Seik posted:

Are you joking? For one, you definitely deserve to know the sexuality of the person you're dating

Cobalt-60 posted:

Jeez, all this derailing and you haven't even mentioned how much he tipped the waiter.

quote:

My fiancé and I have been together for 5 years. She has always told me that she hates her name. I’m going to use a fake name here for obvious reasons, but it’s similar, for example it’s something like her name is Kathryn and she goes by Katie. She chooses to go by “Katie” (or the real shorter version of her name) because to her it is the best version of her name. She detests her full name purely because it sounds “grandmaish” to her and she wishes it was something else.

Katie has always been a dancer and a couple of years ago, she got into burlesque dancing. She started entering amateur competitions and goes to conventions as well. I support her doing so, it’s a fun hobby for her. A part of her being in the burlesque community is having a stage name. She chose to go by “Gypsy” during her shows and yes, that is really what she chose, not making it up. For the first year she just used it for shows but then slowly started using it in her every day life. She changed her Instagram name to reflect that and then changed her name badge at work, followed by her FB profile.

Around NYE’s she asked everyone in her life, me included, to start calling her Gypsy. I said no. I think it’s a fine nickname but it’s not her name. I further said that expecting everyone to call her something else was ridiculous when we all knew her as “Katie” and she needed to leave her Burlesque persona on the stage. I also pointed out in some communities her name was considered a slur and she needed to rethink it. She got upset and said it was her name, she could change it.

Most of our friends call her “Gypsy” now, but her family and I still call her Katie. Recently, she posted a long rant on Instagram about her name change not being respected. Keep in mind, she didn’t legally change her name. She got some backlash from her community, telling her to keep her persona on stage, some said I and her family were assholes. Am I being an rear end here?

CharlestheHammer posted:

Also lol goons defending that weird robot mom

OhAreThey posted:

If you look at their post history, it's clearly a troll. Or someone who is severely mentally ill.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for refusing to call my fiancé by her burlesque name?

quote:

I had a bit to drink last night, and was sitting outside on my porch. My neighbor came outside and was doing a little hula hoop and dancing, I got a bit bold and started completing her. I’m friendly with the neighbor, she’s an attractive woman. She wasn’t offended by my drunk behavior and showed me a few tricks with her hula hoop.

I let some...too specific comments about her body slip, and immediately apologized to her. She told me not to worry about it, and I went back in.

Wife asked me what I was talking to the neighbor about, I told her what happened, and she got really upset. She had been watching us talking from the window and watched her show me some tricks or “dance for me” as she put it. I could understand why she was upset, I apologized to her and told her it wouldn’t happen again. She didn’t accept my apology. In fact she told me that she won’t accept my apology until I call her beautiful/give her compliments within earshot of our neighbor a few times. I told her I thought she was being ridiculous, and asked her how she thought I should go about doing it. She told me I could whistle at her while she’s running, yell to her while she’s gardening, just something that the neighbor would notice.

I apologized to her again, but told her that I would not be doing the crazy poo poo she is suggesting. She got angry and we proceeded to argue. She’s making me sleep in the living room until I concede, and refusing to speak to me. She thinks I’m an rear end in a top hat for refusing to repair the relationship her way after I “betrayed” her. I basically just let it slip that my neighbor was sexy while I was drunk. I apologized immediately. I didn’t betray her. I’ve apologized a thousand times, am I an rear end in a top hat for not going along with this complimenting thing?

Edit:

I want to make sure everyone understands...she wants me to specifically compliment her and catcall her in front of my neighbor.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for refusing to catcall my wife?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for refusing to catcall my wife?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for refusing to catcall my wife?

quote:

Okay so my boyfriend atm stays home and I work three 12s a week. That said, I like to meal prep so I don’t have to cook every day for my lunches.

Well, my boyfriend, WHO STAYS HOME ALL DAY, thinks it’s a good idea to eat my lunches while i’m at work. I’ve asked him to stop but he says, “But your food is so good. Plus why don’t you make more so I can have some?” I’ve told him multiple times that I’m stressed and that I can’t make more meals because it’s a lot of work.

So he continued to eat my food. I remember that he HATES spicy food while I really enjoy it. So what do I do? Add spice. A lot of it.

Last time he ate something of mine, he called me yelling at me. He said I was being an rear end in a top hat and that I know he hates spicy food. I told him, “Tough. Stop eating my food then.”

Now he’s mad at me....

Tl;dr- After asking my boyfriend NOT to eat my meal prepped food, I purposely made my latest meal preps SUPER spicy and now my boyfriend says I’m an rear end in a top hat. AITA?

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for purposefully making my meal-prep super spicy to stop my BF from eating it?

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I've been on different biologics over the years and I'm currently taking Cosentyx, which has been near perfect for treating and managing my psoriasis. Biologics are basically magic for treating this stuff.

MarcusSA posted:

Just break up already

quote:

UPDATE: Holy smokes, I didn’t expect for this to blow up... as for some questions, doubling my recipes would take more time. I use a lot of veggies and rice when I cook and I homemake my sauces and which takes a lot of time.

For those of you who say I need to dump him, it’s a big consideration, but it’s hard. He may not be the most considerate person and I’ve brushed it aside since I’ve been very lonely for a while. When we first started, he used to cook a lot for me and that was great. But after we moved in together, he changed and expected me to cook/shop/clean more often. Worst of all, dating for me is extremely difficult. I work in transportation, and while I have a schedule now, I used to have to work nights so dating was hard. A lot of dates were upset with me and my job because of lack of availability. This guy seemed independent enough that me being gone for two to three days wasn’t a problem. For reference he’s early thirties and I’m late twenties.

Honestly, I’m overwhelmed with what to do. We have a lease together and while I can fully support myself, he can’t since he’s laid off and I’d feel terrible to kick him to the curb. So for now, I’m logging out... thanks everyone.

SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/fxw48q/my_28f_boyfriend_31m_allowed_another_girl_to/

quote:

My (28f) boyfriend (31m) allowed another girl to grind on him at a dance while I was away.
[quote]Hey guys, so this happened before quarantine but it’s been bothering me. I work overnights and unfortunately miss a lot of things. My boyfriend doesn’t like to go out much, but it feels like the only times he wants to go out are when I’m away at work.

Anyways, I told my boyfriend I’d be gone for two days and he said it was a shame because he was gunna work at a music festival and wanted me to come along. Flash forward to after the festival and me returning home, I asked how it was. The conversation went like this:

Me: How was the music festival? Looked like fun on facebook.

Him: Yah it was really good! I got free beer all day and was able to dance a little. I ended up dancing with this girl which was fun.

Me: Oh? You danced with a girl...? Okay...

Him: It wasn’t serious. Just a little grinding. I mean that was weird and I told her that I have a girlfriend. We still danced afterwards.

Me: I dunno... how to feel about this...

Him: I think you’re overreacting. I’m being honest with you.

But after the talk, I just felt uncomfortable. I feel like if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t have gotten to the point where a person would be grinding on me... now I have a bit of trust issues especially with my job having me gone one to two nights at a time. Is he right, am I overreacting?

Tl;dr- boyfriend worked a music festival, danced with a girl who grinded against him, he claims to be honest with me and told me I’m overreacting. I don’t think I can trust him. Help?

Licarn posted:

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I've been on different biologics over the years and I'm currently taking Cosentyx, which has been near perfect for treating and managing my psoriasis. Biologics are basically magic for treating this stuff.

Invisible Clergy posted:

Oh, cool, thanks. If doctors ever reopen for nonvital services I might look into it.

quote:

This happened a few months ago but I've been curious since it happened. I travel for work about 3 times a year and usually don't stay in a hotel for longer than 3 nights each trip. Last year in June a work trip of mine lined up with a personal trip my sister and her boyfriend were taking. My sister invited our parents and we all met up in the city.

After dinner one night we all met back at the hotel I was staying. While we were in my room I kept the "Do Not Disturb" sign on. My parents noticed my unmade bed and that I had moved my room service coffee order to outside the door to be picked up. My dad asked me if I had the cleaning service come in to make the bed and clean up. I said no, I usually always leave the do not disturb up and leave a tip at the end of my stay for when they turn the room over for the next guest. My dad literally called me an rear end in a top hat for this and said I was preventing people from doing their job. I said I never thought about it that way and just thought it was one less room for them to do. I use the same towels and don't really like how they make beds. It also makes me uneasy about people around my things when I'm not there. So I just thought it was easier for everybody for the cleaning service to skip my room. I should note I always tip at the end of my stay and whenever I have room service delivered.

I asked my sister if she thought I was an rear end in a top hat and she said yes. But she worked on a hotel cleaning staff for years so she may be biased. My fiance says I'm not an rear end in a top hat but he might be biased too!

Quick background info: I have a distant relationship with my family. My sister had a lot of mental health issues growing up, which resulted in me being largely ignored in my teenage years. I grew up wealthy and they mostly just made sure I had enough money and extracurriculars to keep me busy and out of the house. Its caused a strain on our relationships now and a bit of resentment on my part. I moved states and have been attending therapy and I think I've made some pretty good progress because TBH they are mostly the same.

So Reddit AMITA for always using the Do Not Disturb sign when I stay at a hotel? I'm totally open to changing my ways and need an unbiased view. Thanks in advance for your judgement!

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for always using the "Do Not Disturb" sign when I stay at a hotel?

Bruceski posted:

It's a shame he didn't ask his sister WHY it was a problem, since she has experience in the business this seems like a perfect time to have a discussion rather than an argument.

op posted:

My sister is really money motivated and hated school but loved working and really enjoys cleaning. So to her she sees it as missing out on tips and someone preventing her from making money. She is also instant gratification so she fails to see the connection for being tipped later. I don't think we've been pissing off housekeeping our whole lives but you can't please everyone all the time, right? It seems like a lot of people in this thread are agreeing with our hotel services decision and I'm feeling loads better.

Licarn posted:

She is also instant gratification so she fails to see the connection for being tipped later.

Licarn posted:

deleted text:

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for not letting my daughter (18F) get a stripper pole for exercise?

Background: She’s a high school senior, she does gymnastics and dance team through school but all of that is cancelled since everyone is tell-schooling from home now. Her argument is that pole dancing is great exercise (no argument here) and not very different doing gymnastics from home. She wants to put it in our basement rec room, which to be fair isn’t used much and has plenty of space. My argument is... it’s a freakin’ stripper pole. No way do I want her on one of those.

UPDATE: Okay, I’m moderately convinced that I’m overreacting, but I’ll leave this up for now because people seem to love a soapbox. By the way, I didn’t make this clear, but I’m her father.

quote:

Me (28M) and fiancee (27F) have been together for 4 years, engaged for 6 months. I also have a 7 year-old lab mix who is the greatest dog in existence.

On Saturday, fiancee had a bachelorette party at home. I stayed with my parents but I left the dog with her because she likes having him there. However, I made sure to tell her to put the dog in our bedroom once the party gets going.

5am on Sunday I get a frantic call that something's wrong with the dog. She was drunk, so I told her to get a taxi and go to the emergency vet clinic. When I got there, she looked like she hadn't stopped crying for hours and she couldn't even speak. Two of her friends were there so they told me my dog is alive but not well. I felt sorry for her for an entire 10 minutes while waiting for the doctor.

But then, the doctor told me my dog ingested large amounts of alcohol and chocolate edibles. The girls apparently thought it would be cool to leave everything out on short coffee tables, leave the dog to wander around instead of putting him in our bedroom, and then get wasted and not notice he was going to town with the booze and edibles.

When we got home, I told my fiancee to pack and get out of my house and my life. I told her to tell her guests the wedding is off, and I'll tell mine. She was shocked, but she took her things and left.

2 hours later, I get bombarded by messages on Messenger, Whatsapp, by her sisters, brother, brother's wife, her mom, her friends, telling me that I am insane to do this to her after 4 years. They started off defending her, but it quickly turned into insulting me.

The logical thing for me to do was look for comfort in my friends and family. Nope. They all loving agree. My mom said: "Well, it was a mistake, she didn't do it on purpose, besides - the dog didn't die!" Lucky me, eh? My dog didn't loving die!

My sister was appalled that I cancelled the wedding "over that?!" and even my best man said I might have overreacted. Yes, our relationship has had ups and downs, but it's mostly worked fine. But I am so disgusted at my fiancee that I can't even imagine looking her in the eye, let alone spending my whole life with her. She isn't loving 17, she is 27!

By the way, this is not the first dumb thing she has done. She likes to text while driving, she always leaves stuff on the electric stove (like kitchen towels, the cutting board etc.) even though she has turned on the wrong burner and burnt whatever was on it several times in the past, and similar DANGEROUS things. It's not something I hold against her in the sense that I would ever mention in a fight, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried that she might end up killing herself or someone else. For example, my dog.

I'm 99% sure I will stand by my decision. But am I really an rear end in a top hat? Literally nobody is on my side and I have no idea what to think.

quote:

Edit: Posting here kind of triggered me to conclude this isn't about the dog at all. She is negligent and irresponsible and I don't want to stick around and possibly see our child die in a car accident some day because she was texting or she forgot to put his seat belt on. I'd rather be an rear end in a top hat now than spend years of my life worrying every time our child is left alone with her. If she'd accidentally killed a person while texting and driving, I would also leave her. I guess I realized I don't want to spend my life with someone who has such blatant disregard for human (or animal) life.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

NTA. gently caress your marriage aspirations, my pets are more important to me than you.

E:Oh, edit while I was reading and posting. A good conclusion and an equally valid reason to cut things off; people who text while driving are similarly scum of the earth. There is nothing so important that it can't loving wait 'til you've gotten to your destination.

threelemmings posted:

Yeah that's a repeat and iirc the comments show it was even more purposefully negligent than the original text indicates.

quote:

I got a lot of good feedback and you guys are right; I did let my temper get the best of me in front of her on multiple occasions and that makes me a bad boss.

I went to her office unsure of what to expect. The door was locked when I got there, so I stood outside waiting. She came up behind me and said my name. She asked me if I was ready to interview and I just said yes.

We sat down in her office and she pulled out her phone and started recording. She asked me if I minded being taped and I said no.

She asked me basic interview questions, and then she asked me if there was anything that I knew I had to work on. I told her that my temper was an issue in the past, but that I have had a sudden wake-up call about my temper and that I was actively working on it. I apologized for leaving her hanging with training and that I was glad to see she was in a better position.

She told me that one of the things she had learned was forgiveness. She had left the company she was at and rehired to because they had wronged her during the merger. When she was offered the position back, it was with an apology, a raise, and now she is in a better position than when she left. She said sometimes an apology can start you down the path towards something better.

She told me that she is willing to hire me for a good wage because she knew I was good at a lot of things at my previous job. She said if I lost my temper during the trial period, it would be the end, but she was hopeful that it wouldn't happen. She asked me if I could start Friday.

She started training me today, and I definitely realized I was the problem and why she didn't succeed where I was. She is absolutely wonderful at the job with great client interactions. She should've been able to easily pick up the work I was throwing at her if she had been properly trained. I'm glad that she gave the company a second chance because she deserves everything they have given her. I hope to learn a lot from her and show her that she didn't waste her time on me.

I've also signed up for therapy to manage my anger online.

TL;DR: I ate my humble pie and went to the interview. She is giving me a second chance and I hope to be a good employee. I'm starting anger management soon.

quote:

So I transfered locations at work due to moving. I had not got my position from the previous store right away and worked really hard to get it back. Unlike my original store this one had two people for the department rather then one. I'll use a fake name for this but a very similar situation.

My coworker Anna was an older lady who has been working that department for 10+ years and she just could not get my name right.

She's always call me Margret rather then my real name Peggy.

My birth name is Peggy (not really but close.) She refused to believe me.

Any time shed call for me I didn't respond because I never realised she was talking to me. She'd yell at me to get my attention and say stuff like "Margret I need you to help this customer." And similar stuff and I'd say "is Peggy." But all she'd do it get dismissive and say "yeah whatever, I'll call you what I like." I'd tell her no, I'd like to be called my name. I took the time to learn hers, a very difficult one at that, so call me mine.

On a down time she came to me and told me that she did not believe my name was Peggy and would never call me that. So she clearly knew what I want to be called, not forgetting. So the next day I brought my ID with me from my locker and showed her. She then went to management because I was "being hostile" with her. WTF?

AITA for just wanting to be called my actual name?

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for correcting my coworker on my NAME?

Evil Willow posted:

[UPDATE] The hiring manager [30sF] where I [30sF] am interviewing is someone I fired last year.The hiring manager [30sF] where I [30sF] am interviewing is someone I fired last year.

I'm starting anger management soon

quote:

Background: For about four months now, my wife has been regularly working with a personal trainer at her gym. His name is Scott, he’s 25, tall (maybe 6’3”), good-looking, and in terrific shape. I was initially a bit jealous but she was working really hard on her body and the results have been amazing. (She’s a gorgeous woman but has had weight issues — now she has abs.) So I really couldn’t complain.

Shortly before the quarantine began where I live (a little less than a month ago), she went to one of her regular sessions. She didn’t come home. Instead, she texted to inform me that she’d be “quarantining with Scott” and that she hoped I’d understand that it was “just something she needed to do.” We texted a little since, but she’s been evasive and I’m reluctant to press for details. It often takes her hours or even a full day to reply to me.

Now, before you ask, I don’t know Scott’s last name or his address, and the gym is closed and probably wouldn’t tell me anyway. So I can’t just drive over there and confront her. Our finances are mostly separate (we have a small shared account which she hasn’t touched) so that’s not really an issue. I’m wondering if I should be patient and give her a chance or start thinking about a divorce.

tl;dr: My wife is quarantining with her personal trainer. She hasn’t said she’s sleeping with him but it seems very likely.

quote:

My school went online a few weeks ago, and instead of using zoom they paid for a fancy secure system to conduct online classes. It's like zoom except you need a pass code and it's more private and secure (so I've been told). A few days ago, we had an online class. There was a few extra people with random names I hadn't heard of, cameras and volume were off. A friend (Joseph) messaged me and said he invited some friends to join in. I was tired and didn't think anything of it.

So the class goes on and all of a sudden people start freaking out. The "friends" had unmuted and were screaming racial slurs. They said they were hackers, they knew our location, we were in danger. My teacher just ended the entire class. A few minutes later a new link & pass code were sent out. We rejoined, just the students. The teacher apologized and said that it appeared we were hacked, this should never have happened, he would launch a complaint with the system. Not everyone rejoined the class and in our group chat some people said they never wanted to do an online class again, they were so scared.

Joseph messaged me after and said he thought it was funny. I disagreed and said that he obviously scared people and he should fess up. He called me a pussy and we left it at that. I felt really bad, but didn't say anything.

Our online classes continued the next few days but that specific class was canceled. They sent out a mass email yesterday saying that they had launched an investigation into the situation in joint with the online class company because that never should have happened. They said that they did not know what had happened but were looking into the possibility of someone from the school sharing the password and link. They said there would be serious consequences for anyone involved. A friend texted me after saying that she was scared. She has serious anxiety issues. She hadn't been in any online classes since because she was scared. I told her it would be okay but she did not believe me.

I messaged Joseph and said that he needed to fess up. He said I would be in trouble too, because I knew about it, but I honestly don't care. Its eating me up inside! He said he's already in trouble with the school and that he would probably get expelled for a stupid thing that didn't hurt anyone. I kind of agree, it's not like they came on screen naked or anything. But still! It was dangerous and stupid. I told him either he needed to fess up or I would. I also reminded him that I have screenshots of our entire conversation so he couldn't pin it on me. He called me a dick and stopped responding.

Would I be the rear end in a top hat if I sent our teacher the screenshots? I feel so bad for everyone who was scared by this, and they're putting a lot of effort into this investigation during this already troublesome time. Would I be the rear end in a top hat if I snitched?

Edit: The friends were people he did not know, he posted the link & code online

artsy fartsy posted:

My [37M] wife [33F] is quarantining with her personal trainer [25M]


lol