r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for telling my wife that if she doesn't want me in the delivery room she can find someone else to drive her to the hospital?

quote:

I can add more information if people need or want it, but I'll try to only include what I think is relevant.

My wife is pregnant and has told me that she wants her sister in the delivery room. She is only allowed one person, so this means I'm out and won't be with her when she gives birth to our baby. It would be an understatement to say that I was disappointed, crushed, hurt, etc. when she told me this is what she was thinking. I had been excited about being there with her and experiencing that moment ever since she told me she was pregnant - really even since we started trying to get pregnant. I just always assumed she would want me there. Note the distinction here between me expecting to be there versus expecting her to want me there. I am pointing this out because what's worse than the disappointment is her rejecting me and basically telling me that she feels like someone else could give her better support while giving birth. That's really made me feel like a POS and worthless husband and father.

I've tried not to take it to heart or personally, but I don't know how else to take that kind of rejection. It doesn't help that she's really given no reason for why she feels like her sister would do a better job of supporting her. I know that her sister has had kids herself, but when I asked my wife if that was part of it she said not really. I then asked her if I had done something wrong or failed in some way or if she was upset with me, and she said it wasn't anything I'd done and she wasn't trying to punish me. She just felt like it would be better to have her sister there. I've asked for clarifications and that's as specific as she gets. It doesn't seem like she has a real list of reasons why her sister was chosen. It's just a feeling. Either that or she is lying to me and won't give me the real reason.

I had hoped she'd change her mind, but she's now confirmed this is how it will be. All of the things I've written about led me to tell her that if she really feels that way then I think it'd be better if her sister or someone else drove her to the hospital. Otherwise I'm just her taxi driver.

Once she realized that I was serious she lost it and told me I was acting like a child and pouting. I can accept that it's her choice, but if she doesn't want my support in the delivery room then why would she want it on the way to the hospital or at any other time? That's illogical, so there's no point in me doing that either.

She decided to go stay with her family for a few days and since she has I am being constantly bombarded by both sides of the family and friends of ours telling me to let this go and stop being an rear end in a top hat. I know they are trying to help, but I don't think they understand the situation and just want it resolved so they can all feel better. Just looking to confirm if I am as bad as they think I am.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:03

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# ? May 7, 2024 21:02

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

maybe your wife doesn't want you in the delivery room because you're a giant vindictive baby clearly looking for something to loving cry about.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:06

Bony-Eared Assfish: Oct 4, 2018

Organic Lube User posted:

YTA and also I hope you eat a soup can when you try to cross your next picket line, scab.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Dude, hate the practice of scabbing, not the individual. Have you ever even been on a picket line?

I have and if I saw someone chucking a a metal can at some lady with three kids, who's just trying to survive, there would be repercussions.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:09

xtal: Jan 9, 2011; by Fluffdaddy

Removed derail

xtal fucked around with this message at 16:14 on Nov 10, 2020

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:11

The Bramble: Mar 16, 2004

Hey I know I just got you fired and you have no idea what you're going to do to support your kid and maintain your quality of life, but don't you think I'm the best?? Aunty aren't I awesome? Aunty aren't people so lucky to have me in their lives defending their rights, Aunty? Hey Aunty don't you agree I'm the best?? Why aren't you responding and agreeing with me?!? DAAAAAAAAAAAAAD YOUR SISTER IS BEING A BITCH TO ME!!

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:11

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

I hope the local Ironworkers 318 goes back to their strong union jobs soon, and stop making GBS threads up this thread.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:12

necroid: May 14, 2009

ilmucche posted:

r/relationships: my MIL tried to kill my allergic child saying she was a "picky eater"

lol nice try but you're trying to make me say something I didn't say, let me clarify

I despise people who insist that they can eat only pizza, mac & cheese and nuggets, or people who won't try vegetables/some specific thing at all, not even once

I despise them even more if they're adults

how the gently caress can I despise someone with documented allergies or intolerances? one of my exes was celiac and I changed my diet without hesitation to be able to eat with her, it didn't even register as a sacrifice in my mind

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:17

Inexplicable Humblebrag: Sep 20, 2003

GORDON posted:

I hope the local Ironworkers 318 goes back to their strong union jobs soon, and stop making GBS threads up this thread.

lol at the idea of "making GBS threads up" a reddit repost thread

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:22

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

necroid posted:

lol nice try but you're trying to make me say something I didn't say, let me clarify

I despise people who insist that they can eat only pizza, mac & cheese and nuggets, or people who won't try vegetables/some specific thing at all, not even once

I despise them even more if they're adults

how the gently caress can I despise someone with documented allergies or intolerances? one of my exes was celiac and I changed my diet without hesitation to be able to eat with her, it didn't even register as a sacrifice in my mind

Nah it was meant as a joke, not as an actual shot at you. I'm with you on "give it a try"

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:23

Pirate Radar: Apr 18, 2008; You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!

xtal posted:

This is a BS probe, mod should take it over

Mods don�t know anything about soup. They�re useless in the soup arena.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:24

xtal: Jan 9, 2011; by Fluffdaddy

This soup is for my family

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:25

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

xtal posted:

This soup is for my family

Bags and bags of soup

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:27

necroid: May 14, 2009

ilmucche posted:

Nah it was meant as a joke, not as an actual shot at you. I'm with you on "give it a try"

oh ok

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:28

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for getting a single mom fired?

quote:

Repost because apparently I did the title wrong.

So, I'm afraid I really messed up. Throwaway so this doesn't accidentally get to her since she follows me on Reddit.

I work in in-home healthcare. Basically, I go into people's homes and take care of either elderly people, or people with disabilities. I have 3 regular clients, and work a full week. It's super important to note that I am not a nurse. I am a Personal Care Assistant or PCA. It's nursing adjacent, but we can't give prescription medications without licensing (I have that licensing), we can't take blood pressure even with an automatic cuff, we can't cut nails... a whole bunch of things are off the list because, and I say this again as major emphasis, we are not nurses*.* But we also get paid less than nurses, which makes the care more affordable for families and it means more people can have access to care.

One of my clients has some memory care issues. This means we need absolute consistency in this person's carers. I have two evenings a week, their family works afternoons, and I had a coworker on early mornings. I can't give the details why without violating HIPPA but she needs to be there by 7:30am, no exceptions. She agreed to this when she was hired.

The problem became that I'd get panicked phone calls from the family. They had appointments, school, work... and my coworker hadn't shown up, and this client cannot be left alone. She'd saunter in at 9:30, when I'd have been there for an hour and a half by then. Then I'd have to run out because I only had half an hour to get to my next client at 10, and I still had to sterilize my bag.

Even worse, she did no charting (charting is recording information about what you did and how your day went). On the one rare occasion she showed up on time, she didn't log a major injury that happened. I came to find out about it that night, and my client had been suffering in pain with it all day. I also found out from the family that she'd also been taking blood pressure, pulse, and doing a lot of other things nurses do, but not writing it down because that would record that she's doing nurse things without actually being a nurse.

I spoke to my boss. Apparently she'd been hired after leaving a very high end care facility nearby. She said she'd left for more flexible hours for her young child.

Here's where I might be the AH. I told my boss everything I'd learned. She was fired, and the charting incidents were registered with the state. Turns out, she'd just started school to become a CNA, and she may never be able to get a job in the industry again.

She has a kid. I'm worried about this kid. And even though I'm also pissed at her, I'm worried about her too. I don't want her to have to enter a different industry.

AITA?

Edit: Thanks, guys. I'm going to bed since I'm training her replacement tomorrow. But you're right. While empathy is supposedly a feature and not a bug, sometimes it makes you worry about people you shouldn't be worrying about, along with the people you already worry about, even when those are mutually exclusive.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:29

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for telling my wife that if she doesn't want me in the delivery room she can find someone else to drive her to the hospital?

This is going to be a really successful relationship that produces happy children who don't hate their parents.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:30

JonathonSpectre: Jul 23, 2003; I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck; Soiled Meat

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for getting a single mom fired?

Sounds like single mom got herself fired.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:33

Sanford: Jun 30, 2007; ...and rarely post!

ikanreed posted:

This is going to be a really successful relationship that produces happy children who don't hate their parents.

Can't say I agree with his reaction but I understand why he's pissed off. What's the correct response in that scenario?

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:34

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

aita for accepting my bet winnings even at the supposed 'cost of my younger nieces/nephews future'?

quote:

okay so. i don't gamble. i honestly dont enjoy it. feels like i'm wasting money and even those who 'win' usually only win back a fraction of what they lose. and the chances of winning BIG are slim to none. BUT my family are all gamblers. not like casinos or anything, but scratch offs/lottery type gambling. but there's no lottery/scratch offs in our state. so they go to the closest one that allows it and buy tickets and stuff every month.

well the last time my parents were on the fam zoom call talking about who wanted what (one person goes outta state to buy everyones stuff to save on gas) they asked me when i was gonna get something and i said never. i dont gamble, they know this. they said i was boring and should 'try my luck'. i said i didn't wanna waste money on a bogus scratch offs so dad suggested we make a bet...

i'll buy ONE (1) scratch off and if i lose they'll stop pestering me to join their gambling and also give me their scratch off tickets to 'make up for my lost money' (if theirs are all duds then i guess we're still even i guess??) BUT if i win then i have to lay off the 'gambling is foolish' stuff (i only bring it up when they pressure me into buying but ok). i gave in and gave my parents money for one scratch off for me.

well later everyone is over to grab their tickets (no masks either yay) and they watched me scratch my ticket and.... whatcha know? NO WINNER. they groaned and said whatever and i was gonna get back on my phone when they each gave me their scratch offs. i tried giving them back saying i didn't want them but they said i won so they're mine. sister said they were probably all losers anyways since they're from the same batch? i took them and everyone got into filling out their lottery tickets and i sat on the couch scratching off the tickets and most were duds, one got me $10 so cool.

But then i fuckin won. big. like..i won one of the HUGE prizes and i numbly showed my mom and she flipped, she was so excited. but my BIL and sister weren't and made a huge fuss and demanded the ticket back and i said no, it was mine. they said they actually need that money because they wanted to start a family and i'm not even dating anyone and i still said no. BIL tried to take it and dad kicked him out.

this ticket is driving everyone insane and my sister sorta got threatening and i locked myself in my room and i'm low key kinda scared. BIL said i'm a bitch and i was condemning my future niece or nephew to a harder life than need be since that money could be used to start a college fund. i wont leave my room and i'm worried i'm being greedy i mean they did insist i keep the tickets but like i didn't buy it and didn't even want it but this money could kickstart my life so i can go to school for a career now. i'm lost y'all. aita?

edit real fast- to those saying i should split it; I TRIED. i tried to suggest we just split it but they got really hostile and demanded the entire ticket back. it got aggressive to the point that my parents had to kick them both out. i tried talking to my sister on the phone later (hoping they'd both cooled off) and suggested we split it to be fair. and she screamed at me for 'doing this to her family' and called me a lot of hateful stuff and even brought up how i was a loser who didn't deserve the money because i dropped out of high school (i had a mental breakdown and had to be put in the hospital..). so i hung up on her and haven't spoken to her again yet.

another edit- i just started getting calls (three in the span of 5 minutes) from relatives and people i haven't spoken to in ages asking to borrow money. so they know about the ticket even though i've told no one. checked facebook and sister has posted about the ticket. idk what to do.

last edit- one of my sketchy cousins i haven't spoken to since i was in middle school showed up at our front door asking to speak to me. mom thought on the fly and told him that i packed up last night and got an uber to the airport to go live with a friend out of state. this whole thing is getting out of hand so parents convinced me to go stay at my grandparents old ranch house (dad is in the process of trying to sell it but he's put that on hold for now) which is about 2 hours away.

i'm taking everyones advice and cashing the ticket asap and deleting my social media for a while. gonna get a financial advisor and make sure i'm safe. i'm not giving sis/BIL a penny because of how vile they've been to me. bye everyone. thanks for the advice/help. peace <3

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:35

Tarkus: Aug 27, 2000

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for getting a single mom fired?

You know what, doing care work is a tough loving job and not everyone is cut out to do it. OP did the woman a favor in the long term.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:37

ikanreed: Sep 25, 2009; I honestly I have no idea who cannibal[SIC] is and I do not know why I should know.

syq dude, just syq!

Sanford posted:

Can't say I agree with his reaction but I understand why he's pissed off. What's the correct response in that scenario?

Neither of these people ever having kids?

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:37

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

aita for accepting my bet winnings even at the supposed 'cost of my younger nieces/nephews future'?

God is telling these people to stop gambling.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:39

ilmucche: Mar 16, 2016

You'd think gamblers expecting to lose would be able to handle losing better than that

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:41

Sanford: Jun 30, 2007; ...and rarely post!

ikanreed posted:

Neither of these people ever having kids?

Hah the correct answer to so many of these problems

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:41

FilthyImp: Sep 30, 2002; Anime Deviant

GORDON posted:

God is telling these people to stop gambling.

Also to mind their own business and stop hounding people lol.

SneezeOfTheDecade posted:

"Okay, I get it.

There's nothing to get because she never gives an explanation? He's blowing things up but it's hard to be calm in a situation like that without justification.

Even if it's "I don't want you to see me like that" or whatever.

Maybe he's a huge stressful dweeb or something aside from her afraid she'll poo poo herself while birthing?

FilthyImp fucked around with this message at 17:12 on Nov 10, 2020

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:42

SneezeOfTheDecade: Feb 6, 2011; gettin' covid all
over your posts

Sanford posted:

Can't say I agree with his reaction but I understand why he's pissed off. What's the correct response in that scenario?

"Okay, I get it. I'll be waiting outside the delivery room. Please have your sister make sure that I'm the first person the doctors tell when everything's done, so that I can come in and greet you and my new child as soon as possible. And if your sister could bring a camera so I can at least experience the birth secondhand, that would be great, but I understand if you're not comfortable with that."

# ? Nov 10, 2020 16:50

Farg: Nov 19, 2013

I think it's reasonable to want an explanation as to why your presence is not wanted at the birth of your child

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:17

Sanford: Jun 30, 2007; ...and rarely post!

SneezeOfTheDecade posted:

"Okay, I get it. I'll be waiting outside the delivery room. Please have your sister make sure that I'm the first person the doctors tell when everything's done, so that I can come in and greet you and my new child as soon as possible. And if your sister could bring a camera so I can at least experience the birth secondhand, that would be great, but I understand if you're not comfortable with that."

Yeah I kind of meant a response that would ever be said by an actual human though.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:20

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for being mad at my roommate for having sex in our living room?

quote:

So I moved in with a guy in a new appt around 2 months ago and we're both the same age, both gay. We get along really well and have established a somewhat nice friendship. We're not each others type so don't have any of the weird sexual energy between us thankfully - I am happily single and he had a bf and is in an open relationship.

When we first moved in he told me that he would have guys over from Grindr and I, as a sex positive person, said that is fine and that I don't have any issues with it. I did explain tho that I don't use Grindr and don't hookup with guys unless it's my bf/fwb.

Whenever his bf comes around I always go to my room, play my music really loudly so that they can have as much privacy as possible. I do the same whenever he brings hookups back - which is sometimes 10x/week but he usually takes them straight to his room or they come and chat in the communal living room and then go to his room. I don't mind chatting to the guys and again I will play music really loudly or turn the TV on full volume so that I don't overhear anything and they don't feel like they have to be really quiet.

I have always been uncomfortable with strangers in my living spaces - whether hookups or not, but I have never said anything to my roommate as I feel I have no right to tell him who he can bring back to his own room. In fact I have gone through all my single gay friends who I think he is compatible with and try and set them up as he's a decent guy.

So tonight I literally left the appt for LITERALLY 10 mins, and he was home alone. I went to store to buy water and then came straight back - I always listen to music on my airpods which are usually pretty loud - I came back into the front door that was unlocked and the hallway is v short and leads into the living room. As I walked into the living my roommate pushed me out and it was clear he was fully naked and having sex with some random Grindr gay in the living room. Luckily I didn't see anything and I waited outside the appt door for them to move into his bedroom. But now I feel really uncomfortable and have needed to pee for 2 hours but don't want to leave my room. The more I think about it the angrier I get but I am not sure if this is justified or whether I am being a prudish rear end in a top hat and should just let him have sex in the living room without giving me some sort of warning.

This is my first post on here so not sure how this works but any advice would be welcome

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:24

GORDON: Jan 1, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for being mad at my roommate for having sex in our living room?

Need a reminder conversation about boundaries.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:27

Motherfucker: Jul 16, 2011; I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.

Bony-Eared Assfish posted:

Dude, hate the practice of scabbing, not the individual. Have you ever even been on a picket line?

I have and if I saw someone chucking a a metal can at some lady with three kids, who's just trying to survive, there would be repercussions.

Hmm. Hmm. *throws can at you*

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:31

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

defensive keyboard warriors are always funny

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:33

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Sanford posted:

Yeah I kind of meant a response that would ever be said by an actual human though.

�Okay.�

And, y�know, maybe talking things through instead of throwing a tantrum over the conversation that�s only gone on in your head, but that�s more general advice.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:33

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Farg posted:

I think it's reasonable to want an explanation as to why your presence is not wanted at the birth of your child

Consider his response to her not wanting him there "gently caress you, I'm not driving you to hospital"

This is not a person I would want near me during the most painful and vulnerable moments of my life.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:42

Kuros: Sep 13, 2010; Oh look, the consequences of my prior actions are finally catching up to me.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for being mad at my roommate for having sex in our living room?

NTA

Having sex in communal living spaces is lovely unless the people having said sex are the only people living there.

Your roommate loving randos on the couch = bad
You loving your roommate on the couch = okay

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:48

hopeandjoy: Nov 28, 2014

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Consider his response to her not wanting him there "gently caress you, I'm not driving you to hospital"

This is not a person I would want near me during the most painful and vulnerable moments of my life.

Yeah pretty much.

If it wasn�t covid times so you didn�t have to decide between your sister and husband I also might be more sympathetic to him, but I suspect the reason why she doesn�t want him as his only person there is the fact he�s the type of person who has this reaction.

One of those posts where if the other person also posted on Reddit, it would probably be a very different story. (Or at least explain the first story.)

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:49

Orange DeviI: Nov 9, 2011; by Hand Knit

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

Backlash from posting on social media does a lot more than "filing a complaint with the department of labor" will.

Yeah, it gets people fired and soon after evicted while giving the company all the time in the world to fudge or expunge the records. Ask a lawyer if you want to be told it's a dumb idea a second time

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:49

KYOON GRIFFEY JR: Apr 12, 2010; Runner-up, TRP Sack Race 2021/22

As a male I would be pretty displeased to not be present at the birth of my child.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:50

A Moose: Oct 22, 2009

really when you think about it, all labor laws should be voluntary or opt in. You never know, people might need that $5 an hour more than they need, for example, all the fingers on one hand. Also if my 12 year old is willing to work, he should be able to, we got bills to pay dammit! these JOB KILLING ANTI FAMILY regulations are just communism and

assuming the story isn't super fake r/conservative trolling (it definitely is)

A Moose fucked around with this message at 17:56 on Nov 10, 2020

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:50

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

just link your instas

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:51

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# ? May 7, 2024 21:02

big dyke energy: Jul 29, 2006; Football? Yaaaay

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for getting a single mom fired?

Like 80% of a PCA job is just loving showing up on time and being there and if she can't do that she can go right to hell.

# ? Nov 10, 2020 17:54

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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