Justin Godscock posted:

I honestly doubt he is cheating on her and that text was likely written by him.

Invisible Clergy posted:

Oh. How foolish of me. That obviously makes more sense. Thanks.

Care and Feeding posted:

Dear Care and Feeding,

My friends have a son, about 5 years old. They enforce little (if any) discipline on him, and he throws a hissy fit if they try to “make” him do anything. They tell him to pick up something he threw; he ignores them. Dad picks it up in a couple of minutes. They tell him to go to bed; he ignores them and keeps doing whatever he is into. My fear is that they are teaching him that he can get away with anything by ignoring the rules. Specifically, I am concerned that he will never learn that no means no, i.e., that they are raising a rapist.

Should I say anything to them? If I do, it would only be once, and I wouldn’t harp on it. They are NOT people who would be okay with this outcome, and/but I don’t want to stomp on my relationship with them either.

—Oh, Hell No

Dear OHN,

This news cycle has us all on edge, but I cannot urge you strongly enough not to say this to your friends about their generically disobedient 5-year-old son.

Cheradenine posted:

Slightly late for Hall of Fame chat but I was surprised 5 year-old rapist didn't get mentioned. It was always a favourite of mine.

Invisible Clergy posted:

quote:

On mobile, apologies.

My (42M) sister, Amy (50F) has ignored my wife, Jane (40F) for twelve years. Amy was upset we didn’t Skype when we got engaged. Amy thought as the oldest she should be the first to know. I am the baby of the family. During the wedding planning Amy got upset over the size of Jane’s ring and accused us of having an over the top wedding to “show off.” Amy eloped broke just out of college so I shrugged it off as jealousy. My wife and I both have professional degrees, married in our 30s, and Jane’s family contributed a significant amount to the wedding (her family is wealthy where mine was lower middle class). Because of this jealousy Amy‘s family (husband, 3 sons) boycotted our wedding.

Being in the military I do not see my extended family often -usually funerals and weddings. In the last 5 years we have had 7 deaths in the family. Amy has consistently ignored my wife at each funeral despite my wife doting on her children and engaging in small talk with our brother in law. Jane sends birthday and Christmas gifts, despite being Jewish, whereas Amy has never sent Jane a gift. Last Christmas Amy addressed a card to us as “Adam Smith and Family.” (Name changed for anonymity). It really upset Jane.

For Hanukkah this year we have a very specific vacation planned. It is bought and paid for and Jane already has her leave approved from the hospital. It is also a vacation she could take alone in case the military does not approve my leave due to COVID. Amy found out through our brother (M45) and has decided her family will come too so that she and Jane can bury the hatchet. Jane has said recently that after more than a decade the window for repairing this relationship has closed and in her mind Amy does not even exist anymore. Tbh I think the Christmas card was the last straw. Amy booked Christmas dates. Jane and i booked Hanukkah dates because, spoiler alert: we celebrate Hanukkah. Amy would know this is she had attended our Jewish wedding.

AITA if I do not correct her dates? We will be leaving 6 days before Amy and her family arrive and our vacations will not overlap at all.

Jane does not know about Amy’s plans but since I now have flight and hotel confirmation I can show Jane that Amy is serious about crashing our vacation. Jane has been so patient all these years and this year has been working the COVID unit at her hospital. She deserves a dream vacation free from any stress. As much as I love and tolerate my sister, Amy just was not invited. I do feel bad because for the five of them to join us during the holidays is costing them nearly $10,000. My brother thinks it is hilarious and Amy deserves to be punked, but there’s a part of me that feels bad. I think I’ll feel worse if Amy finds out the real dates and ruins Jane’s time off.

TL;DR My sister is mean to my wife and is trying to join us on vacation but she booked the wrong dates and I am not going to correct her despite it costing her $10,000.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for avoiding my sister this Christmas and it costing her $10k?

Cliff posted:

Oh yeah I totally buy that she wants to bury the hatchet all of a sudden.

Dude's sister has been openly disrespectful to his wife for 12 years, it's long been time to go no-contact with her.

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

I agree. Even if the desire to bury the hatchet is real and the sister has changed, going straight to Big Family Vacation is certainly not the right way to go about it!

MAKE NO BABBYS posted:

Imagine being such a loving loser at 21.

quote:

I’ve(f23) been looking at cameras for a week now. My boyfriend (27m) has also been looking at cameras for several months but has been too hesitant to pull the trigger on a purchase. I got a job offer for a job I was really excited to get last week for a position that requires me to take photos and film videos so I thought it time to upgrade from my old DSLR.

After expressing my excitement to my boyfriend and saying I was going to try to buy a new camera, he went out and bought a new one for himself that day. I didn’t end up buying one that day because I wasn’t sure of which one I wanted, so I spent this last week searching for hours everyday on specs & whatnot that would suit my needs for this camera.

There’s a lot of options out there so I’ve been bugging my boyfriend, telling him I’m torn between this model and this model etc etc and asking for advice on how he chose his camera. I started out dreaming about a $3000 camera that was way over my budget and came down to looking at $1000 cameras.

Yesterday, I went up to him as he was making dinner and asked him his opinion on these two models. He essentially said he didn’t know and that he was annoyed I kept asking him.

Later on I asked him what was so annoying about me asking him and he essentially told me that a camera’s a big purchase and he spent months searching for a camera before he bought one and how I’d never expressed interest before in purchasing a camera. He told me I should just make up my mind on one specific camera and not go back and forth through all of these different options. He said that I didn’t know what it was like to live with a girlfriend who’s constantly changing her mind about big purchases.

He told me that his brother and himself spent a lot of time researching for cameras to buy and that their cameras were necessary for their career (they’re eventually starting up a youtube channel) while I don’t need one and my old $100 camera from 10 years ago is perfectly fine.

I told him spending several months thinking about one camera before pulling the trigger doesn’t make you more qualified than another person to buy a camera.

He eventually ended up apologizing stating he was jealous that I was going to get the camera he wanted to get and etc etc. and I told him I forgive him but it honestly just left a bad taste in my mouth.

I’m not his child. He is not allowed to dictate where I put my money, especially if it’s a purchase that betters my life. I feel as if he does not respect my thought process or my decisions. I felt as if it was an unnecessary attack at my career, and character.

But I’m just wondering if this is something that’s acceptable behaviour from your partner in a relationship? It’s hard to remain objective and I know reddit loves to suggest breaking up and throwing the whole man out but I’m not looking to do that, I’m looking for some real perspective here. I don’t know if how we communicate and what and how we argue is healthy. I have nobody to talk to. No other friends in relationships to base normalcy off of. I’d like to know what a healthier way of communicating is.

Thank you.

TLDR;

I wanted to buy a camera for work, kept asking my boyfriend for opinions of the models I showed him, he told me that it was annoying that I spent a week looking while he spent months and that he was more qualified to buy a camera because he did spent a long time searching.

Cliff posted:

I personally would love it if my SIL who has had nothing but animosity for me for over a decade showed up unannounced on my family vacation.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for avoiding my sister this Christmas and it costing her $10k?

zakharov posted:

How do these people hold grudges for so long??

Cliff posted:

Oh yeah I totally buy that she wants to bury the hatchet all of a sudden.

quote:

TL;DR I need advice on how to talk to my wife about how fake she is in public.

I(31M) have a wife (27F) of 6 years and 2 kids (2 yo girl and 5 yo boy). We have our disagreements as all couples do but today was the worst yet. I'm an introvert that can talk to people when I need to and look like a normal person while doing so and I found out today that it's driving my wife crazy.

I despise talking to people, being around them, hearing about them, or even thinking about being confronted by them. I've always been this way. I have no social media accounts (besides Reddit) and I only talk to people outside of my immediate family at work. Even then it's a soul-draining task that I need to recover from afterward. On the other hand, my wife is an extrovert. She loves talking to people and being the center of attention but she is horrible at it. Somehow people would rather talk and be around me than her and today she yelled at me for it.

I'm not quite sure how to take this on. I prefer delicately and with some compassion but I know that it's a tough thing to talk about. Especially when I need to tell her how I see things and the way she comes off as fake and bubbly around others. So if anyone has had any experience in this situation or could give some insight that I may be missing, I would greatly appreciate it. I'll take any criticism constructively so don't be shy. Thank you for your time. Enjoy your day.

Invisible Clergy posted:

This is unfortunately how bad people treat women, and I don't think she's doing anything to bring it on herself. I doubt your wife is either.

Soylent Pudding posted:

Amy was upset we didn’t Skype when we got engaged. Amy thought as the oldest she should be the first to know.

quote:

My daughter "Lily" is a wonderful, kind and accomplished HS student who came to me with a request back in September when the school year started. Her friend "Rose" is from a very very religious, almost cultish family similar to the Duggars. Women are required to dress very modestly, stay home, have a bunch of kids, defer to their men etc. Sports, music, dance, books and pants are forbidden for girls. Rose has 6 younger siblings that she cares for and does a large chunk of household work. Rose's father is even employed by said church.

Rose just found out over the summer that her parents had decided not to let her go to college - by that they meant that they would not provide a single penny of financial support, not allow her to live at home if she chose to go to college (aka disown her) and most importantly, they would never give their information for FAFSA, so Rose can get grants and loans. Of course, she would be banned from the family forever if she chose to attend college

As many of those reading this are aware, it's drat near impossible to get financial aid without FAFSA. I work in the admissions department of the largest and highest ranked state university in my state, and Lily wanted to know if I could help Rose navigate this issue and come up with other options for her to go to college. Rose, very bravely, had decided to defy her parents and risk being disowned in order to get an education. I agreed to help her and we have been meeting up twice a week (Rose made up a fake bible study group to stay back after hours, her mom just had a baby is quite distracted to even care) since then at my house.

I have grown quite fond of Rose- she is incredibly hard working and courageous with zero support from anyone. I enjoy our twice weekly meetings, when I usually make dinner for the girls as well. Rose recently confided in me that she wants to try "sinful" things because well, she is a teenage girl I guess. Here are the list of things she wants to try and how I feel about them.

• Make up - Rose wants to wear make up ( a strict no-no), especially bright lipstick. I am ok with this because most teen girls like to experiment with make up and I don't think red lipstick will make her a whore.
  
  
• Tampons - Rose is forced to use thick, bulky maxi pads by her mother because Tampons will take her virginity. Again, I am fine with this because I don't think your choice of feminine hygiene products reflect your character.
  
  
• A 2 piece bathing suit/bikini - This is a big one! We have a pool at home (too cold now) and she has seen Lily wearing and walking around in one when it was warmer. Rose wants to know how it feels to wear one (she can't swim btw - her dickwad parents don't allow ANY sports).
  
  
• Ethnic food - Our family loves Thai, Indian, Mexican and other "ethnic" meals. I used to occasionally order in when Rose was over, but she always turned down the food because she was told that these countries/cultures were "satanic" and their food would turn you evil or gay or whatever. She now wants to try and explore other food.
  
  
• Wine - This is tricky. Because I work in a college, I see first hand how kids from overly sheltered families go crazy with alcohol when they get to college. My husband and I want to avoid this with Lily, so we let her have a small amount of wine with dinner 1-2 times a month. Well, Rose wants to try alcohol (also a huge no-no) with Lily. Unfortunately, I don't want to risk giving alcohol to a minor and I plan on declining this request.
  

However, my husband is wary of allowing Rose these experiences in our home. He thinks that we are explicitly undermining Rose's parents and no matter how crazy they are, it's still their right to raise Rose how they see fit until she turns 18.

I disagree with him mainly because I am already helping her defy her parents's decisions re: college (he is ok with because she will be over 18 when she moves out. Plus, I can sense that she is depressed about not being like the other kids and it's definitely affecting her self esteem and general happiness.

tl;dr: I want to help daughter's friend experience normal teenage life, husband is not too keen on it

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

I rediscovered this one after looking for a different post.
My (46 F) daughter (16 F)'s friend (also 16 F) who is from a crazy religious family wants to try "forbidden" stuff with our family. What do?

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

I rediscovered this one after looking for a different post.
My (46 F) daughter (16 F)'s friend (also 16 F) who is from a crazy religious family wants to try "forbidden" stuff with our family. What do?

Justin Godscock posted:

I honestly doubt he is cheating on her and that text was likely written by him.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

The idea is absolutely having the SIL as a captive audience to abuse/browbeat into submission.

Alien Sex Manual posted:

I want to kick the husband’s rear end, let the poor kid eat as much Satanic gay food and wear a bikini if she wants, they’re gonna disown her either way.

quote:

I have three really good friends, Rose, Becca, and Cassie. We were friends all throughout college, ever since freshman year, and we liked partying and going out, and we definitely saw how that scene can be risky for girls sometimes. I'm sure I don't have to explain why. So we all looked out for each other a lot, if any of us said we were nervous around someone at a party or bar, or someone did something creepy, we'd all leave and not come back. And as a group we'd avoid anything any of us felt sketched out by. No pressure to "just go, it might be fun" ot anything like that. Some of the times we had really good reason to be sketched out, like someone at a party groped one of us or another girl, or worse... Or if the party hosts didn't let you mix your own drinks, they'd make you something out of view. But sometimes it was just walking into a place and getting a bad vibe that made us leave.

All any of us would have to to was say "let's get out of here" or even just point at the door and we'd all bounce, no questions asked. It definitely saved us a lot of trouble during college and after, we actually heard about bad poo poo happening at a couple of parties after we all left. We're all out of college now, and have been for a few years, but our girl code still stands.

It's becoming a little stressful because my boyfriend Alex doesn't really see it how we see it. He gets annoyed the few times he's been out with us, he's been having fun, and we decide it's time to move along. It doesn't happen often but I'll tell about the few times it did.

The first time, my boyfriend's friend was throwing a house party, and he invited me and any friends I might want. to bring, so me and my boyfriend and my friends went. And a couple hours into the party, Cassie pointed at the door and mouthed something at me that I didn't catch, and us girls went out to the porch where Cassie told us she'd known some frat guys who just came in, and they were bad news, creepy assholes. I texted my boyfriend that me and the girls were out, he was welcome to join us at the bar we were going to, or stay at the party with his friend if he wanted. Alex showed up to the bar an hour or so later, and wanted to know why we left, and we said that some frat guys we didn't want to party with showed up. He got annoyed, saying we could have stuck around, there were enough people that we didn't have to talk to them

Another time, my friends, me, Alex, and Rose's boyfriend went out barhopping and clubbing, and had fun at the first place we were at. But at the second, there was some guy who wouldn't leave Becca alone, so she decided to bail and we all followed her out. My boyfriend was arguing about it, saying "why are you leaving" again and again but not really being able to hear our answers over the music, and I finally said to him, "We talk about that outside. Don't argue that here." And we went outside to walk to another place. I told him on the walk that someone was bothering Becca so she decided to leave. And he should know that if he parties with us, if someone wants out of somewhere, you don't argue it.

The last time, Alex invited me and my friends to a party hosted by someone we all know from college. This guy was on a certian sport team that we all heard rumors about in college. Rumors that said you really shouldn't party with that team. And even though we're all out of college, we figured that party might be a similar scene, and decided against going. I told my boyfriend why, and he thought it was ridiculous, that we were skipping out on something because of rumors... That weren't even specifically about the host, but just the organization he was a part of years ago.

After that, I decided to have a serious talk with Alex. Saying that he might not understand all of our decisions, because he's not had to worry about the same stuff we have. But he should know that the way we handle partying has saved us a lot of trouble over the years. And it's kept stuff fun for us, we don't grin through parties that we're not comfortable at, we get out and go have actual fun.

He said that on the other hand, it's rude to go out somewhere with your boyfriend then unilaterally decide to bail and go elsewhere. And also in his opinion, some of the people or groups we left because of were good guys. He thought it was bad communication to just have a "leave with no questions asked" policy when ever anyone so much as points at the door. And not communicate why until everyone had already left.

I felt like in that conversation, we were both getting defensive. Me of the way my friends and I make decisions about where to party, him about how trustworthy his friends and the crowds they hang with are.

I want some advice on how to keep this from being an issue going forwards. It hasn't been too frequent in the past, we go out every other weekend at least and it's only come up 3 times. But every time it does come up, it stresses me out.

tldr - my friends and I will bail on a party if any of us has a bad feeling about it, or doesn't feel safe. No questions asked. It annoys my boyfriend, which in turn frustrates me.

LadyPictureShow posted:

My(23f) Boyfriend(27m) gatekeeping who gets to purchase cameras in the relationship, is this normal?

Invisible Clergy posted:

This is unfortunately how bad people treat women, and I don't think she's doing anything to bring it on herself. I doubt your wife is either.

AITA for throwing a couple out of the bakery I work at for having a cake war?

LadyPictureShow posted:

My(23f) Boyfriend(27m) gatekeeping who gets to purchase cameras in the relationship, is this normal?

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

My friends and I (23f) will bail on parties if anyone in the group is uncomfortable. No questions asked. My boyfriend (25m) gets irritated every time.

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

My friends and I (23f) will bail on parties if anyone in the group is uncomfortable. No questions asked. My boyfriend (25m) gets irritated every time.

DeadMansSuspenders posted:

I rediscovered this one after looking for a different post.
My (46 F) daughter (16 F)'s friend (also 16 F) who is from a crazy religious family wants to try "forbidden" stuff with our family. What do?

Literally A Person posted:

My boyfriend really wants me and my friends to be sexually assaulted, is this normal?

quote:

My fiance and I are planning to marry this December. It is going to be a small and intimate affair with only friends and family being invited. My parents insisted that we have huge wedding and also insisted that they pay for it "because it's traditional". However both my fiance and I believe that big weddings are a waste of time and money and we also don't feel comfortable letting someone else pay for it. So we're going ahead with the small wedding. My parents were upset about this but begrudgingly accepted it.

I've always hated the idea of a woman being "given away" by her father at her wedding, as if she's a piece of property. I'm not an extension of my father. When I let my dad know that I was going to walk down the aisle by myself to marry the man I love, he was enraged. He said that I was their only daughter and I was robbing him of his moment. I calmly told him it wasn't about him and he needed to stop being selfish. My fiance backed me up and let my dad know that he doesn't get to walk me down the aisle without my enthusiastic consent.

My dad and mom refused to see reason and told me he and said if I refused to follow tradition they would not come to my wedding. I told them it was up to them. We would like it if they would come but I was not going to compromise on my beliefs to satisfy my dad's ego. They left in a huff.

Now I've got other family members calling me and telling me I'm heartless. My 2 brothers have been wonderfully supportive, but my parents are making me out to be some kind of monster.

What do you guys think? Am I the rear end in a top hat?

Soylent Pudding posted:

Unfortunately yes.

AITA for not wanting to be walked down the aisle at my wedding?

quote:

When I first got divorced I assumed my, idk, “value” went up because I have more confidence and money now (well minus child support and alimony but strangers don’t know that) but I was not expecting this!

I created an Instagram and tinder account. Without even reaching out to anyone on Instagram, I got multiple “friend requests” from girls so gorgeous, I have never even seen one irl as pretty, all around 22 or so. I was expecting to date more in the 30 age range but hey why not. I noticed if I reached out just to say hi they immediately jumped into calling me “baby” and talking about sending sexy photos and videos. Honestly I’m a romantic and this is too much.

Same thing on tinder. A good amount of the girls I match with are supermodel gorgeous and move WAY too fast. Same deal with trying to video chat right away, telling me they love me. I’m not a male model or anything and none of them even know about my landscaping business.

Is this just how dating is now? Why are young women so desperate? To be honest it’s a bit of a turn off.

LadyPictureShow posted:

Since divorcing my [48M] wife [49F] I’m being inundated with offers from gorgeous young women. What’s going on?

LadyPictureShow posted:

Since divorcing my [48M] wife [49F] I’m being inundated with offers from gorgeous young women. What’s going on?

LadyPictureShow posted:

Since divorcing my [48M] wife [49F] I’m being inundated with offers from gorgeous young women. What’s going on?