H.H posted:

Since This thread has been generating new replies lately, and there is certainly a demand for more confessions, let's give it another try.

Send your confessions to saanonconfessions@gmail.com and I'll post them here. As always, I will abstain from posting outright illegal poo poo, but things that are funny, even if I suspect they are untrue, will be posted for your enjoyment.

Let's get this show on the road!

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i have a PhD in my field and I'm married to someone smarter than me but I honestly don't feel like a smart person. There are people doing research who I believe are truly gifted, with a passion for advancing current theories, but honestly most of time I'm just phoning it in. I don't stay up late puzzling over my work, in fact, it's just that to me: work. There are some people out there in the field who are doing work and asking "big questions", trying to change the world. Maybe they are just swinging at windmills, but sometimes I wish I had their ambition. To me, this was just a career move. In all honesty, the real reason I've pursued this career path is because I've never left the comforts of academia and I haven't actually had an honest days work in my life. My hands are incredibly soft. I am terrified that I couldn't make it in the real world so I've stayed in academia and I've done well but I know it's all just an intricate facade. what really triggers me is seeing some undeserving prick enjoying their stupid life more than me. Since I've been posting here one poster makes me want to die. This stupid piece of poo poo is a mentally ill poor ugly Mexican. I didn't think I was racist before but now I can't help but hate every smelly brown fucker with sexy hair I see buying Walmart brand chips. Stupid fuckingg human being smile I even dream about him. I dreamt about kissing him and I'm not even gay I hate this fucker so much I really really hate him. He thinks he is smarter than me but he's not. He's not smarter than me. He isn't

SLICK GOKU BABY posted:

Ok, I sent in a confession... not sure if it's anonymous now though

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I'm gay

satanic splash-back posted:

Here's an open secret: These threads are stupid trash for stupid trash people, who believe stdh.txt.

social vegan posted:

i am pop sensation lou bega and i crank my stubby hog to the gbs internet forums on the reg

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i have a PhD in my field and I'm married to someone smarter than me but I honestly don't feel like a smart person. There are people doing research who I believe are truly gifted, with a passion for advancing current theories, but honestly most of time I'm just phoning it in. I don't stay up late puzzling over my work, in fact, it's just that to me: work. There are some people out there in the field who are doing work and asking "big questions", trying to change the world. Maybe they are just swinging at windmills, but sometimes I wish I had their ambition. To me, this was just a career move. In all honesty, the real reason I've pursued this career path is because I've never left the comforts of academia and I haven't actually had an honest days work in my life. My hands are incredibly soft. I am terrified that I couldn't make it in the real world so I've stayed in academia and I've done well but I know it's all just an intricate facade. what really triggers me is seeing some undeserving prick enjoying their stupid life more than me. Since I've been posting here one poster makes me want to die. This stupid piece of poo poo is a mentally ill poor ugly Mexican. I didn't think I was racist before but now I can't help but hate every smelly brown fucker with sexy hair I see buying Walmart brand chips. Stupid fuckingg human being smile I even dream about him. I dreamt about kissing him and I'm not even gay I hate this fucker so much I really really hate him. He thinks he is smarter than me but he's not. He's not smarter than me. He isn't

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I really wish my wife would die. She has been battling terminal cancer for 3 years now, and her body is finally shutting down after nine months of torture.

I'd like to move after she passes. I have income for life of about $1970 a month. I could live a comfortable expat widowhood in a Baltic stage...

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I worked in West Africa for the WHO on the Ebola outbreak. After returning, I was extremely angry over the situation down there (essentially the only important thing while working for the WHO on the outbreak is to improve your own career, nothing else is important) and this led to trouble sleeping, anxiety, and depression.

I've had arguments with the WHO psychologists that their 15 minute phone debrief at the end of a trip is not sufficient, and that I would like real help, but they just ignore my emails. I went and saw a psychologist on my own, and the WHO now refuses to reimburse me for my psychologist's visits. Because I was just a contractor, my "health insurance" via the WHO expires 30 days after my contract ends. My contract ended the day I left West Africa. So essentially, you spend 7 days/week working under a great deal of pressure in terrible working conditions, you come home, exhausted angry and upset, spend a few weeks in this state, finding it hard to sleep, and then you realise that there might be a problem. Oops it's already been 30 days, no mental health treatment for you. Or even if it's only been 2 weeks, congratulations, you now have 16 days to find a psychologist, get scheduled for an appointment, and get cured. Because god knows that stress, anxiety, depression, and trauma are cured within 16 days.

Basically, the WHO hires contractors to do the risky, stressful, and traumatic work, the contractors get mental health issues from it, and the WHO washes its hands of the entire ordeal. "Not our problem, it's been more than 30 days."

It is ridiculous that the World Health Organization does not give two fucks about the mental health of their employees. If the WHO can't support mental health within its own walls, why should anyone else? It's the epitome of "do as I say, not as I do". Although hypocrisy from the WHO shouldn't surprise anyone. They didn't care about the Ebola outbreak until it started to threaten rich countries (and people started to comment on how incompetent they were).

It's just made even worse by the wanton spending I saw in West Africa. For the "important" WHO people, no expensive is too much. Don't want to take a 30 minute boat ride from the airport (costing $40)? Take a helicopter (cost ~$2000 probably). Don't want to drive three hours north on well paved roads (made by the Chinese 2 years ago)? That's ok, take a helicopter (one guy on my team estimated the cost for that round trip to be around ~$10000-$15000). Don't want to stay in the normal hotel (costing $100/night)? That's ok, stay in the Raddison Blu (costing $200+/night), it has a nice pool and Sunday buffet, you deserve it. Take your mind off the people dying of Ebola in the slums just outside your 10 foot walls with razor wire and crushed glass on the top. Oh, and if you stay at the Raddison Blu, your per diem gets increased to cover the "increased cost of living". What. The. gently caress. But obviously they can't spare any money for a psychologist for their ex-staff who are having troubles.

What else happened while I was over there. Doctors without borders recommends 10 days training before using PPE (the hazmat suits). The WHO "trained" the Sierra Leoneans (who were illiterate) by giving them 300+ slide powerpoints (WHO should be renamed to US ARMY), and then letting them try the PPE once (twice if they were lucky) and then sending them into ebola treatment units to clean up ebola rich vomit, blood, diarrhea, dead bodies, etc. Obviously most of them died due to catching ebola. Then the whole world wonders "how did so many people wearing PPE die????" answer: The WHO didn't train them to do poo poo. This was great for the WHO for two reasons.

Option 1: Don't train people, send them in as quickly as possible.
Pros:
- WHO is seen as doing something (look at how quickly they have people in PPE!!!)
- More people die (poo poo, ebola is really hard to contain, it's understandable that they are doing a poo poo job, because it's just *sooooo* difficult)

Cons:
- Poor illiterate africans die (no one gives a gently caress)

Option 2: Train people properly
Pros:
- Less illiterate poor africans die (so?)

Cons:
- Takes longer time
- Less people die (ebola isn't that hard to contain if you have competent people doing something. Why is the WHO loving up so much???)

You can see why they chose option 1.

Other exciting things: while we weren't encouraged to not report ebola cases, we were definitely discouraged to report ebola cases. If you found a (previously undiscovered) village that had a bunch of ebola and half of the village was already dead from ebola, this was A BAD THING!!!! A novice to the WHO would think that it was a good thing, as we could now isolate the village and stop ebola from spreading. WRONG!!!! This is bad because now the reported numbers are going up. You've failed at your job, maybe we should threaten to replace you??? If you were good the numbers would be going down! It doesn't matter that the ebola would still be there, unreported. If it's not reported it hasn't happened!

Speaking of which, I think that the terrible collection of the number of ebola cases was on purpose. The UNMEER data manager in my district was previously a field social mobilizer with zero IT experience. He applied for the data manager position because "computers are the future and after this I'd like to get a masters in IT, so I thought this would be a great place to learn more about computers". He didn't know how to open a .csv file in excel. This is the person recording how many ebola cases are in each district. Suggestions to recruit more competent IT/data people resulted in a person's contract being ended early (the person who suggested it got kicked out, the incompetent people are still plugging away at their computers in Sierra Leone).

The Freetown WHO data team reported that two districts didn't have any ebola for a week or so. This was false, they just forgot to add in the data for those two districts in the report. Ooooops!!!!

To put this more in perspective:
- In the field (actively collecting data) you had the above aforementioned idiot
- In Freetown (creating national reports) there was 1 competent person
- In Genera (creating the international reports) there were 50+ people creating a weekly report. They even brought over a 10+ person GIS team from California to make *beautiful* interactive maps for the weekly report. None of this was useful on the ground level, as they were operating at the district (i.e. state) level, when the field needed information at the village level. But it was more important to hire a lot of people to produce these beautiful weekly WHO Geneva reports than it was to send anyone out to the field. Because who gives a gently caress, as long as the reports look nice and professional.

Oh and the entire outbreak database (containing identifiable information on the cases and relatives and contact information) was shared freely on public dropbox links, totally unencrypted. Who gives a gently caress, right? They're only illiterate africans. It's not like they could read the data even if they wanted to!!

There's a lot more I could say, but I doubt anyone would read it or care. Anyway, gently caress the WHO. The WHO leadership should be charged with 10,000+ counts of manslaughter. But they obviously won't be.

H.H posted:

Wall of text

H.H posted:

H.H posted:

avatarinwin posted:

My cousin worked for the WHO and I've heard the complete opposite...

I heard nothing but praise from him about how they would give out hundreds of vaccinations a week to children in South Africa.

edit: He also stopped working for them mid 2011, so that was before the ebola outbreak.

avatarinwin posted:

My cousin worked for the WHO and I've heard the complete opposite...

I heard nothing but praise from him about how they would give out hundreds of vaccinations a week to children in South Africa.

edit: He also stopped working for them mid 2011, so that was before the ebola outbreak.

Wedemeyer posted:

Op, wasnt there an issue with using thst anon mail servicenot actually being anonymous? Like it showed originating ip addresses ir smt I forget.

H.H posted:

There's a lot more I could say, but I doubt anyone would read it or care

Wedemeyer posted:

Op, wasnt there an issue with using thst anon mail servicenot actually being anonymous? Like it showed originating ip addresses ir smt I forget.

satanic splash-back posted:

Here's an open secret: These threads are stupid trash for stupid trash people, who believe stdh.txt.

Piearesquared posted:

Holy poo poo. Like how does civilization carry on at a global level without mass chaos when the level of incompetency in the people in charge is this bad. Planes should be falling out of the sky constantly.

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i think I've confessed this before, but I've done more now. I cannot stand the sight of a monkey. Not Chimps and gorillas but the smaller ones. Something about those little faces and their little flailing hands makes me want to just wring the life out of them. I remember being young, no more than 7 or 8 and went on a school trip to the zoo. There was this little Pygmy marmoset in a cage with a mate. I suddenly was overcome with the urge to take the smaller one from out of the cage and just make it scream while the other watched. I was afraid for a long time that I was a psychopath, going to torture animals etc but no. I've, until recently, never harmed another living thing. I love my pets and my children beyond words, but monkeys fill me with a dark and vile purpose. I previously linked to the "poor baby monkey" youtube series where abused baby monkeys in foreign zoos are video taped by unsympathetic, or even like minded, people. They way they half beaten to death, starved little thing trembles is a font of sadistic pleasure. I've often fantasized about getting a little helper monkey and re-enacting the "faces of Death" scene. You know the one, not that I would eat it after mind you. I didn't come to post my ideas, but rather wanted to confess that I've actually done it. I live in Southern California, a pretty plain area but we are close to the border where things are lax. I found a man online through irc where we share our feelings on simian torture. All sorts of good lab testing videos or animal snuff and crush films. I find the majority abhorrent but the monkey stuff is top notch. We agreed to meet and he would sell me his mothers helper monkey. We would then go off and live out the fantasy. I decided to do it, told the mrs I was meeting an old friend who was coming north and were going to go out hiking. We met up and there he was in the cage. A tiny little thing. We drove out into the desert for an hour or two chatting about what we would do. To avoid making this a torture porn, suffice to say it died very slowly. We burned it's body and then had lunch in Joshua Tree. My favorite part was breaking its hands and feet and then chasing it with an electric fly swatter. My partner tried something with a youtube clip of monkey mother calls and a leash. Too cerebral for me. I came to the memory of its screams later that night as I hosed my wife. One of our better nights of sex too. Sometimes I feel guilty. It was just a dumb animal, it didn't need to suffer, but then that dark pit rises up in my throat and I remember just how much I hate those monkeys. I don't think I will do it again, killing an actual monkey, but I just wanted to confess to it and to anyone else out there who hates them as much as I do, yes it does feel as good as you think it does.

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I sent this in the other thread but I suspect he isn't reading them anymore so I'm gonna do a tl;dr instead of the essay I sent.

tl;dr: dog attacked me and pulled me off my bike on a trail, I killed it with rock/choking, lied to mom and doctor about ripped open leg, numb for a month, flashbacks, quit job, suicide attempt, got slightly better but six years later I still have the occasional flashback, don't think I did anything wrong but still feel like a murderer, haven't gotten help because I'm ashamed

not much a tl;dr but whatever

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I'm genuinely terrified of black people

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I put the screw in the tuna

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I watch porn and jerk off way too much, like for 1-2 hours a day on average. I also pretend to be a girl online and roleplay porn scenes with guys. Sometimes at work (ie i do it at work, the guys aren't at my work. i don't think)

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For the last year, I have been having an on-and-off affair with a movie star.

Not going to say who it is, except that most of you sad goony nerdlords have probably jerked off to her pictures at least once.

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I am an erotica author from the old BFC thread. My name appears in the writer credits of many children's shows. Gigs are impossible to get. Erotica puts food on the table.

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When I was stationed in Afghanistan I watched my squadmates rape a 15-year-old farm girl to death. I didn't participate but I didnt do anything to stop it. I'll never forget her screaming and the look on her mother's face when they dragged her daughter off, the last time she would see her daughter alive. I was threatened to never say anything. I'm too scared to.