argument when you realize most things he�s upset about, he�s generally in the wrong. This applies to driving and being behind someone going slow, Or what movies are good or music or anything, question his thinking, even unknowingly, and he�s going to sit and argue until you�ve given up or he�s started screaming. He will berate and belittle you and call it joking, he�ll jab at your insecurities but the second you give it back to him he�ll call you an rear end in a top hat. We had these arguments as kids playing call of duty but I�m floored his demeanor in these moments. He will do this to ANYONE, I�ve seen him do it to his mom, roommates, friends, strangers in a restaurant, or even the kid sitting behind us at a movie theater.

So through these actions 3/4 of our friend group has cut him off, other than myself and 3 other friends. He blames the others for being jerks to him or being idiots he doesn�t want to talk to anyway. In reality these people realized a lot sooner he is an rear end in a top hat on even a good day, and cut the negativity. I should have followed suit.

Now with all of these things said I feel like I�m just ripping on him super hard. This feels like a dirty email I shouldn�t send but I need advice on how to proceed. Our lease is up in a few months, I don�t have a new place lined up but I cannot continue living with Harold. I�m not joking when I say I�ve considered writing a novel about this guy because if I listed how he reacts to slow drivers, or to video games, or being faced with factual information y�all would think I�m making him up.

I don�t want to have another shouting match, I don�t want to try and tell him what he does that bothers others because I�ve tried and he�ll start by denying, screaming, and then break down into hysterical tears and it all makes me feel like poo poo. This guy was my friend until I lived with him, but now I�m just faking it.

One last thing, other roommate mentioned in the story now stays with his girlfriend 100 percent of the time and has been since about a month into the lease, still pays rent but his girlfriend lives closer to his work, so I�ve never had either back up or a third vote in either direction to give another perspective.

I guess it comes down to the real question, redditors who made the mistake of living with a friend, or bad roommates, or just all of y�all in general, how do I traverse this? Work wouldn�t really be an issue as he works in a different building/department, but do I just cut it off and say I�m moving out no explanation? Or should I tell him again how he hurts those around him in hopes he�ll see some light?

I�m sorry if this seems scatter brained or not conclusive, I have a hard time defining what is important to bring up, being that I never thought I�d be in this situation. Thanks again.

TLDR: roommate is insecure and is hurtful to be around. Thought he was a friend but the relationship on my end has gone sour. Lease is up in a few months, how should I proceed?

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:02

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

quote:

Help! My [24f] partner's[26nb] roommate/bff[27m] is a horrible, disgusting slob and needs an intervention

EDIT: Any advice on UK leases is so very welcome

TLDR: My partners roommate is gross as hell, I need advice on how to approach him about it so that the house is livable until we can kick him out when the lease is up.

Hi all, here's some real quick background:

My partner and I have been together for 6 years this coming Friday, the 30th. We are LDR and visit each other when we can and plan to move in together, but for now we're both living apart with roommates. Their roommate is also their best friend whom they've known longer than me, but is a complete and utter slob and I've witnessed it firsthand when I visited them recently. They're now asking me to help them intervene with his behavior because they're stuck in a year long lease and just wants to have a livable house until the lease expires at which point we are kicking him out.

The roommate, let's call him Michael, never takes out the trash, never cleans or helps maintain the house, never actually cleans any dishes just rinses them, barely washes himself, constantly tries to wiggle out of paying rent and bills, doesn't respect boundaries, constantly occupies the kitchen and cooks hazardous food, wastes money on food that ends up spoiling, wastes food by burning it or not cooking it properly (ie under cooked chicken), and above all else, is completely unbothered by any of this and refuses to clean even when guests come over.

Recently when I visited, my partner warned me that they tried to clean as much as they could. What I saw while I was over was honestly a horror show. The house was clean for maybe half a day before Michael started piling trash on top of the trash can and piling dirty dishes on top of "clean" ones. I put quotes on clean because his idea of cleaning a dish is rinsing it off and piling it on the other side, mixed with trash he won't take out. The kitchen, and every single one of the dishes and silverware, is also covered in a thick layer of grime because he refuses to cook with the hood on and cooks food in the grease from the last meal causing it to burn and fill the house with smoke, then refuses to open the windows to air out the house and even got mad at me when I did because the sun is too bright and "what's the point since I finished cooking?". Twice a day. Everyday. I have asthma.

On top of all of this, the man loving stinks. His feet are covered in layers of peeling dead skin and the only reason I know this is because he would prop is bare feet up on top of the couch. My partner had to force him to use medicated body wash because he literally would go months without showering or deodorant and literally started to grow mold. He still leaves grease stains wherever he sits.

I'm not even touching on the fact that when we had a party during my stay, he served all of the food on dirty plates with dirty silverware and got visibly angry when anyone offered to help him cook, and ended up serving unseasoned, gray, baked hotdogs. This man aspires to be a professional chef.

I have made it very clear to my partner that when I move Michael has to be gone. End of story, no ifs ands or buts, he's gone or we find a new house before I move. My partner had previously made it clear to Michael that if he didn't get his poo poo together then he was out when the lease is up, and Michael has made it very clear with his actions that he doesn't care or doesn't think he'll actually get kicked out.

So, my question is: How can I convey to Michael that this isn't cute and that his behavior is unacceptably lovely? What are some good strategies for telling a grown-rear end man he done hosed up without him going into "well gently caress it then" mode?

Thank you

Removed the imgur link, it was basically pics my partner has taken of this dudes literal trash piles he leaves around.

quote:

UPDATE: Help! My [24f] partner's[26nb] roommate/bff[27m] is a horrible, disgusting slob and needs an intervention

TLDR My partner was living with a gross dude who didn't know how to take care of himself, and dragged me into it

Update: I broke up with them! This was honestly only one of many reasons why but they just kept dragging me in to their fights, pitting me against their roommate, and causing him to get even angrier and feel cornered. They wouldn't listen to anything I had to say on this or anything else, and belittled and berated me about my flaws even when I called them out and asked them to stop. We were together 6 years and I don't regret it but as I grew as a person I realized they weren't and they're mental and physical health kept getting worse and worse despite my multiple interventions and even trying to physically get them into therapy. I didn't mention it in the original post but my ex had attempted suicide multiple times during our 6 years together, and even implied they were going to kill themselves because I was "the only thing in [their] life worth anything" when I broke up with them. This last attempt coupled with that statement broke me, and I just couldn't do it anymore.

I'm happy now.

Edit: Thank you all so much for the support, it really means a lot to me. And to clarify, I made every effort to ensure my ex's safety up until and even after our relationship ended, because even if we're not together I don't want them to die!!! I still care about their well being!!! And to use a commenters own words, no it will not be my fault if they "go bye bye" I cannot even express how hurtful and harmful that statement is.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:06

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Gross housemate drama is my favourite drama, because I have had some real gross housemates

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:08

Barudak: May 7, 2007

empty sea posted:

Better to just buy some leather and a ball gag and whip the poo poo out of dumb white rich dudes IMO. If I can't eat them, I can at least tenderize them!

There is a black dominatrix who as part of her domination of her all white clientele forces them to read black feminist theory so the skys really the limit.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:19

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

My [29F] roommate [26F] is obsessed with and trying to 'become' our friend [31M]'s fianc�e [28F].

quote:

Okay. This is going to be very long, and I�m writing this because I�m not sure how else to handle this at this point.

So to preface:

This primarily involves me (Soulberry, 29), my roommate Cassie (26), the girl she�s stalking, Maelle (28), and Simon (31), Maelle�s fianc�.

We live in a city of almost 2 million, but somehow, everyone in this nerd circle knows (or at least knows of) everyone else. I�m sorry if the details are sparse, but I feel like I might be outed by too many specifics, as a lot of us also browse Reddit.

I moved to this city for college and ended up staying, as a lot of people often do. I was living alone until I met Cassie through a mutual friend about 3 years ago. I come from a very stable home life. I have a very close relationship with my mother and stepfather, and I have twin younger brothers that I talk to daily. Cassie, on the other hand, was raised by her aunt and uncle and was on and off medicine (I don�t know what for) for a lot of her middle school years. She has no siblings and avoids calls from her aunt, only talking to her maybe once a week. She has her quirks, but I thought she was a well-adjusted member of society.

Cassie and I were at a convention roughly a year ago when we met Simon and Maelle. They had just moved to the area and Simon, Cassie and I hit it off. We found out that we all had quite a few mutual friends and our friendship was solidified when we all saw each other at a party a week later. Maelle was really quiet and reserved the first couple times we all hung out, but eventually we were all getting on really well. Simon and Maelle are somewhat of a power couple, if that�s the correct word. They are both attractive, they have good careers, but they also have a very visible and active presence in these subculture communities and a myriad of hobbies both within and outside of the community. They have a lot of friends surrounding them, and their condo is often the �centre of operations� for weekends out or parties. Maelle is very no-nonsense take charge kind, and Simon is very goofy, open, and welcoming. They�re both very social, basically. After we met them, Simon and Maelle got engaged. It was a long time coming apparently, and everyone was thrilled.

While I knew that Cassie had a crush on Simon (not surprising, he�s very good looking and charismatic), I thought that it was something very innocent, as she�s had �crushes� on people in our friends circle before. But sometime after they were engaged (I can�t remember specifics, I wasn�t writing anything down at this point) she said she was going to flake on plans to hang out at their house and play board games. When I asked why, she said Maelle and Simon had been fighting a lot recently, and it made her uncomfortable. I was genuinely surprised, as I wasn�t aware of her being over there without me, and every time we were there everything had seemed normal. Cassie insisted that they�d been fighting, giving each other the silent treatment, and kind of joked that I was normally sooo observant but hadn�t noticed this. She then said she wasn�t surprised, that Maelle was a cold-hearted person and Simon �honestly deserved better�. This seemed like a pretty intense escalation to me, as she�d never had a problem with them before and got along with both Simon and Maelle, so I suggested that she skip hanging out and take some time to draw things out (she apparently did this a lot in therapy, and making these �flowchart� things seems to help her with graduate school anxiety, worries, and difficult decisions). She instead asked if I was still going, and when I said yes, immediately said she�d go. I didn�t want to discourage her, but I said that if she felt uncomfortable, she should tell me and we�d leave.

We went, and she would laugh and joke with Simon, but when Maelle spoke to her or asked her questions (food or drink choices, for example) she got very visibly uncomfortable and would kind of �shut down� or pretend not to hear her. Simon would glance between me and her a couple of times, but no one said anything, even Maelle. I hadn�t seen Cassie act like this in a long time, and resolved to talk to her about it when I got home. Well, that never happened, as we ended up staying the night and then going out to brunch the next day, where Cassie seemed perfectly fine with Maelle. I thought it had blown over, and Cassie didn�t say much about her from then on, so nothing sticks out in my head until Cassie announced a couple weeks later that she had a boyfriend, Chad.

Cassie has always been bisexual but she�s casually dated women exclusively since I met her, so this was a new development. I asked if she�d end up bringing him around, if she wanted to switch beds (her aunt ended up giving us mattresses a couple years ago, and I�d taken the bigger one at Cassie�s insistence). At first she said yes, and then changed her mind, saying that he lived alone and it was easier to go over to his house. Despite this, she never spent the night there, although she�d vanish to his house for hours on end.

After she got her �boyfriend� (that I never met, almost 2 months later) is when poo poo really started getting weird. Cassie started getting oddly obsessed with things she�d never cared about before, like skincare and haircare. Her face started breaking out like crazy, and it really seemed to frustrate her. She was getting packages almost every other day, from Amazon or other places. I found a pamphlet on our side door table for laser eye surgery (she has glasses). She got a brand new phone, out of the blue, and started going to her school�s gym and starving herself (and then binging the next day) and constantly told me that she was starting to lose weight, she was looking so good, her boobs were getting smaller. When I was folding our laundry one day, I found a shirt that was not mine and would not fit her. When I asked her about it, she quickly snatched it away, saying that she bought it for when she would be �fit enough to wear it�. We�d always watched TV shows together before, but she was spending an abnormal amount of time on her phone now. She mentioned setting her phone to French because she wanted to learn another language, and I told her to talk to Maelle or another friend Stephanie (both are trilingual). She said she�d never ask Maelle for help, and asked me not to talk about Maelle around her. When I asked why, she said it seemed like Maelle was �mean� to her, and Maelle�s behaviour �gave her anxiety�. At this point, I started writing things down, as warning flags were going off but I had no idea why, what they meant, or how to handle it.

Which brings us to yesterday, when I got a text from Simon after I came back from work and Cassie had left me a text saying that she was �at her boyfriend�s� (word for word off of my phone):

Simon: Hey are we hanging tonight?

Me: I had no plans to, why?

Simon: Just saw cassie leaving our development, wondered if we forgot about plans we�d made, maelle is working overtime tonight so I�m sorry if there was a miscommunication.

Me: There wasn�t, I had no plans to hang out and neither did Cassie.

Simon: OK nice just making sure. See you Sunday.

I thought about texting Cassie at this point, but decided against it. She came home that night with her hair dyed dark brown. I mentioned that Simon had texted me about seeing her leave the development, and she denied being there. I showed her the message, and she read it, before handing it back to me and saying that she didn�t think there would be any board games on Sunday. When I asked why, she told me that Maelle and Simon were considering calling off their engagement, because Simon wasn�t happy with Maelle anymore. When I asked her what made her think that, she got defensive. She said that Simon talked to her more than I realized, that they had a real connection, and that she was privy to all kinds of �terrifying things� about Maelle that Simon had told her. She pulled out her phone and said that I should believe her, but if I didn�t, she�d show me proof.

For some reason, seeing her phone was the turning point for me, and it hit me all at once. Maelle had dark brown hair. Maelle had the exact same phone that Cassie suddenly got, and set it to one of Maelle�s primary languages that she speaks. Maelle didn�t wear glasses, but Maelle did have Ray Bans in the exact style that Cassie suddenly bought (pointlessly, because Cassie did not wear contacts). I�d never met Chad, but all of her descriptions of him sounded suspiciously like Simon (tall, tan, black wavy hair, really dark brown eyes). I asked to see her phone, and she basically flipped out, saying that I should trust her on principle, and that we�re best friends. I wanted to ask her about everything I�d noticed, but I had no idea how to bring it up, so I sort of choked on my words. Cassie used the opportunity to yell at me again for not trusting her, started crying and said that she was going over to Chad�s, slamming the door on her way out.

After a couple minutes of just sort of standing there trying to process things, I started snooping. I know I shouldn�t have, but that�s water under the proverbial bridge at this point. I started in her bathroom, where I was faced with an unfamiliar array of French skincare products and really expensive shampoos and conditioners. The first drawer had all of her old stuff in it (Suave, drugstore skincare stuff, etc) and the second drawer had more of her old stuff with a paper list in it. I opened it and found a bunch of odd things written down, divided by lines. I realized after a moment that they were brands (Avene, Phyto, Madewell, that sort of thing) divided by types (skincare, clothes, etc). Also written were seemingly random words like �yoga�, �bangles� and �peacocks�. Cassie worked part time and did not have a lot of money to spare, so I was wondering where she got the money for this brand new range (and wondering if that�s why her skin was so bad now). I opened the third drawer, and sort of just got a horrible sinking feeling. The third drawer had a bunch of things of Maelle�s in it. Lipsticks, hair accessories, a loving pouch with her name embroidered on it that I didn�t open, and a bunch of other stuff I didn�t take stock of.

After seeing this, I immediately texted Simon with �Hey, is Maelle missing anything from her bathroom?� Simon immediately called me. Yes, Maelle had been missing things for a while now. I explained what I�d found, and Simon was just as confused and lost as I was. It ended with him asking me to just remove those things from her bathroom and put them in a bag, and to meet the next day to pick them up so I could explain to Maelle. He said that I was still welcome in their house, but Cassie wasn�t welcome anymore. He then said he�d call and tell her this and hung up. I gathered up all of Maelle�s things and moved them safely to my room, and when I came back out into the living room, I had five rambling texts from Cassie. In them, she blamed me for ruining her chances with Simon. She accused me of destroying our friendship by going through her things, saying she�d never forgive me, and that Maelle was a bitch who was lying and trying to frame her to keep her and Simon apart. I immediately called Cassie, and it rang once before it went straight to voicemail.

At this point, no holds were barred. Her laptop was on the arm of the couch, and I opened it. At first, I was going to go on her Facebook, but everything was right on the desktop in a folder labeled �NNNNN�. Pictures of Simon from Instagram and Facebook, what little pictures Maelle had posted on social media and screenshots of her twitter updates, pictures of their house, the bathroom, the inside of Maelle�s dresser drawers, pictures peering through the windows of both of their cars, a picture of Maelle�s engagement ring. I immediately zipped the contents of the folder and emailed them to myself from Cassie�s email account. I tried calling her again, and was shuttled to voicemail. I considered going into her room, but thought that might have also been crossing a line, so I just went into my room to take stock of what Cassie had stolen from Maelle. She�d taken jewelry, a lot of stuff from the French pharmacies (tampons, calling cards, ointments), a lot of lipsticks, some skincare (mostly sunscreen), hair accessories, some things definitely from her bedroom (a pair of small pink socks for example).

So I�m just at a loss. I�m convinced there�s no boyfriend of Cassie's, but I have no idea where she's been when she says she's at his house. I�m convinced that something is very wrong with Cassie for her to be so weirdly obsessed with Maelle, but I have no idea what. Maelle woke up with the flu this morning, so we are not meeting tonight, and Cassie hasn�t been home since she left yesterday. I tried calling her twice today, Simon texted me briefly earlier in the day, but aside from that, I haven�t spoken to anyone else about this.

tl;dr as far as I can tell my roommate is obsessed with our good friend and is stealing his fianc�e�s belongings and trying to emulate her down to what sort of freaking shampoo she uses to wash her hair. What can I do, what the hell am I going to be facing, what could be wrong with her?

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:25

Xenocides: Jan 14, 2008; This world looks very scary....

Free will is clearly an illusion.

quote:

My [22F] jealousy of my twin's relationship is ruining my life

My identical twin sister Annie and I started working at a bar a year ago, where we met Mark [22M]. I've always dreamed of dating a guy like Mark, but it was obvious he liked my sister better from the start and before long, they started dating.

I ended up being forced to date my current boyfriend Stan a few weeks later. A friend of ours was dating Stan's best friend and I still don't know how this happened, but I got dragged into a date then a relationship with him because our friend and her boyfriend thought Stan was lonely and needed someone.

Since then, things have gotten worse. I am really jealous of Annie's relationship and I can't help but compare what she has with me. For our birthday, Mark and Annie went out for dinner and then went to go see IT. I spent it at home, watching Stan play a video game he blew his money on because he didn't want to see IT because he doesn't like clowns (neither do I, but I still wanted to see the movie because I love horror films. He doesn't). Mark gave Annie a beautiful pendant: Stan forgot to get me a present and I wouldn't be surprised if he blew his paycheck on something he'd like more than me.

Right now, I am just furious. I haven't been able to stop crying. Annie called me up earlier this evening to tell me that Mark just surprised her with plane tickets. They're going to England to see his family for Christmas.

Stan's Christmas plan is to take me to his hometown in the middle of nowhere to meet his family. I've met his mom before and she hates me. I don't know why, but I know that she doesn't know I understand Spanish and can understand what she says about me.

I hate this so much. I hate that Annie is getting to live the life I want to have and I am stuck with someone who makes me miserable every day since we've met. And I can't leave Stan because then he's going to flip out and our friends will think I'm an rear end in a top hat for leaving him. If he kills himself like he's threatened to do in the past, they're going to blame me. I just know it.

I jsut want to go away. I don't think I can spend the rest of my life making sure that Stan doesn't go into a meltdown while Annie gets to live the life I've always dreamed for myself.

Tl;DR: Why does my twin sister get to live my dream when I have nothing to live for and everything goes wrong for me?

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:27

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Xenocides posted:

I ended up being forced to date my current boyfriend Stan a few weeks later. A friend of ours was dating Stan's best friend and I still don't know how this happened, but I got dragged into a date then a relationship with him because our friend and her boyfriend thought Stan was lonely and needed someone.

well nothing she can do about that, just keep dating this loser i guess, there's clearly zero alternatives

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:29

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for talking frankly about my abortion, when my coworker was making some wild generalizations about what abortions are like?

I was in the break room at work and my coworker Arthur who tends to talk a lot about politics... Got to talking about politics.

It was me, my coworker John who I'm good friends with, Adam who I don't know too well, and Arthur in the room. I was kinda sitting back from the discussion because I wanted to chill and eat lunch.

But it kind of annoyed me that Arthur was making comments about women getting abortions without knowing what they're getting into, making impulse decisions because they're scared of Parenthood. As if this is a big thing that happens often.

I spoke up and said I didn't think it was like that; our state has mandatory counseling and meetings to make sure the person is giving informed consent. And I didn't think anyone was going about it willy nilly without knowing what they were doing.

He got kind of blustery, saying "how do you know that they don't just rush you through that, tick a few boxes?"

I said that when I'd had mine, I had a very practical and informative counseling session that gave me a lot of information on my options, what I'd expect from the procedure, what my specific risks of continuing with a pregnancy would be, due to a medical condition of mine. And I didn't feel at all like I was doing something I didn't understand.

It was really awkwardly silent for a bit. Arthur told me that wasn't appropriate for me to have said at work, and it's something I ought to keep quieter. I bit back the childish urge to comment that he started it.

Later, John, my friend from work said he thought it was funny, how I threw Arthur's assumptions in his face, but he thinks I ought to be a little more careful because Arthur is probably gonna think differently of me now.

I don't feel ashamed to talk about it, but I do see how it was a lot to say at work...

AITA for talking frankly about my abortion?

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:33

V for Vegas: Sep 1, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER

Kill Stan then kill Annie and take her place.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:37

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

just kill stan and get a new wife, in prison

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:44

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Sorry about your impeneding unemployment woman who got an abortion and owned a dude

Miss posted:

well nothing she can do about that, just keep dating this loser i guess, there's clearly zero alternatives

But he washes his rear end!!!!

# ? Jan 16, 2020 02:44

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Me [22 F] with my roommate [19 F] of two weeks, she is ruining my life but she won't have anywhere to go if I kick her out. She is unbearably inconsiderate, am I over-reacting?

quote:

I have been friends with my roommate, we'll call her Jane, for a few years now and she is one of my closest friends in the city. I love her to death, she has so much personality and is a genuinely good person. This all started because she was in a horrible relationship with the worst person I have ever met [26ish M], let's call him Dick (see what I did there?). He was verbally abusive, very controlling and if we're being honest here, pretty loving crazy. I never liked him, but he made her happy for a while so I was happy for her: I voiced my concerns but I was pretty supportive.

Jane came to me and told me she just couldn't live with him any more, and I told her I understood, and that she would be welcome to stay with me in my one bedroom apartment, but I was very clear that she would have to split rent and not be messy in my space like she was in hers. My rent is $1050, and I asked her to pay $400, because that's more than fair and it's how much I need for this arrangement to be worth it for me. She only gave me $220 for this month!

I will have you know that I am very type-A. I am so organized, I could live in my house for weeks blindfolded because I know where everything is. Even in mild amounts of clutter, my clutter is organized. And clean.

But she is so irresponsible and inconsiderate! I just came home at 7am to a naked dude (junk in hand) roaming the house, both of them tripping acid, and vomit ALL over the bathroom. Today is my day off and I'm already angry and have spent an hour cleaning up after the tornado that must have just ripped right through my house last night. And this is after having THREE talks about her not showing respect for me or my home. Every single day I come home from an 8 hour shift and spend at least 30-45 minutes (sometimes more) picking up after her, because she is just fine with living in filth. She will literally watch me do HER dishes, or clean up all the poo poo she left on my couch, table, coffee table, counters, bed, desk, etc. How rude, right?

We have very different understandings of what it means to have a "clean" space, which we have also talked about. She sweeps and dusts, but who cares about dirt on the floor when you can't even see it through the PILES of poo poo everywhere! I started to contribute to the sweeping and scrubbing, but she has made no effort to pick up after herself. I don't have children for a reason!

This part will be me whining, so feel free to skip this paragraph: Dick comes to my house at 2:30am the other night, which pisses me off to no end because I have to wake up at 5am. He's on my front porch banging on the door, my dog is going crazy and he won't leave. Jane of course can't be bothered to get out of bed to deal with her own dramatic bullshit. I yell through the door that I'm calling the cops and he needs to go away, so he leaves. But I wake up in the morning and Dick has stolen Jane's car! Which means that she is holed up in my home, making a giant mess everyday. Jane pooped in my toilet, closed the lid and didn't flush. She did the same thing with a tampon this week. She stole some of my Adderall, after I told her that was equivalent to my savings account. She drinks all my wine without contributing and has started to eat my food. She got a giant period-stain on my white cloth couch, she never re-uses towels, doesn't buy toilet paper or paper towels and has no problem using them, she absolutely refuses to take out the trash, she leaves filled ice trays out so they melt. She is noisy and we have opposite sleeping schedules, but that I could tolerate if the other stuff wasn't happening. I can't keep doing this, it literally stresses me out all day long knowing that I'll have to go home and clean before I can relax.

She maybe works 20-30 hours a week while I'm at 40 and looking for a second job. Every day I get home from work (at 3pm) and she is drunk, stoned and my house is a wreck. I can't even have my boyfriend over anymore because I share the bed with Jane and I don't want him to see the mess, and it's taking a toll on our relationship.

Basically, my patience is running out and I don't know what to do. I need to know if I am completely over-reacting and I need to just learn to live in a landfill? Or am I right? Again, I have asked Jane three times to show a little respect for me and my space, to no avail. I do not want to kick her out, because I know she'll move back in with Dick and be miserable, it will ruin our relationship and I could really use the financial help right now.

Is there a best way to approach this? What do I do? I suck at confrontation, any and all advice is welcome and much appreciated. And if you've made it this far, thank you for reading this novel of bitching.

# ? Jan 16, 2020 03:03

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 23:46

Sandwich Anarchist: Sep 12, 2008

A woman is taking advantage of me and destroying my home, am I overreacting by being upset?

# ? Jan 16, 2020 03:12

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

«‹›2589 »