Darth123123 posted:

I read this cartoon fan fic to the end. I swear

Solice Kirsk posted:

So he failed and got banned right?

Paladinus posted:

You know what the Holocaust and a good Holocaust joke have in common?

Dogfish posted:

Well if we're just gonna be telling dad jokes, have you heard the one about the three-legged dog?

PBS Newshour posted:

i don't think we can really criticize tcc when this whole forum is addicted to shitposting
WAH BAM

Travis343 posted:

how is TCC not just a single post that says "smoke weed" like what other discussion about drugs do you even need to have.

Snowglobe of Doom posted:

Apparently I've been using the phrase "whiskey dick" completely wrong all these years.

Snapchat A Titty posted:

I had to go to the ER to get sewed up cause a dude smashed a bottle in my face. I'm cool.

MariusLecter posted:

Context: The People Vs. OJ SImpson thread in TVIV

Trig Discipline posted:

There were a lot more that were already dead.

Makes you think.

atomicthumbs posted:

Chichevache posted:

This is a project for a partially crippled friend. I'd rather not make him wait another 6 months. Thanks for the tip.

builds character posted:

Not like he's going anywhere.

Trig Discipline posted:

Okay that's pretty great.

Tesseraction posted:

I was confused about what Meghan McCain had to do with a paedo getting beaten up - you meant to quote one post above, about a child molester getting beat up on record.

fishmech posted:

Saw this going around:

what your favorite ancient roman says about you

caesar: you’re really into the military and political reform, or you just like the ablative absolute a little too much

antony: you are an actual human disaster

augustus: either you’re really artsy and love the roman aesthetic or the propaganda got to you

catullus: it’s impossible to tell what’s more of a mess, your love life or your maturity level

nero: you have some seriously bad taste

cato the elder: you are a cabbage farmer, or you just really, really hate carthage

cicero: you are too salty for your own good sometimes

vergil: you are either a gentle forest spirit or a rabid imperialist, no in-between

horace: you just wanna chill and have a nice drink, or you just really, really hate trees

hadrian: you should probably try studying ancient greece instead

julian the apostate: you read decline and fall of the roman empire and were all like hmm this reasoning for why the empire fell definitely still checks out. you have a vintage aesthetic tumblr and wonder if you were born in the wrong century

cincinnatus: the only thing you like more than saving the republic is farming. the only thing you like more than farming is farming in the nude

ovid: you got rich doing transformation commissions on furaffinity

sejanus: ok i don’t think there’s a single person whose actual favorite roman is sejanus but is it just me or was patrick stewart super hot as sejanus in i, claudius?????? i mean for real

aurelian: you listened to mike duncan’s the history of rome podcast and were convinced of aurelian’s high Value Over Replacement Emperor stat

diocletian: you try to micromanage every aspect of your life in order to fix the problems you see all around you and think that if everyone just did their job everything would work out. but nobody else gets it and you just watch while everything falls apart anyway

sulla: you’re like the diocletian person except you died before everything fell apart again so you’re smugger about it

marius: you know a lot about roman military history. you mention individually numbered legions in casual conversation as if that will mean anything to anyone ever. you saw a portrayal of republican roman soldiers in the iconic lorica segmentata of later rome and cried

trebonianus gallus: you’ve been to the met and seen that hilarious statue of him in “heroic nudity”

pliny the elder: your hobbies include natural history and being killed by a volcano

incitatus: you are a horse

julius nepos: you instinctively pick sides in arbitrary historical disputes and then fight to the death for them. you know the name of the current pretender to every abolished monarchy in europe. when somebody says the roman empire fell in 476 you go, “um, actually”, but in a way even more annoying than byzantine enthusiasts

justinian, alexios komnenos, [insert byzantine here]: ha ha, very clever

Chichevache posted:

What if my favorite is any of the three Flavians?

Deteriorata posted:

Three Flavians makes you Neapolitan.

Mel Mudkiper posted:

speaking of roasted shoes

NC-17 posted:

NC-17 posted:

What's amazing is how little photoshopping was required.

Febreeze posted:

Febreeze posted:

Henchman of Santa posted:

I was partial to this one

Sham bam bamina! posted:

He's not... he's not seriously considering...

Ein cooler Typ posted:

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. For a while now I have been into the idea of cuckolding. I watched cuckold porn for months and it was (and still is) incredibly arousing to me. I talked to several people online about it as well. I finally worked up the courage to ask my wife to do it before our anniversary. She was reluctant because she thought it would end badly but I kept pushing because I knew that I liked it and eventually she agreed.

We found a few guys online, and after finding the right one we went through with it last week. He was a very attractive guy - 6' tall, muscular, big dick - everything every guy wishes they had. When he came over I opened the door and we talked for a little while and then I introduced my wife. We went to the bedroom and I sat on the couch while he started to kiss her neck and undress her. He pushed her onto the bed, took off her panties and started eating her out. They were both loving it and so was I. Then he took his pants off and got on top of her and after kissing her for a little while he pinned her hands over her head and penetrated her; she moaned deeply. It was at this moment that my stomach dropped; hot to cold in a millisecond. I very quickly realized that when I was watching cuckold porn, I wasn't getting off on being the cuck, I was getting off on being the bull. I felt sick, but I didn't know what to do; they were already loving. I sat there, saying nothing. Luckily, after a few minutes, he finished. After it was all done, I rushed him out, told her to get cleaned up and I went to get some chinese food. I sat in my car crying for 20 minutes until it was ready and then went home and pretended nothing was wrong.

For the past week I have been doing my best to clench my teeth and try to forget about it, but I can't. The way she moaned, the way she grabbed him, the way she looked at him. I cannot get it out of my head. Knowing that I actually let another man, let alone a guy who's much more masculine and attractive than I, gently caress my wife makes me sick to my stomach.. I honestly want to kill myself and it seems like the best solution right now. I genuinely can't look at myself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. The worst part is that it's completely my fault. I don't know what to do. I really really need some advice. I've never felt this hopeless before.

Chichevache posted:

Has Mythbusters ever tested whether or not a torch could make a human skull pop? That stood out to me and I wasn't sure if a traumatised witness imagined it, or if the right conditions could, what? Boil the brain and increase pressure until the skull burst like Scanners?

Pharnakes posted:

Surely the eye sockets and temples would act as pressure relief valves before that happened. Maybe he saw an eyeball bursting?

Droogie posted:

One would think. I paused before adding this one, but did so after the considerations that:
1. It was a tower guard that witnessed it;

2. It appears in multiple sources, some more dramatic than others. Belive me, my description is more tame in tone;

3. I think the "whistling sound" may have been from pressure relief. You have to take into account this torch wasn't a gentle flame or the wide destructive flame of a flamethrower, but a concentrated, powerful flame used to cut through metal. I don't have a hard time imagining that it would flash boil a section of brain and fluid fast enough to cause a pressure release in the form of a quickly cracked skull.

cash crab posted:

"Some of the group's studies tested common beliefs about how bodies burn. For example, many textbooks state that if a skull is initially intact, the brains will boil and cause the skull to explode into small fragments. Investigators may therefore see the lack of such an explosion as a sign of foul play. Pope's team tested this theory by systematically burning 40 human heads - some injured, others intact. They found that skulls do not explode, burning in broadly the same way regardless of trauma (see image). The team also showed that a skull may look like it has exploded if debris falls on it once the heat has made it brittle (Journal of Forensic Sciences, vol 49, p 431). "

Business of Ferrets posted:

I always assumed the cutting jet would have penetrated straight through, providing the effect.

ToastFaceKillah posted:

I remember watching something on Herculaneum once, saying that when they found the bodies there, at first they thought they were prisoners, or murder victims, because a bunch of the skulls were basically smashed. They found later that the pyroclastic flow was so sudden and hot that that was the reason the skulls had broken.

‘Evidence of the corpses exposure to high temperature, apart postures, were the explosion of the skulls, gross and micro cracking of bones and teeth, blackening of the bones less protected by soft tissues, hyper flection of hands and feet,’ he said.

So extreme heat from a torch could have maybe been hot enough to pop a skull.

Droogie posted:

I think this is closer to what happened. What the guy witnessed was probably an explosion to him, but I think "explosion" is probably closer to "sudden split"

cheerfullydrab posted:

The only problem with that Jesse Helms quote is how it directly steals a Bill Hicks joke about Jesse Helms. Mangles it, too.

Like you can be funny without poorly quoting other people and passing their words off as your own, that's a thing.

frankenfreak posted:

The Real Foogla posted:

Pvt Dancer posted:

Nordick posted:

Something Awful is affecting our linguistic development please glass the planet tia

FactsAreUseless posted:

At one point somebody posted a bunch of the stuff parts of the old Adaptive Systems posts are plagiarized from, but I forget what it was.

Outrail posted:

We're just posting for each other's amusement. If you can poke fun at yourself why wouldn't you.

Beef Turret posted:

This thread is like.. Racism: The Thread. holy crap

Zzulu posted:

Brazilian is not a race

Otisburg posted:

Yeah you definitely want your beautician to take their time with that poo poo.

oldpainless posted:

A movie is not good or bad, a movie is. Your opinion is that the movie is bad but mine is that it is good. The movie doesn't care. Approach the movie as it is, not what you expected from it.

Alaois posted:

okay then, i interpret your posts as white supremacist rantings

you sick loving bigot

gentle pete posted:

Your Gay Uncle posted:

Does he know you don't have to be in water for it to be watercolor?

Rasmussen posted:

They were getting suspicious after all the oil paintings.

Grand Fromage posted:

Early Christianity is a huge mess of people getting angry as gently caress fighting over what look like very tiny trivial things to us. It's like reading the talk page on Wookiepedia or something.

Cyrano4747 posted:

I can't believe I'm actually trying to logically think this through in my head but here we go. . .

1) A nipple is extremely sensitive to pressure - seriously tweak your own nipple right now. You don't even need to hit it especially hard or be lactating or aroused or anything to get a flash of pain/pleasure there that you won't see applying a similar squeeze to your ear, nose, elbow, or even genitals.

2) A turgid penis is a lot stiffer and more resisting than your average nipple. You can actually squeeze one pretty loving hard without it getting painful. Even the head can take a lot more in the way of being smashed or squeezed than a nipple. These things are designed to be the penetrating prow of a mighty trireme, after all.

3) Babies don't have teeth. That's where most of the bad parts of biting during a blowjob happen. As long as skin isn't broken and they aren't dragged down the length like a loving rasp there's actually a time and place for nibbling in a good blowjob. "Nibbling" a nipple? Man, you better either be mostly just applying pressure with your lips or have some fine loving motor control over your jaw.

4) Finally: Purple nurples hurt like a motherfucker. Something similiar-ish doesn't have anything like the same affect when applied to a hard dick.

In short, as the owner/operator of both a dick and a set of (admittedly male) nipples I'm not entirely sure that Suetonius is writing about impossibilities here.

And now, having spent my morning coffee contemplating the logistics of blowjobs from infants, I'm going to go do anything else for the rest of the day and try to forget I ever sat down to think this through.

ryonguy posted:

fake edit: /\/\/\ "i just thought baby blowjobs were funny haha jk" further fake edit and drat that's an old one how the hell is he still here?

Blitz7x posted:

White people: why can't black people just protest normally like civilized folks

Black person: sits quietly during the national anthem

White people: no!!!!! Not like that

Probably Magic posted:

Comparing a person not standing up during the National Anthem to a September 11th is very proportional, I'll tell you what.

Madcosby posted:

Why ask people to do what the buildings couldnt?

Madcosby posted:

wheres that graph thats titled : The Eagles Are Really Good

Febreeze posted:

OSheaman posted:

that's a scatterplot not a graph

Febreeze posted:

hifi posted:

jerry richardson is going to stumble on blacked.com and mandate circumcision as well as no tattoos

MC2552John posted:

I expected this to be like Worldstar Hiphop and it wasn't. It wasn't at all. The circumcision bit makes more sense now.

Essential Inks posted:

#78
Apologize and explain where you were mentally without using it as an excuse. Ask if there is anything you can do to make amends and do so if it is within reason.

If you are still sore about the bullying, invite the Linkedin guy out for some arbitrary reason. Bring two trustworthy friends. Get him blackout drunk* and destroy his hands beyond repair. This can be accomplished easily by using strong zip-ties as tourniquets . Remember to wear gloves whenever you are handling the ties(also take his cash and throw his phone(remember to turn it off or break it) and wristwatch down a storm drain to give the impression of a mugging) and dispose of any unused ties in a trash bin far from your home. Get a lawyer at the first sign of police involvement and say nothing without his or her counsel. You were all drinking, so memory problems are very plausible.

*If all three of you do two shots with him(you're buying), you should all still be sober enough. Use a BAC calculator app and get him to about 0.3%, then delete it from your phone.

Subjunctive posted:

Seatoxx is one of the greatest things to ever occur on the internet.