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  • Locked thread
Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Epic High Five posted:

I think the book already mentioned that Ted is dead in a cave somewhere but nobody knows yet, so it's just a matter of transferring things right now

You're also lugging around a knight errant's suit of armour and his heraldic shield which you retrieved from a monster's lair. Chances are he didn't just drop that there.

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Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Update time:

Here's the rest of yesterday's page.


We'll try our luck with the ladies now we've got our wingman back (127)


Of course there's a hitch. We have the cock-eye. Turning to 340:


So that all went to hell pretty fast.

1) Do we want to fight Savage Sid or throw in the towel? He's tough but we're in good shape and have some good gear so we'll probably win. But if we win:

2)We have a lovely bartender and guards running to the scene. At least Karol got away. What is our immediate next move?

Adventure sheet:




DOWN JACKET FETISH posted:

im glad this LP has finally gone full Applewhite

There have been nearly as many dicks in this book as an Applewhite CYOA but the half-elf is too unlucky in love to enact the kinds of depravities that would let this book compete with an Applewhite original.

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jul 27, 2015 around 00:48

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

kmxexii posted:

i vote we give Savage Sid some brain salad surgery

and supposing we whip some skull on him ditch the guards at the local karnevil

The Karnevil (or something copyright-infringingly like it) is covered in Two-Fisted Fantasy 8, "Guardians of the New Clear Dawn", which is set in some weird sci-fi space travel future.

Dreggon posted:

Fight Sid, instead of paying with gold turn to the page that pays with teeth

I believe this works because our teeth count is higher than the page number

This would have worked. I forgot to mention this rule because it's fifty pages deep in the rules but I'm glad some people remember how this game works.

Amorphous Blob posted:

Hand the cockeye off to Karol. Let's see how this fucker fares against a polish giant.

Karol is basically worthless at fighting. So far he's refused to help us against the bat and you might have noticed he says something incredibly rude and nick off if you ask him to help with the Phalloknight. He doesn't want anything to do with Sidney (and adding 30 to the page number doesn't come up with anything here).

Update:

Rescan of the page we're up to:

Four votes for fighting, three for buggering off, two for trying to pass the cockeye off onto someone else, two for trying to talk our way out of a beating, two for eating the cockeye and one for romancing Sid. It was a tough call but the thread was mostly against fighting so I didn't do that.

In the interests of getting past this hurdle, we surrender which will let us do most of the above. Turning to 205:


I don't think we're welcome there any more, but whatever. We now turn to 46:


We're rapidly coming to the final pages of this adventure now. How do we deal with the guard and further our greasy scam to steal Sir Tedbald's identity?

Adventure sheet:

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Update:

46 scanned:


Most people wanted to bluff their way through (maybe firing the guard afterwards). Anyway everyone in Bilgeton is a mark so it's easy enough to get through this without a fight. Lacking the scorpions or the collective will to take out the guard, we turn to (345):


Pretty late in the day to be picking stuff up, but whatever. Let's see what we got:


An expired coupon.

Well, we have both the Signet Ring and the Sword of the Bastard Elf. so turning to 136:



Welp. It's JEFF. We didn't even have to hunt him down.

We've just about come to the end of our adventure. We've done well, but there's a loose end to tie off. What's the final move?

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2015 around 01:58

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Dr Cheeto posted:

See if Karol has anything interesting to say.

166


Not really.


Epic High Five posted:

I do enjoy that the Wizard of Warlock Tower is, by all appearances, a Necromancer. Possibly Aggie at that

That's the Warlock of Wizard Tower, get it right (it might be Aggie though, not sure)


Al Borland posted:

This, but make him eat rotting food and rancid things for the rest of his life in the public stocks for befouling us and calling us his son.


E:

I hope we can get our hands on one of the other books by this guy. They are clearly top notch goon collectables.

ALso... that's a lot of blood there OP. I'm gettin a bit worried.

We're fresh out of rotting things for once, we'd need to harvest more. I think I'll be ok. Got a trip to the doc today, will let you know how it goes when I update.


Jenkem Delivery posted:

Also as an epilogue can we check out the dairy?

I'll see what I can do but you should get your own copy if you want to play through on your own, jeez. All the loose ends should be wrapped up though - we are heading to the main ending here.

I don't want to spoil the ending so I don't want to comment on the choices, but the suggestions made here come down to :

Kill Jeff

Lock him up in our private dungeon (or cellar or cage or whatever it is)

Get him busted for all the crimes we expertly pinned on him

Set him up in a nice house someplace and make sure mom is taken care of

I'll check back later and get the update together.

Epic High Five posted:

Look guys, we made out like thieves and have experienced a lot over the last couple days. We lost our virginity technically and then for reals, we ate rotting flesh, we escaped dangerous situations is such a shameful way that nobody would believe anybody who brought up the truth, we ate a meter long testicle and grew an instant beard. We murdered a lot of stuff and robbed and stole. We did good despite ourselves in murdering the poo poo out of a bunch of elves and pixies. We slew a creature from the hell dimensions. .... We are, after all, miserable and pathetic man-children to the core.

The best possible synopsis of this book.

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jul 29, 2015 around 13:38

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Well I believe we have our choice! Update ASAP, just finishing up a few things after a disastrous visit to the hospital.

Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Final update

The scanner died completely as soon as the last page of this update was scanned. It did its job. God speed, gentle consumer electronic.



CheeseThief posted:

Bring mum and Jeff to the estate, keep them in luxury. Constantly berate Jeff as a lay about do nothing with no job and secretly use your connections to thwart his every attempt to be his own man.

Surprisingly we go for 365! I thought you'd just kill him.




poor life choice posted:

Lol if you think a lazy poo poo like Jeff will ever try to be his own man.

This guy knows what's up. But anyway, turning to 400 (the main ending in books like these):



The end!




I'd like to thank you all for your help in getting the Elf from one end of this LP to another. It's been a long and strange playthrough and while we spent most of it fiddling with and eating corpses I'd like to think we all learned something and grew as people.

Anyway, some bad news - the doctor said the infection had spread through my hand and into my forearm and it's a bit touch and go as to whether I'll keep the thing. But the REALLY bad news is that I was using the hospital scanners to get some pages scanned in and the doc noticed the book. He's taken it to the lab to study the multitude of diseases, poisoning and sheer bad luck this book causes. After they're done he assures me they'll destroy it But hey, there are always other books in the series, if I can find them.

This is the one page I managed to get scanned in at the hospital before I was restrained, it's the dedication page from the start of the book:



Thanks for playing Hope to see you all around the 2FF forums one of these days.
----

PS I'm putting together a pdf of the book, bestiary and cards if anyone wants a souvenir, I'll upload the link to that tomorrow once it's complete as long as the thread's still alive.

Saint Isaias Boner fucked around with this message at Jul 30, 2015 around 03:12

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Saint Isaias Boner
Jan 17, 2007

why do priests love skulls?
because they're holey


Plaster Town Cop

Blizzy_Cow posted:

Since he hasn't posted a reply in a bit im afraid his wound might've finally gotten the better of him:(

I'm going to pull through.

Final Update

Get your commemorative PDF here, in order and with a couple of very small extras included that probably weren't funny enough to make the thread:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B-...0NPSWZBbEdpOVE/

It took a bit of doing but I crammed the whole thing into 28 MB. Turns out if you're not saving everything as a PNG they don't take up as much space. Who knew.

Thanks again all y'all for sticking with it to the bitter (for Jeff) end, and thanks for this, really made my day:


-------

Claven666 posted:

dude you could literally flesh this out all the way and sell it, either via a traditional cyoa game system or some sort of steam game. nerds everywhere would line up to throw you money

I might have a stab at it some time, although I don't know if it'll be the Bastard Elf or if I'd rather try a new setting. I'll definitely be looking for internet funnymen to help out when the time comes so I'll start a thread here if I do it.

fancy sauces posted:



Rediscovering this Elf's debauchery has helped me through a dark time, OP. The world needs you doing this full time.

That's good to hear, I'm glad the Elf could do some good for someone.

Epic High Five posted:

This was incredible and I love you forever for doing it. What a great ending and I'm glad I stumbled onto the project so early. loving elves man, loving elves

Once the pdf is put together I'd appreciate a chance to name my price and send a little something your way for all the hard work you put into this for the expense that came with trying to land enough copies of the book to make a proper CYOA out of. Also toward your mounting medical bills relating to your book-maimed finger

edit - OH, and if you get bored enough and find a new scanner (even Goodwill has them laying around now!) maybe some alternate endings?

I won't get a chance to scan in those endings any time soon, but we saw most of the good ones. There was another ending which I had scanned in for if we had gone to the dairy, but the gag that hinged on is spoiled by the main ending we got to. I deleted it because I didn't think we'd use it and now the book's gone, sorry!

As for money, you absolutely don't have to pay a thing. If you're adamant about forcing money upon my ungrateful self, send me a PM or email (gilganixon at hermitskull dot com) and I'll send you the details. I'll probably waste it all on beer.

Al Borland posted:

awesome! Keep the thread open till we get the PDF of this in the OP.

ALso it seems that Herman's website has been taken over by some dubious artist!

I tried to PM you but your inbox is full. Anyway yeah, some dodgy fellow's taken over the place.

the_steve posted:

Hell yes, this was a fun game. Makes me wish I had gotten into them when I was younger.
I may have been too young though. I did like the other, more traditional CYOA books growing up, but I think I'd have had a blast with these more in-depth ones.

The Sorcery! series for Android and iOS is meant to be a fantastic port of the best of those books. I used to have them along with about thirty other of the Fighting Fantasy series when I was a kid. Spent a lot of time on my own rolling dice.

Amorphous Blob posted:

Thanks for the ride man. Really good CYOA. Couldn't help but notice that your first copy uses the author Herman S. Skull while your new one says Hermit Skull. Must be a change of pen names.

Also Mr. Skull's website looks recently updated! I really like "Food for the Moon" and "Wrath Panda"

Herman's the author, Hermit's the business. I think. The books aren't consistent about this and the 2FF forums are literally the worst place on the internet. Luckily they're sealed off behind some early '00s comedy website on a forum you have to pay to join, so no one is really exposed to them any more.
Thanks for the kind words.

Well, I guess this thread's about done. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Seeya next time I find one of these books lying around!

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