Register a SA Forums Account here!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
Sitting Here
Dec 31, 2007
Over 9 million words. Over 7000 stories. Over 700 authors.

This is Thunderdome.

Thunderdome 2012: FYI, I do take big dumps, holla.
Thunderdome 2013: If this were any other thread we'd all be banned by now
Thunderdome 2014teen: Stories from the Abonend Bunker
Thunderdome 2015teen: Weekly Stories with Positive People
Thunderdome 2016teen: Fast Writing, Bad Writing
Thunderdome 2017teen: Prose and Cons
Thunderdome 2018teen: Abonen Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here
Thunderdome 2019teen: Writing Our Wrongs

:siren: CLICK HERE FOR CURRENT PROMPT :siren: (and tell Sitting Here or Crabrock if this link is not working)

Join us.

Thunderdome is a community of fiction writers. It’s also a bloody, no-holds-barred weekly flash fiction contest. Every week brings a different prompt, new judges, a fresh opportunity to prove your mettle against other writers.

Get in.

Weekly prompts are linked at the top of this post. The prompt post contains a signup deadline, a submission deadline, a maximum word count, and a writing prompt. Sign up by the deadline indicated in the prompt post. Submit your story by the deadline indicated in the prompt post. Follow the instructions in the prompt post.

Most weeks, posting a simple ‘in’ is enough to indicate your participation. Read the prompt post to find out if you need to do anything else to sign up.


From our most ancient texts:


Ius iudicis: judge’s right, judge’s responsibility, judge’s law.


Three shall be the number of judges, and the number of judges shall be three.

Four shall not judge, nor either shall those judging number two, excepting that thou then include a third.

Five is right out.

First time judges: click here.

The winner of the current week judges the next week. This boss judge chooses the prompt, word count, and deadlines. After submissions close, the boss judge and their co-judges select a winner, loser, and any honorable or dishonorable mentions.

It is the winner’s responsibility to recruit two co-judges. The winner should also be prepared to offer some sort of critical feedback to the writers who submitted stories.

At minimum, the boss judge should make three posts: A post containing the prompt, a post containing the results, and a post containing their critiques.

Click here for a comprehensive post on critique, including general critique guidelines. Thunderdome crits can be raucous, irreverent, and hyperbolic, but they should still be helpful.

And be judged.

If you post a story, you may win or lose. Winners become judges, losers get a sweet avatar:

Your story stands a better chance of doing well if it’s formatted correctly. Click here for a formatting guide.

As a participant, you will most likely receive critical feedback on your story. Don’t respond to critiques in this thread (a simple “Thank you for the crit” is okay). If you want to talk about critiques, skip to the bottom of this post for a list of resources.

Act as you see fit, and face the consequences.

There are things you could do to make your time here more effective. Reading the following list is one of those things.

  • Entries submitted after the boss judge closes submissions are disqualified. Disqualified entries cannot win, but they can lose.

  • Entries cannot be edited after they are submitted. Edited entries are disqualified.

  • Do not respond to critiques in-thread; use one of the resources linked near the bottom of this post.

  • White noise posts are never welcome.

  • Shitposts are almost never welcome.

  • Do not put your story in quote tags. Do not put it in spoiler tags.

  • Your story must be posted directly in the thread, rather than behind an off-site link.

  • No erotica. No fanfiction. Individual prompts often have other exclusions. Pay attention.

  • If you receive an additional prompt from a judge, you should add that to your story submission post.

  • Don’t talk poo poo you’re not willing to back up with words or critiques.

  • If you fail to submit one week, you should :toxx: that you’ll submit the next time you sign up.

  • Keep off-site issues off-site. You chat with goons at your own risk.

  • Don’t be malicious. Act in good faith.



Kayfabe /ˈkeɪfeɪb/ is the portrayal of staged events within the industry as "real" or "true," specifically the portrayal of competition, rivalries, and relationships between participants as being genuine and not of a staged or pre-determined nature. Kayfabe has also evolved to become a code word of sorts for maintaining this "reality" within the realm of the general public

From Wikipedia

Kayfabe is the showmanship that makes Thunderdome different from other, similar contests. Kayfabe gives participants the opportunity to show a little swagger, or act out grudges and rivalries within the arena of words. Kayfabe is optional, and it’s meant to be fun, not abusive.

Come find out what you’re made of, you unblooded weenies.

Glossary of terms and abbreviations.

    Failure - Neglecting to submit a story at all. More shameful than losing. See also: Toxx

    HM - Honorable mention; a story that was in consideration for the win, or had some notable positive quality.

    DM - Dishonorable mention; a story that was in consideration for the loss, or had some notable negative quality.

    DQ - Disqualification; a disqualified story. Stories that were submitted before judgment, but after submissions close. Also includes stories that went over word count and stories that were edited after posting. Disqualified stories can’t win, but they can lose, which is better than failure. See also: Redemption.

    Flashrule - A sub-prompt given by the judges as part of the main weekly prompt, often serving as an additional challenge or piece of inspiration.

    Hellrule - A particularly unfair flashrule, requested at one’s own risk. Not every judge will issue hellrules.

    Redemption - A disqualified story submitted after judgment has been posted. Better than failure.

    Toxx - Adding :toxx: to your signup post indicates that you will forfeit your forums account if you fail to submit. Banned accounts may be unbanned at the owner’s expense.

    FJGJ - Fast Judging, Good Judging. A thing impatient morons begin shouting the moment submissions close.

    Brawl - A duel between two or more writers. Brawls are separate from the weekly prompt. See On Brawling by Sebmojo for a detailed explanation.

    The Archive - A repository of all Thunderdome stories, faithfully maintained by crabrock and Kaishai for several years.

    Losertar - Another name for the free avatar given to losers of the weekly contest :)

Quick resources.

The Thunderdome Archive. Account required to view stories. You must have submitted at least one story to the weekly contest to gain access. Archive features include:

The fiction advice thread. A good place to discuss the critiques you receive in Thunderdome, and procrastinate by writing about writing (instead of writing).

Discord invites available upon request. PM me, or let us know how we can contact you.

Alternatively, join #Thunderdome on SynIRC.

For forums-related concerns, contact Sebmojo.

Sitting Here fucked around with this message at 06:34 on Nov 7, 2020


Oct 23, 2010

Legit Cyberpunk

On Brawling, by Sebmojo:

brawling what so someone said something mean and your bottom lip is doing that quivery thing and you feel like you can't go a single second more without punching a motherfucker? thunderdome has just the thing.

you can't fight here it's the Thunderdome when two people hate each other very much, and one of them is you, you get to slap down a challenge. make it big, make it brassy; you're slapping your sex bits down on the bar, try and make 'em bounce a little.

help someone's slapped me with something help accepting brawl challenges isn't required, but if you like to sling the poo poo around (and you should) then failing to back up your bad words with good ones will be remembered. brawl stories are good, being able to beat someone you're mad at is better.

how does it work? once you've thrown down a challenge, and had it accepted, a brawl judge will step up just like that weird bartender in The Shining. they'll give you a prompt, a word count and a deadline. they'll also, and this is real important, state the :toxx: this means if you fail to submit by the deadline then you get banned. the judge doesn't need to give you an extension.

what do you mean banned brawl toxxes are obligatory. if you're actually a literal secret agent and you've just discovered you're parachuting into Syria in two hours time then get on irc, snivel at your judge and maybe they'll remove the :toxx: from the prompt, but expect that to be a one-time mercy if you gently caress it up.

anything else? don't challenge anyone until you've done a few rounds, good grudges take time to fester, don't step up to judge a brawl unless you've at least got an HM or the participants have asked you to, and declining a random drive-by brawl is more acceptable than one with a grudge behind it. this place runs on words, and hatred, and you gotta fuel the fire. brawl judges, don't grab brawls if you don't have a prompt ready and don't be dicks; what matters is whose story is best, don't gently caress around.

is that it yes, fight well you horrible monsters

sebmojo fucked around with this message at 21:30 on Jan 1, 2020

Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.
Assembled for Your Convenience: The Thunderdome Archive!

Once upon a time, two Thunderdome veterans who shared a love of statistics and a touch of OCD conceived of the greatest project ever imagined: the Thunderdome Archive, where everyone's literary shame could be displayed forever. crabrock bought a domain and coded his visions into reality. Kaishai assisted him by trawling the threads for prompts, stories, and relevant .gifs. To this day, they fight to preserve Thunderdome's coprophilic heritage.

The Archive's purpose is to store the millions of words written for TD to date. If you want to make use of it to the fullest degree (which includes reading the stories), you'll need an account, and you can request one through the link at the top left of the index. Note that accounts are open to participants only! If you're desperate to read about Vorpal Drones and vambraces at sea without searching the threads, you must first shed blood.

We have graphs!

We have lists and rankings!

We have mad libs!

(Please read "Rural Rentboys," Thunderdome's most beloved classic, to understand 2020ty and to reach true spiritual enlightenment.)

And much, much more! Visit the Thunderdome Archive today!

Kaishai fucked around with this message at 21:06 on Jan 1, 2020

Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.
Past Weeks of Thunderdome, 2012-2015
Week		Title								Winner		
I		Man Agonizes Over Potatoes					Sitting Here
II		Dystopian Chick-Lit						budgieinspector
III		Check Your Cis Privilege in Swaziland				sebmojo
IV		last man in the moon						toanoradian
V		Gary Numan, Fucksticks						Nyarai
VI		VI: Week Six: It Rhymes with Dicks				SurreptitiousMuffin 
VII		The goons who lose will pay the highest price			budgieinspector (II)
VIII		Martello's Girlfriend Said, "I'm late!"				Y Kant Ozma Post
IX		Old Sex/Lawn Sounds						sebmojo (II)
XI		Betrayal, by Zdzislaw Beksiñski					Jeza
XII		Hateful Protagonist						Fanky Malloons
XIII		Real Natural Horror, Bitches					Toaster Beef
XIV		You Shouldn't Be Here						Sitting Here (III)
XV		Sharp Vision Soothes Strong Reaction				LordVonEarlDuke
XVI		Oh the weave we web						Sitting Here (IV)
XVII		I Don't Know You						V for Vegas
XVIII		Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves
A		Round One							Res|ults
B		Round Two							sebmojo (III)
XIX		How Deep is my Fuckin' Love					Peel
XX		Face Your Destiny						The Saddest Rhino
XXI		Welcome to My Sensorium						Fanky Malloons (II)
XXII		Schroedinger’s Nihilarian					sebmojo (IV)
XXIII		DIE FOR YOUR POETRY						twinkle cave
XXIV		Keyboard Kings							Capntastic
XXV		What They Deserve						STONE OF MADNESS
XXVII   	There is only PAIN						EchoCian
XXVIII  	Show me the love!						Kaishai
XXIX		Written in the Stars						sebmojo (VI)
XXX		We're 30 / Time to get dirty / LET US gently caress			Oxxidation
XXXI		Russian Nesting Dolls						Some Strange Flea
XXXII		Playing Angry Birds on a Derailing Train			Fanky Malloons (III)
XXXIII		The Ides of Marx						Nubile Hillock
XXXIV		No dragonshirts at the club					systran
XXXV		Pictures and Books						Sitting Here (V)
XXXVI   	Polishing Turds							Dr. Kloctopussy
XXXVII  	Professional Excellence						systran (II)
XXXVIII 	Mandatory Thunderbrawls						Nikaer Drekin, Nubile Hillock (II), and Fumblemouse
XXXIX   	Lurid & Astounding Tales of Pulp Submissions			Kaishai (II)
XL		Poor Richard's Thundervision					Bad Seafood
XLI		Get Everybody and Stuff Together				Noah
XLII		Been Called Worse by Better					crabrock
XLIII		He's Dead, Horatio						Oxxidation (II)
XLIV		Old Testament Studies with Chairchucker				sebmojo (VII)
XLV		That Prisoners Call the Sky					Fumblemouse (II)
XLVI		A Child's Garden of WTF						Kaishai (III)    
XLVII		The Rule of Three						Sitting Here (VI)
XLVIII		Sitting Here is a Lazy Stoner					V for Vegas (II)
XLIX		You Have Chosen...Poorly 					Kaishai (IV)
L		Fifty Shades of Thunderdome					Anathema Device
LI		We Told You So							Umbilical Lotus
LII		Cyberblaxploitation Anniversary					Fumblemouse (III)
LIII		The Horrors of History						Noah (II)
LIV		Petty Politics							The Saddest Rhino (II)
LV		School of a Certain Trade					Sitting Here (VII)
LVI		Keyhole Views							Didja Redo
LVII		No Characters Allowed						Zack_Gochuck
LVIII		Seeing vs Seen							systran (III)
LIX		Write Where You Live						Kaishai (V)
LX		The Case of the Regrettable Entries				Erogenous Beef
LXI		Twisted Traditions						crabrock (II)
LXII		Thunderdome Against Humanity					Fumblemouse (IV)
LXIII		Who finds short shorts unbearably depressing?			Sitting Here (VIII)
LXIV		Dead or Alive							Echo Cian (II)
LXV		Songs We Were Singing						Kaishai (VI)
LXVI		Know When to Fold 'Em						Quidnose
LXVII		Lions and Tigers and Bears					Erogenous Beef (II)
LXVIII		Once Upon A Crime						Fumblemouse (V)
LXIX		Good, Giving and Game						Jeza (II)
LXX		"And what did you see, my darling young one?"			God Over Djinn
LXXI		A way with words						foutre
LXXII		big as poo poo							crabrock (III)
LXXIII		My God It's Full of Starfish					Roguelike
LXXIV		Y Tu Thunderdome!?						sentientcarbon
LXXV		He's Not Quite Dead						Peel (II)
LXXVI		The Mystery of the Finite					God Over Djinn (II)
LXXVII		Well gee, that's certainly something				Tyrannosaurus
LXXVIII		Past Glories							Kaishai (VII)
LXXIX		Periodic Stories of the Elements				God Over Djinn (III)
LXXX		"Why don't you ask your huge cock?"				Erogenous Beef (III)
LXXXI		Chairchucker's LEGO prompt about LEGO for people who like LEGO	systran (IV)
LXXXII		Captain Thunderdome						Oxxidation (III)
LXXXIII		Comma, Noun, Verb						Kaishai (VIII)
LXXXIV		Who You Gonna Call?						Bad Seafood (II)
LXXXV		Ground Control to Major Tom					WeLandedOnTheMoon!
LXXXVI		Have You Seen My Trophy?					HopperUK
LXXXVII		Touched by a Thunderdome					Fumblemouse (VI)
LXXXVIII	The Wise Fool							Nethilia
LXXXIX		We Don't Need No Water, Let The drat Roof Burn			curlingiron
XC		Down With the Sickness						theblunderbuss
XCI		OUR FINEST HOUR							Tyrannosaurus (II)
XCII		The Great White Elephant Gift Exchange!				Meeple
XCIII		The wind is rising, so we must try to live			Meinberg
XCIV		TRULY ALIEN							Sitting Here (IX)
XCV		Inhuman Centipede						Tyrannosaurus (III)
XCVI		Free to a good home!						docbeard
XCVII		Neither Tarnished Nor Afraid					Kaishai (IX)
XCVIII		Music of the Night						Anomalous Blowout
XCIX		COME TO YOUR SENSES!						crabrock (IV)
C		The Black Attache Case						Various
CI		WAR								Tyrannosaurus (V)
CII		B-I-N-G-O							Echo Cian (III)
CIII		Pacifist Run							Entenzahn
CV		Book One							SurreptitiousMuffin (II)
CVI		VH1 presents: Behind the Goon[sic]				Tyrannosaurus (VI)
CVIII		The Dewey Decimal System					Grizzled Patriarch
CIX		Attack of the Clones						sebmojo (VIII)
CX		cleaning up the streets						Fanky Malloons (IV)
CXI		FOLK ALL Y'ALL							Entenzahn (II)
CXII		Attack of the Graphophobes					SurreptitiousMuffin (III)
CXIV		Missed Catnections						Kaishai (XI)
CXV		The Eleventh Hour						Sitting Here (X)
CXVI		Today in Technicolor						crabrock (VI)
CXVII		Tired of your poo poo						Kaishai (XII)
CXVIII		If on a Winter's Night a Fire					Chairchucker
CXIX		Oh!  Calamity!							Tyrannosaurus (VII)
CXX		You Can't Jump a Fence Without Knowing Where the Sun Sets	Sitting Here (XI)
CXXI		Pet Words							Jonked
CXXII		Bar-back							Grizzled Patriarch (II)
CXXIII		C'est Nes Pas une Nouvelle					Tyrannosaurus (VIII)
CXXIV		god have mercy							Grizzled Patriarch (III)
CXXV		Thunderdome is Coming to Town					Kaishai (XIII)
CXXVI		Auld Lang Syne							Anomalous Blowout (II)
CXXIX		Those We Loved							Nethilia (II)
CXXX		Twice Told Tales of Magic and Sparkles				Echo Cian (IV)
CXXXI		At the Crossroads						Entenzahn (III)
CXXXII		economy of prompt						Fumblemouse (VIII)
CXXXIII		The Gods of Thunderdome						Ironic Twist
CXXXIV		Run Domer Run							crabrock (VIII)
CXXXVI		Famous Last Words						newtestleper
CXXXVII		A Picture is Worth rand( ) % 1500 words				Grizzled Patriarch (V)
CXXXVIII	Aaahh!!! Real Monsters						Broenheim
CXXXIX		Well gently caress Me Then						God Over Djinn (V)
CXL		Who do you think you are?					Grizzled Patriarch (VI)
CXLI		"Three May Keep a Secret, If Two of Them Are Dead"		Sitting Here (XII)
CXLII		BUT MOM, A WIZARD DID IT					Dr. Kloctopussy (II)
CXLIII		Smells Like Dome Spirit						Kaishai (XIV)
CXLIV		Doming Lasha Tumbai						crabrock (IX)
CXLV		"You gonna finish that?"					Djeser and Sitting Here (XIII)
CXLVI		The Ones You Hate to Love					Tyrannosaurus (IX)
CXLVII		The Tragedy of Shakespeare Descending				Thranguy
CXLVIII		Gambling Degenerates						docbeard (III)
CXLIX		Thrilling Adventure!						theblunderbuss (II)
CL		Everything Old is New Again					Ironic Twist (II)
CLI		Rewriting the Books						Sitting Here (XIV)
CLII		Rhymes with Red, White, and Blue				Bad Seafood (III)
CLIII		Gather Your Party						curlingiron (II)
CLIV		Naturally Unnatural						docbeard (IV)
CLV		IT'S TOO drat HOT						Tyrannosaurus (X)
CLVI		LET'S GET hosed UP ON LOVE					WeLandedOnTheMoon! (II)
CLVIII		...LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS						sebmojo (IX)
CLIX		SINNERS ORGY							Tyrannosaurus (XI)
CLX		Spin the wheel!							Thranguy (II)
CLXI		Negative Exponents						sebmojo (X)
CLXII		The best of the worst and the worst of the best			Dr. Kloctopussy (III)
CLXIV		I Shouldn't Have Eaten That Souvlaki				Kaishai (XV)
CLXV		Back to School							Dr. Kloctopussy (IV)
CLXVI		Comings and Goings						Ironic Twist (III)
CLXVII		Black Sunshine							Morning Bell (II)
CLXVIII		She Stole My Wallet and My Heart				Kaishai (XVI)
CLXIX		Thunderdome o' Bedlam						crabrock (X)
CLXX		Cities & Kaiju							WeLandedOnTheMoon! (III)
CLXXI		The Honorable THUNDERDOME CLXXI					crabrock (XI)
CLXXII		Thunderdome Startup						Kaishai (XVII)
CLXXIII		Pilgrim's Progress						Fumblemouse (IX)
CLXXIV		Ladles and Jellyspoons						Sitting Here (XV)
CLXXV		Speels of Magic							Benny Profane
CLXXVI		Florida Man and/or Woman					Grizzled Patriarch (VII)
CLXXVII		Sparkly Mermen 2: Electric Merman Boogaloo			Entenzahn (IV)
CLXXVIII	I’m not mad, just disappointed					Grizzled Patriarch (VIII)

Kaishai fucked around with this message at 21:07 on Jan 1, 2020

Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.
Past Weeks of Thunderdome, 2016-2018
Week		Title								Winner		
CLXXIX		Strange Logs							Ironic Twist (IV)
CLXXX		Maybe I'm a Maze						God Over Djinn (VI)
CLXXXI		We like bloodsports and we don't care who knows!		Ironic Twist (V)
CLXXXII		Domegrassi							Boaz-Jachim
CLXXXIII	Sorry Dad, I Was Late To The Riots				Thranguy (III)
CLXXXIV		The 2015teen Great White Elephant Prompt Exchange		Ironic Twist (VI)
CLXXXV		Music of the Night, Vol. II					crabrock (XII)
CLXXXVI		Giving away prizes for doing f'd-up things			Titus82
CLXXXVII	Lost In Translation						Ironic Twist (VII)
CLXXXVIII	Insomniac Olympics						anime was right
CLXXXIX		knight time							Grizzled Patriarch (IX)
CXC		Three-Course Tale						crabrock (XIII)
CXCI		We Talk Good							sparksbloom
CXCII		Really Entertaining Minific					Sitting Here (XVI)
CXCIII		the worst week							Kaishai (XVIII)
CXCIV		Only Mr. God Knows Why						Daphnaie
CXCV		Inverse World							Ironic Twist (VIII)
CXCVI		Molten Copper vs. Thunderdome					Thranguy (IV)
CXCVII		Stories of Powerful Ambition and Poor Impulse Control		Tyrannosaurus (XII)
CXCVIII		Buddy Stuff							dmboogie
CXCIX		EVERYBODY KNOWS poo poo'S hosed					Grizzled Patriarch (X)
CC		Taters Gonna Tate Fuckers					Noah (III) and Kaishai (XIX)
CCI		Old Russian Joke						Benny Profane (II)
CCII		THUNDER-O-S!							spectres of autism
CCIV		Hate Week							SurreptitiousMuffin (IV)
CCV		the book of forbidden names					Djeser (II)
CCVI		WHIZZ! Bang! POW! Thunderdome!					The Cut of Your Jib
CCVII		Bottle Your Rage						SurreptitiousMuffin (V)
CCVIII		Upper-Class Tweet of the Year					Sitting Here (XVII)
CCX		Crit Ketchup Week						Ironic Twist (IX)
CCXI		Next-Best Friend Week						Tyrannosaurus (XIV)
CCXII		Vice News							Thranguy (V)
CCXIII		Punked Out							The Saddest Rhino (III)
CCXV		El sueño de la razón produce el Thunderdome			Oxxidation (IV)
CCXVI		Historical Redemption (or: Sin, Lizzie)				SurreptitiousMuffin (VI)
CCXVIII		Duel Nature							SurreptitiousMuffin (VII)
CCXIX		coz wer goffik							Sitting Here (XVIII)
CCXX		Enter the Voidmart						newtestleper (II)
CCXXI		The Escape of the Bad Words.					flerp (II)
CCXXII		Deliver Us From Bad Prompting					sparksbloom (II)
CCXXIII		Dear Thunderdome						Boaz-Jachim (II)
CCXXIV		I Wanna Dome You Like An Animal					Sailor Viy
CCXXV		Pick A Century							Okua
CCXXVI		Viking Wisdom							Hawklad
CCXXVII		It was a Dark and Stormy Night....				steeltoedsneakers
CCXXVIII	Unqualified							Erogenous Beef (IV)
CCXXIX		The War, on Christmas						sebmojo (XI)
CCXXX		Slaying the Cursed Yearking					QuoProQuid
CCXXXI		No Grown-ups!							Sitting Here (XIX)
CCXXXII		I want to crit your blood					Jitzu_the_Monk (II)
CCXXXIV		Binging on Bad Words						Tyrannosaurus (XV)
CCXXXVI		Three-Card Combo						Uranium Phoenix
CCXXXVII	A Way for the Cosmos To Know Itself				Thranguy (VII)
CCXXXVIII	Lie to Me							BeefSupreme
CCXXXIX		Stop trying to crit me and crit me!				The Cut of Your Jib (III)
CCXL		These Bits Don't Ad Up						Hawklad (II)
CCXLI		From Zero to Hero						Uranium Phoenix (II)
CCXLII		Resonance of Words						Kaishai (XX)
CCXLIII		We Are the Heroes of Our Time					Chili
CCXLIV		Unspecified Word Disorder					Sitting Here (XX)
CCXLV		it's all about me, fuckers					Djeser (III)
CCXLVI		You Need Satan More Than He Needs You				Thranguy (VIII)
CCXLVII		Crimes Against Literature					Uranium Phoenix (III)
CCXLVIII	A Vision of the Future						Thranguy (IX)
CCXLIX		Thunderdomers Assemble!						Solitair
CCL		Everything Means Nothing Anymore				ThirdEmperor
CCLI		We're Grammarpunk Now						Obliterati (II)
CCLII		Your Cardboard Protagonist Was Here				Sitting Here (XXI)
CCLIII		The road to lovely fiction is paved with good intentions	flerp (III)
CCLIV		dog week							sebmojo (XII)
CCLVI		Myths of the Near Stone Age					Sitting Here (XXII)
CCLVII		No failures week.						Dr. Kloctopussy (V)
CCLIX		One, Two, Three							Bad Seafood (IV)
CCLX		Empty Spaces							Fleta Mcgurn
CCLXI		You Are Cordially Invited to the Dome of a Thousand Doors	Hawklad (III)
CCLXII		Build Your Own Prompt						Tyrannosaurus (XVI)
CCLXIII		dragons are for rich white kids					ThirdEmperor (II)
CCLXIV		Dystopia With A View						Tyrannosaurus (XVII)
CCLXV		KEITH APE							Benny Profane (III)
CCLXVI		J. Walter Weatherman and Friends				Hawklad (IV)
CCLXVII		The Horror....the horror					SurreptitiousMuffin (VIII)
CCLXX		La Belle Époque							Obliterati (III)
CCLXXI		Reality Doesn't Care What You Think				sebmojo (XIII)
CCLXXII		Lost in the funhouse						sparksbloom (III)
CCLXXIII	A Wicked Pack of Cards						Ironic Twist (X)
CCLXXIV		I Scream, You Scream						Thranguy (XI)
CCLXXV		Bring on the Lovers, Liars and Clowns				QuoProQuid (II)
CCLXXVI		Little Man History						crabrock (XIV)
CCLXXVII	Rewrite Mashup							Fumblemouse (X)
CCLXXVIII	Get Your (Self-Improving) Freak On				Thranguy (XII)
CCLXXIX		How to Write a Story						Entenzahn (IV)
CCLXXX		Let’s Play Thunderdome: Entenzahn’s Bad Idea			Kaishai (XXI)
CCLXXXI		We Wish You a Merman Christmas!					Antivehicular
CCLXXXII	A Lyttony of Sorrows						Tyrannosaurus (XIII)
CCLXXXIV	That’s How the Light Gets In					Djeser (IV)
CCLXXXV		Tempus Fuckit							Bad Seafood (V)
CCLXXXVI	Picturesque Picaresque						DreamingofRoses
CCLXXXVII	Bad Romance							Antivehicular (II)
CCLXXXVIII	Standing Outside a Broken TDome With Flash Rules in My Hand	curlingiron (III)
CCXC		Fiasco Week 2:  Return to the Chicken Hut			QuoProQuid (III)
CCXCI		You are Such a Loser, Good for You				Thranguy (XIV)
CCXCII		Ancient History							Kaishai (XXII)
CCXCIII		These Sainted Days of Spring					Fumblemouse (XI)
CCXCIV		Rush, Rush, Hurry Cybernetic Entity Enter me.			SurreptitiousMuffin (IX)
CCXCV		DO YOUR WORST!							Chainmail Onesie and Tanz!
CCXCVI		Challenge, Struggle, Tears & Triumph				Deltasquid (II)
CCXCVII		And Now for Something Completely Different			Tyrannosaurus (XIX)
CCXCVIII	Featuring Idris Elba						Chili (II)
CCXCIX		Aqua Teen Thunder Force						sparksbloom (IV)
CCC		Let's Make a Void!						The Saddest Rhino (IV)
CCCI		Communications Breakdown					Antivehicular (IV)
CCCII		Invisible Bartertowns						Fumblemouse (XII)
CCCIII		Things Humanity Was Not Meant To Know				Djeser (V)
CCCIV		Magic of Bronze and Stone					Antivehicular (V)
CCCV		"They sell tacos... and Potato Olés!"				Sitting Here (XXIII)
CCCVI		Strange, Familiar Intelligence (corvids vs cephalopods)		Armack (III)
CCCVII		Unitary Will							Jay W. Friks (II)
CCCVIII		Codex of the Infinite Planes					SurreptitiousMuffin (X)
CCCIX		He & She							cptn_dr
CCCX		Ghosts and Whiskey						Staggy
CCCXI		It's a poor craftsman that blames his tools			Invisible Clergy
CCCXII		Family Motto							Tyrannosaurus (XX)
CCCXIII		(Were-creatures and) Vampires are Alive				Anomalous Blowout (III)
CCCXIV		Bingo Night at Thunderdome					QuoProQuid (IV)
CCCXV		Ships Passing in the Night					Staggy (II)
CCCXVI		Measure Twice, Cut Once						Yoruichi
CCCXVII		Power Trippin'							sebmojo (XIV)
CCCXVIII	two from column A, one from column B				Djeser (VI)
CCCXIX		雷電のコンペティション〜☆						Antivehicular (VI)
CCCXX		Dumpster Diving For Fun and Profit				Sitting Here (XXIV)
CCCXXI		Objectionable Objectification					JOHN MADNESS
CCCXXIII	Wu Tang in Space / Where do ideas come from? / MOON FIGHT	SurreptitiousMuffin (XXI)
CCCXXIV		it came from the other house, and would not leave		The Saddest Rhino (V)
CCCXXV		The Horror Is Capitalism					Anomalous Blowout (IV)
CCCXXVI		LET'S MAKE A PLAYLIST!						Antivehicular (VII)
CCCXXVII	Check out all our majesty					Thranguy (XV)
CCCXXVIII	Economy of Prompt 2						Antivehicular (VIII)
CCCXXIX		Fun-Sized Thunderdome						sparksbloom (V)
CCCXXX		Ray Gun Control							Antivehicular (IX)
CCCXXXI		A Very Thunderdome Hanukkah					Djeser (VII)
CCCXXXII	Steering the Crap						Yoruichi (III)
CCCXXXIII	A Sparkly Merman Holiday Special				Thranguy (XVI)
CCCXXXIV	Here Be Dragons							Kaishai (XXIII)

Kaishai fucked around with this message at 21:08 on Jan 1, 2020

Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.
Past Weeks of Thunderdome, 2019-2020
Week		Title								Winner		
CCCXXXV  	Pictures Worth a Thousand Words					Staggy (III)
CCCXXXVI  	Best of the Bestiary						Antivehicular (X)
CCCXXXVII  	A Dark and Stormy 2019						Lippincott
CCCXXXVIII  	Places of Power							Tyrannosaurus (XXI)
CCCXXXIX  	Die Hard							Antivehicular (XI)
CCCXL  		Beyond the Murder of the Dolls					Thranguy (XVII)
CCCXLI  	AD 2019, Neo-Thunderdome					The Saddest Rhino (VI)
CCCXLII  	A human being is primarily a bag for putting food into		crimea
CCCXLIII  	What a Horrible Week To Have a Curse				Anomalous Blowout (V)
CCCXLV  	24/7								Djeser (VIII)
CCCXLVI  	A Fistful of Magic Missiles					Antivehicular (XII)
CCCXLVII  	Suddenly, Everything Has Changed				flerp (IV)
CCCXLVIII  	dog week 2: this time, you actually write something		Anomalous Blowout (VI)
CCCXLIX  	A Stroll Through the Archives					sebmojo (XV)
CCCL  		This is the line of division					Thranguy (XVIII)
CCCLI  		Rat-a-tat-tat, Thunderdome					Fleta Mcgurn (II)
CCCLII  	Do You Know? 나쁜 글쓰기!						Thranguy (XIX)
CCCLIII  	Sonder								Saucy_Rodent
CCCLIV  	S'moreDome							Nethilia (III)
CCCLV  		Top Ten Hundred Words						Tyrannosaurus (XXII)
CCCLVI  	THE WAR & ARTHUR C. CLARKE					Nikaer Drekin (II)
CCCLVII  	You People Are So Dramatic					Adam Vegas
CCCLVIII  	19th Century Schizoid Man					Staggy (V)
CCCLIX  	Who we are to one another					Djeser (IX)
CCCLX  		What If Thunderdome, But Too Much				Antivehicular (XIII)
CCCLXI  	Extremely Creative Nonfiction					Tyrannosaurus (XXIII)
CCCLXIII  	Face Our Gods and March Backwards Into Hell			sparksbloom (VI)
CCCLXIV  	GACHADOME							Pepe Silvia Browne
CCCLXV  	Leo Season							Tyrannosaurus (XXIV)
CCCLXVI  	You Believe in the moon?					Anomalous Blowout (VII)
CCCLXVII  	Call Me, Ishmael						Sitting Here (XXV)
CCCLXVIII  	Hold On Loosely							Barnaby Profane (IV)
CCCLXIX  	Nothing But A Number						sebmojo (XVI)
CCCLXX  	Seeing the wiring beneath the board				Black Griffon
CCCLXXII  	Pirates!							Thranguy (XX)
CCCLXXIII  	Write With Joystick Controllers					Tyrannosaurus (XXV)
CCCLXXIV  	the perfect country & western story				Black Griffon (II)
CCCLXXVI  	Superman's Super Slip-Up					Thranguy (XXI)
CCCLXXVII  	Kenophobia							Mercedes
CCCLXXVIII  	What went wrong?						Barnaby Profane (V)
CCCLXXIX  	ANTS								Sitting Here (XXVI)
CCCLXXX  	sitting here thinks of a prompt					Djeser (XI)
CCCLXXXI  	The Book of Sand Is Long and Boring				flerp (V)
CCCLXXXII  	turn on your monitor						Mrenda
CCCLXXXIII  	I’m Walkin’ He-ah!						magic cactus
CCCLXXXIV  	Needle In The Red						Simply Simon
CCCLXXXV  	Getting a Reaction						Carl Killer Miller
CCCLXXXVI  	TD, I just can't quit you					Antivehicular (XIV)
CCCLXXXVII  	Losers Gotta Stay Positive					Barnaby Profane (VI)
CCCLXXXVIII  	Fantastic Mr Cockroach						Ironic Twist (X)
CCCLXXXIX  	BRRRRR-omancer							a friendly penguin
CCCXC	  	Dressed to Kill Your Darlings					Carl Killer Miller (II)
CCCXCI  	You Are the Disease, Thunderdome is the Cure			Tyrannosaurus (XXVI)
CCCXCII  	THE WEDDING SPEECH						Anomalous Amalgam
CCCXCIV  	The Questions of Interpersonal Closeness			Yoruichi (IV)
CCCXCV  	What a Load of Nonsense						Fumblemouse (XIII)
CCCXCVII  	Twelve Fifteen Eighteen						Sitting Here (XXVII)
CCCXCVIII  	at the end of the tunnel					Pending

Kaishai fucked around with this message at 05:14 on Mar 22, 2020

Nov 3, 2010

Scoffing at modernity.
Thunderbrawls of 2020
Thunderbrawl 320 by SlipUp:  Entenzahn vs. Sitting Here
Round 1			Entenzahn

Thunderbrawl 321 by Anomalous Blowout:  cptn_dr vs. SurreptitiousMuffin vs. sebmojo vs. Captain_Person
Round 1			cptn_dr

Thunderbrawl 322 by Anomalous Amalgam:  Flesnolk vs. Azza Bamboo
Round 1			Flesnolk

Thunderbrawl 323 by sebmojo:  steeltoedsneakers vs. Carl Killer Miller
Round 1			steeltoedsneakers

Thunderbrawl 324 by Antivehicular:  cptn_dr vs. arbitraryfairy
Round 1			Pending

Thunderbrawl 325 by Chili:  SlipUp vs. Anomalous Amalgam
Round 1			Anomalous Amalgam

Thunderbrawl 326 by flerp:  Saucy_Rodent vs. AstronautCharlie
Round 1			Saucy_Rodent

Thunderbrawl 327 by Flesnolk:  Anomalous Amalgam vs. SlipUp
Round 1			SlipUp

Kaishai fucked around with this message at 18:18 on Mar 23, 2020

Sep 21, 2017

Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse

Happy new year Thunderdome. Here is a reading of The Merman's Package, by Kaishai

:sparkles: :sparkles:

Black Griffon
Mar 12, 2005

Now, in the quantum moment before the closure, when all become one. One moment left. One point of space and time.

I know who you are. You are destiny.

Right, let's get this out of the way.

Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give


Thunderdome CCCLXXXVII: Losers Gotta Stay Positive

Many moons ago, back in Week 70, Jeza gave the thread a song week with a difference: a week with a single song at its heart, where each prompt was a single line. This week is going to work the same way. Jeza chose a song from Nobel semi-laureate Bob Dylan; I'm going classier and more relevant to the modern condition.

This week, your prompt will be a line of your (or my) choice from Beck's "Loser":


In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey
Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie
With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables
Dog food skulls with the beefcake pantyhose
Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
Stock car flaming with the loser in the cruise control
Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
Got a couple of couches, sleep on the loveseat
Someone came in saying I'm insane to complain
About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
Don't believe everything that you breathe
You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
So shave your face with some mace in the dark
Saving all your food stamps and burning down the trailer park
Yo, cut it

Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?
(Double barrel buckshot)
Soy un perdedor
I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?

The forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
Ban all the music with the phony gas chamber
'Cause one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag
One's on the pole, shove the other in a bag
With the rerun shows and the cocaine nose-job
The daytime crap of the folksinger slob
He hung himself with a guitar string
A slab of turkey-neck and it's hanging from a pigeon wing
You can't get right if you can't relate
Trade the cash for the beat for the body for the hate
And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite
Who's choking on the splinters

(Get crazy with the cheese whiz)

(Drive-by body pierce)

(Yo, bring it on down)

I'm a driver, I'm a winner
Things are gonna change, I can feel it

(I can't believe you)

(Sprechen Sie Deutsch, eh, baby?)

(Know what I'm sayin'?)

When you sign up, pick a line or ask me to pick one for you. Each line can only be picked once; if we somehow get more signups than we have lines, I'll double up, but for now, grab it or lose it.

To make this a little more fun, and because it's the new year and we need to start this with a positive jam, I have one more rule for you: your story this week should have a happy, hopeful, or otherwise positive ending. Bad things can happen, but there should be a light at the end of the tunnel. Please do not be ironic or otherwise cute about this. Just write happy. I know you can do it.

No erotica, fanfiction, topical politics/political screeds, Google Docs, archive-breaking coding, or dick pics.

Word Count: 1500 Words
Signups Close: Friday, January 3rd, 11:59 PM Pacific
Submissions Close: Sunday, January 5th, 11:59 PM Pacific

maybe YOUUUUU?

1. flerp :toxx: -- A slab of turkey-neck and it's hanging from a pigeon wing
2. Thranguy -- Kill the headlights and put it in neutral
3. crimea -- I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me?
4. Yoruichi -- With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables
5. Doctor Eckhart -- (Drive-by body pierce)
6. Anomalous Amalgam :toxx: -- Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie
7. Carl Killer Miller -- Got a couple of couches, sleep on the loveseat
8. Mrenda -- In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey
9. magic cactus -- (Get crazy with the cheese whiz)
10. Something Else -- The forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
11. Sham bam bamina! -- So shave your face with some mace in the dark
12. selaphiel -- 'Cause one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag
13. SlipUp -- Saving all your food stamps and burning down the trailer park
14. Ironic Twist -- Yo, cut it
15. Chainmail Onesie -- Stock car flaming with the loser in the cruise control
16. Barnaby Profane -- About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
17. Pththya-lyi -- Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
18. Chairchucker -- You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
19. Azza Bamboo -- And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite
20. a friendly penguin -- Who's choking on the splinters

Antivehicular fucked around with this message at 09:52 on Jan 4, 2020

Feb 25, 2014
in give me line :toxx:

Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

flerp posted:

in give me line :toxx:

A slab of turkey-neck and it's hanging from a pigeon wing

Apr 21, 2010

Deceitful and black-hearted, perhaps we are. But we would never go against the Code. Well, perhaps for good reasons. But mostly never.
Kill the headlights and put it in neutral.

Nov 16, 2012

Let's cut to the quick.

In with 'I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?'

Sep 21, 2017

Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse

With the plastic eyeballs, spray-paint the vegetables

Doctor Eckhart
Dec 23, 2019

I’m in:

(Drive-by body pierce)

Anomalous Amalgam
Feb 13, 2015

by Nyc_Tattoo
Doctor Rope

I'm in

Carl Killer Miller
Apr 28, 2007

This is the way that it all falls.
This is how I feel,
This is what I need:

I'm in, gimme a line.

Mar 14, 2012


In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey

magic cactus
Aug 3, 2019

We lied. We are not at war. There is no enemy. This is a rescue operation.
My new year's resolution is to write more, so IN and I'd like to be given a line please!

Something Else
Dec 27, 2004

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome


The forces of evil in a bozo nightmare

Apr 11, 2012
I don't really have anything in the tank but want to participate in the first week, so I'll help judge.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat
So shave your face with some mace in the dark.

Jan 31, 2019

where did all the entwives go?

'Cause one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag

Sep 30, 2006

stayin c o o l

Saving all your food stamps and burning down the trailer park

Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Butane in my veins and I'm out to cut the junkie

Carl Killer Miller posted:

I'm in, gimme a line.

Got a couple of couches, sleep on the loveseat

magic cactus posted:

My new year's resolution is to write more, so IN and I'd like to be given a line please!

(Get crazy with the cheese whiz)

Ironic Twist
Aug 3, 2008

I'm bokeh, you're bokeh
in with "Yo, cut it"

Chainmail Onesie
May 12, 2014

of "Thunder Dome!
In with Stock car flaming with the loser in the cruise control

Profane Accessory
Feb 23, 2012

In with About a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt .

Nov 8, 2009

One line, please!

Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Pththya-lyi posted:

One line, please!

Baby's in Reno with the vitamin D

Nov 14, 2006

to ride eternal, shiny and chrome


give it to me

Azza Bamboo
Apr 7, 2018

Late entry, but I've never really written anything before and someone said "you should try this thunderdome thing."

As the Tory said to his business associate: give me a line.

Oct 23, 2010

Legit Cyberpunk

in accordance with my ancient vow, here are crits for teh first of the last two weeks I failed:

Thunderdome presents: Two Guys and a Pencil, a play by Entenzahn

This is what we might characterise as a slab of chairchucker words, and i like those when they’re well done - as an adjunct professor in applied chuckerology i can advise that key elements of good chuckerwords are a mostly light tone, low affect protags, enjoyably weird story elements, a loose attitude to the existence/importance of the fourth wall, and (crucially) knowing when to get out of the story and hit post. This hits all those really well and i enjoyed the heck out of it on first reading; but didn’t like the toss off ending for all that’s also a key part of the form. It also tries maybe a bit too hard with images like the five meaty hand tentacles. However it was good, and funny, and i didn’t feel angry after reading it.

Byra, by Haven

Hmm, i was sort of prepped to yell at you for the intensely mundane he said then she said then he picked up the thing opener, but you know what? It actually works with the story, it’s about a couple making an ikea dresser which is (lol) notoriously difficult (chortle) i mean airline food, and the portions so small, &c. It’s a hackneyed bit but that makes the solid details, reasonably well chosen words and recognisable human interactions important, you’re not just leaning on the cliche gag. The vital sprinkle of actual interest comes from the strange helpline lady, and that’s also well done - i like how there’s really zero bizarre occult nonsense, it just needs her wise quasi-swedish words, but it’s still lightly strange. You maybe missed a trick in the name of the drawers - byra just means chest of drawers, and i’d probably have put another sprinkle of oddness in there for those with a willingness to google search it. Solid workmanlike piece though, all the bits fit together.

Growing Apart, by lofi

These are competent social realist addiction intervention words, though not therefore particularly interesting or intriguing; we’ve all seen this movie. The twist at the end is nice enough, though unheralded; it’s more fun if she’s addicted too, not fun at all if she’s just taking it away from him (bc if so why not do that before?) but neither option is really supported so it falls flat. This is called robbing story peter to pay dumb twist ending paul, and is generally bad, and that leads me to the actual crippling flaw with this story: wtf does an alien artefact look like? Smell like? Does it talk? Squeak when you squeeze it? How do you investigate it? What is the actual thing that’s being complained about here? Without that all we have is a booze/drugs substitute, and that’s well enough done on a technical level but it’s also super dull.

Random Access, by jon Joe

This grabs me from the first line, and weaves some fairly heady concepts into a well-drawn two-nerds-in-a-basement chitchat scene. That said, it’s all so abstract that the end is a flop. The whole story is a blinking cursor after the prompt DO_INTERESTING_STUFF.EXE and that’s disappointing.

Always Winter Break, But Never Christmas, by anti-v

This is the first one that actually ties its weirdness to something metaphorical and vaguely interesting, and I love the precisely odd details like the OH OH OH depression santa. Because of this there are some actual stakes here, and it’s satisfying seeing the protag turn a wrongness into a small and tatty rightness by sheer force of will. Not sure i love the ending line, it’s fine, it’s adequate, but with a few slightly better words (maybe replicating the fractal reference from before?) this would soar; as is it’s just really good.

The Bet, by thranguy

A heady brew of precisely deployed and very Borgesian phrasing and intricately imagined oddness, with beautiful detailing that doesn’t quiiiiite pay off its body swap ending twist, i think? The bland title doesn’t help - i think the title is a good place to put a time bomb that goes off when you finish the story, so the reader can realise the twist was staring them in the face the whole time. (edit: thrangles has pointed out that Bet is the second letter of the hebrew alphabet, and the Aleph is a super famous borges story so disregard this - i'm a dumbass and that's a great title) There’s also the issue of the nameless interlocutor - where/who/when are they? Don’t know, don’t care, and that makes the whole thing fall flatter than it should given the considerable talent on display.

Fly The Coop by Slipup

I read this as fly the co-op and was primed for a splendidly weird tale of preparing a fruit and vegetable purchasing consortium for flight, but you know what your v solid first para set me right. The story takes a slow but inexorable downward parabola from then on, regrettably, with our bikie leader doing a bunch of pointless cartoony stuff and dying stupidly, then the story ending with the nameless antagonist flying to the moon for reasons that are both unclear and dumb.

Last Call, by carl killer miller

This is a strong piece, and is an instructive comparison with lofi’s similarly addiction focused yarn - this works and that didn’t, because of the details, which are both vivid and authentic. I raised an eyebrow at the literally trapped in a bottle bit, bc come the gently caress on my man there are metaphors and then there are achingly on the nose metaphor boops and that’s for sure the latter. I liked the personification of the bottle via the label and its sneakily magic realist ability to be always just within reach though, and the ending where he fails, is the hard and right choice for the story i think.

The Distance Between Atoms, by flerp

Hell yeah MAGIC REALIST GAP STORY GOGOGO i honestly think this is a good practice at this length, just flop out whatever the story is about, bammo just lay it on the table in a solid dgaf manner. That said, there’s almost nothing else in this story so it had better be good. It is, and your words and images are very shiny, but i do think it’s lacking some progress through the course of its very good words that could make it hang together for me. E.g. the gap is there at the end, but they’re touching, but before they were touching and it wasn’t? The story points at a thing and keeps pointing at it, and it’s an interesting thing, but if it did more than point i’d like it more.

The Ghost Box, by quoproquid

Nice opener, and a delightful tonal choice with the bedsheet. I also really like your dialogue - oblique, awkward - and the almost but not quite on-the-nose metaphor of the emotions kept in a little box (it works because the box already has a purpose, so the metaphor is laid on top). I don’t think the ending lands though; i got some good advice about writing this kind of strong emotion, which is to be dangerous and surprising. Sobbing is very much the google “pictures of sad people” choice. Challenge yourself, and then you have a strong image to end a fairly strong story.

A Wake in a Forest, by black gryphon

EhhhHHHhh, this really doesn’t land for me at all. So there’s a guy in a clearing, and he gives our protag the ability to be a super paramedic, and…? I mean seriously, so what? Words are a few shades below good (a quiet broken by the machines of men is legitimately a Bad Line) and then we get to the stopping point and there’s no more reading and my shoulders are caught mid-shrug

PLAN Ω, by magic cactus

Just a personal note, the only person who can write ‘permitted herself a small smile’ and not have me permit myself a thunderous frown was frank herbert and he dead, magic cactus, he dead. Also hot drat this it a flabby first four paras that you have inexplicably chosen to give me with only a single carriage return. If i was minded that way i’d be rollin’ my eyes at the fearsome sluttiness of our protag and her devilish desire for reproductive autonomy, but eh, write what you write imo just make it good. Is this good? It’s florid, to the point of being overwritten, (the slide as uterus is sort of clever in an overheated kind of way) but i think the overall structure is fairly solid and I like the ending. See above for interesting ways to convey cliches though - i love you is fiiiiine i guess but is there another place you could have gone? Still, this is p solid, i guess for all i itch to scissor away a few adjectives.

Tesseract, by sephiroth ira

Oof that’s a clunky opener, just packed full of names and stuff that do you know what i don’t really care about. Nothing actually then goes on to happen apart from Lookin at the Weird Box and Not Really Givin a poo poo about it. This isn’t a story, it’s a scene, and a fairly dull one - an audacious move but not necessarily a wise one.

Love & Sacrifice, by anom amalg

Nice little thunderdome metaphor in the opening there i’m sure u will agree. I actually really like your opener, its vivid and mystical, with a sense of an unfamiliar fairy tale, and the transition to flashback is ok too - i feel oriented! However writing ‘He was ready to relive the memories when his bloodlust was cut short as he felt a gentle familiar touch on his shoulder.’ is at least one subclause too many - it’s always worth splitting those into multiple sentences if they feel clunky. The second half i like less, not least because killing the protag is a risky move that you haven’t really got the chops for (dude pulls out his own heart? really?) and the end falls super flat because we don’t actually know or really care about the kid who survived, and sacrifice is a vague Capitalised Concept that will never be as effective as a strong image or relationship.

sebmojo fucked around with this message at 23:07 on Jan 3, 2020

a friendly penguin
Feb 1, 2007

trolling for fish

Who's choking on the splinter.

Anomalous Amalgam
Feb 13, 2015

by Nyc_Tattoo
Doctor Rope
Unfulfilled Crit Exchange!
Thunderdome presents: Two Guys and a Pencil, a play by Entenzahn
I believe another TD goon commented on this, but the opening dialogue felt a bit awkward. I don’t think it’s unnecessary, but it was a weird place to start, like the conversation had already been going and you walked in at a strange part of it that makes things more confusing than clear. I’d either preface the conversation with that explanatory follow up, start the conversation earlier or remove it altogether and just jump to the explanation. Could just be me /shrug.

The narrator has a distinct voice that almost seems like it’s one of these guys, or another fool succumbed to the pencil. At times the narrator pulls me away from the story with character judgments, insights and analysis that feels like it should be coming from the character’s themselves, but is clearly a cheeky observer’s? It’s a deliberate move on your part, and it’s not at all bad, but I feel like the narrator’s voice shifts from personal to more explanatory and story like. It’s like watching found footage of shmucks loving up, and the person showing it to you is also giving you a funny, but low-key terrifying play by play.


He looked at his hand, dumbfounded. His five meaty hand tentacles looked back at him, equally confused. They had done everything their master had told them to. And yet, the pencil was missing from betwixt them.
I personally enjoy this bit, but it comes off a bit goofier than I think you intended when it felt like you meant to convey utter weirdness. I feel like you pick up on that, but it also comes across a bit kitsch.


There was silence between them. Silence, and a pencil. Silence, a pencil, and stale, musty air ripe with the exhausted breaths from one-hundred-and-fourteen failures. Come to think of it, maybe there were even more things between them, but let’s move on for now. It was ten in the evening. Time flies when you’re having fun.
This section is one of many where the kind of quirky humor of the situation makes for a good contrast of the horror therein, but something about it personally came across a bit jarring or clunky when I first read it.

All in all, I don’t know what I’m doing when I’m critting, but I enjoyed this story. I feel like there is the occasional clash of competing tones, but what do I know? I probably would have given this an HM because it speaks to stuff that I like personally and I think was fairly competently arranged, written and told.

Anomalous Amalgam fucked around with this message at 23:45 on Jan 3, 2020

Sep 21, 2017

Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse

A crit of Trash Baby by anatomi, a redemption story for week 349.

There are some cool ideas in this but they're all over the place, and nothing really comes together. We've got Benny's relationship with Karen his social worker, with his (deceased?) mother, his alcoholism and the fact he steals from his neighbours... Any of these could have been the focus of the story in their own right, but because there is too much in here they end up feeling like unresolved sub-plots.

The thing the story is actually about - the vomit-egg or whatever it is - doesn't even show up until a third of the way through. Fortunately, things then start to get super interesting, because then Karen discovers the egg and then--

Oh, then the story just stops.

I was genuinely disappointed by the ending, because I really wanted to know what the heck this egg thing was, and how Benny and Karen were going to resolve their strange and strained relationship. Should you feel inclined to do another version of this, I reckon delete everything before "Benny gripped the toilet rim, feeling like his eyes were going to burst from the sisyphean dry heave," and focus on what the egg means for him, and for Karen.

Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving And something has got to give

Chairchucker posted:

give it to me

You get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve

Azza Bamboo posted:

Late entry, but I've never really written anything before and someone said "you should try this thunderdome thing."

As the Tory said to his business associate: give me a line.

And my time is a piece of wax falling on a termite

And with that, Signups are closed.

Mar 14, 2012

Line: "In the time of chimpanzees, I was a monkey"

Amateur Geology
1,496 Words

Ever since I was nine I've hated chimpanzees. loving despised them.

It happened after our class on evolution. I was in the yard, and all I was doing—standing on my own—was finding some peace bashing rocks together. The night before, the awful, free sports channel we received showed European rock climbing. It didn’t impress me. What did impress me was the grit, or rock-sand, they used on their hands. What I wanted, by bashing my two stones together, was to have dust like the climbers used; to stop the sweat on my always dewy, moist palms.

I was happy, making dust, bashing rocks, until Charlie Dunstable, in his huge, already-broken voice yelled, "Look at Marty! He's evolved and discovered tools like the chimpanzees!" Of course everyone laughed. Chimpanzees were the topical event, and when the topical event met the everlasting humour of my torment the class erupted into a riotous uproar, all at my expense. I know, I know, sticks and stones and all that, and I was used to harsh words, but it was from that point onwards stones were occasionally hurled at my head. That left a mark.

I should hate Charlie Dunstable, maybe, but he’s a doctor now, with a beautiful philosophy professor wife and a country home in the mountains, and I work unplugging hair from college dormitory drains. It’s easier, maybe healthier, to ignore Mr. Successful and direct my ire at something immaterial: those tool using chimpanzees, who, for some reason—a reason beyond me—have just discovered fire.

Which brings me to my protest at the zoo. The pyromaniac chimps were rescued after hunting drove them out of their reserve, and much to everyone’s surprise, when at the wildlife park, they showed the onlooking zoologists they could make fire with dried kindling and flint. They were even starting to cook their food. Learning about this changed something in me; I no longer hated chimpanzees. In much the same way I felt sorrow for nine year old me I feared for those chimps. I guess you could say their fire lit a fire in me.

“Stop! Go back!” was my first protest sign. “Monkeys! No! Stop!” was my second, with one of those ‘No-Smoking’ designs but with a fire instead of a cigarette. It was then someone pointed out they weren’t monkeys, but apes. “It’s a mistake! Ignore evolution! Stop developing, you drat dirty apes!” was my third sign, and that got me noticed. First, by a guy called Stevie Grunge—a stoner, I’ll admit—but he was happy to share so I was fine with him. He was also good looking (and possibly a dealer) so he brought in a few college students. My movement was gaining momentum. We were going to save the chimps, and maybe even ourselves.

It was during one of our think-ins—as we all got together to discuss the ways higher level thought was a hindrance—that a sound-tech, covering the zoo’s discovery for a local news agency, recorded the first, and only, surviving document of our new approach for the world. I still remember the tech explaining to the newscaster we could be a side topic for her coverage. “They think this discovery will bring human plights and strife to the monkeys! Eventually, I guess. I’ve got it all on tape!” He might have called us ‘kooks,’ but I interrupted. I pointed out they were actually apes, not monkeys. But this was my problem; I still couldn’t escape the higher level need of wanting to be correct, and more, to prove to people I am correct. I explained this to them, what I’d just done, and how we all needed to halt our domination desires. How we needed to save the apes from their coming torment, and just as much people too.

We weren’t featured on the news channel but he did sell the interview to the college radio station. That was the next step for my movement: Ms. Ellie Downton-Dunstable, a very affable woman, and coincidentally Charlie Dunstable’s beautiful wife, was listening in her campus office. Something must have clicked for her, because soon, she and a few grad students were down at the zoo with video cameras and digital recorders documenting every movement from the chimps; disrupting the already frantic zoologists. I found this out when one of my student campaigners talked to her BFF, a philosophy grad, over one of Stevie Grunge’s pre-rolled wonders.

“Heidegger, you see!” she said. I didn’t see. “He said things are either available for our use, or we have to figure out their use. It’s a part of ‘Being.’” I still didn’t see.

“As Being-creatures we have the ability to contemplate our existence and so others’ existence; everyone’s, our own, animals’, even objects’ existence. We think now the monkeys have fire, soon they might begin to wonder about their, and everything’s, place in the world!”

This scared me. Whether I was pulling three foot congealed clumps of shampoo ridden hair from drains, or standing in that schoolyard smashing rocks—soon to have them flung at me—I was aware of my place in the world. And by this point I was feeling more and more like those chimps; watched and at the centre of something I couldn’t quite comprehend, let alone direct. I wanted peace for them.

By then our protests had grown to ten, fifteen, sometimes twenty people. I wondered if the zoologists would discover more studying me than the fire-making apes, who, of course, drew more protestors, mainly from animal rights groups. They always had a bigger crowd than us, and less than putting purpose to humanity and chimp-kind’s place in the world they wanted humanity to stop. Plain outright stop. I could kind of see their point, except then we’d be without hot water, restaurants, and dedicated beer-fridges, so I’m not sure I fully accepted their grievances.

Eventually, after a few days, on a cool dry morning, the inevitable happened. I’d noticed quiet talking among new people—better dressed and generally more showered—moving through the animal rights groups. After a while those solid looking people slowly disappeared. That’s when the crusties stormed the zoo gates. The few security guards did what they could. My group ran the other direction, but I stood my ground—or more than stood my ground—ran between the zoo and the violent protestors. I feared for my chimp-friends. I feared for the violence they might see, frightening them, corrupting them.

Of course, the police came. The very angry, very bash-friendly police. They wanted to break up my protest along with the animal rights groups. That’s when my nemesis’s wife, Ellie Downton-Dunstable, stepped in for us.

“He has a point,” she said. “He should be allowed make it.”

“I’m sorry, Miss, who are you? Are you with the zoo?” the cop asked.

“I’m lead philosopher of the Apes and Friends Philosophy Team.”

“Sure...” the cop said.

“My point is there’s something very valuable, according to Heidegger—” at this I nodded like I knew all about him, “—with being aware of the tools we use in the world.” The cop looked scared.

“I’m sure you’re familiar with Ready-At-Hand and Present-At-Hand, and how these chimpanzees may be discovering the core destabilising but unifying issues of higher level thinking with advanced creativity such as fire!”

The cop nodded. His grip on his riot baton tightened.

“They may very well have encountered Being!” His eyes darted towards his sergeant. “Actual Dasein in something other than humans!” continued Ellie Downton-Dunstable, now in full flow.

The cop retreated to his training. “He can’t be here!” he said, as he poked me right in the chest.

“He’s coming with me,” Ellie said, ignoring the cop, waving her zoo pass, leading me through the gates.

Eventually we were standing before the chimps’ enclosure. I hadn’t actually seen them in person before. They looked absolutely inconsequential.

“They’ve stopped making fire,” she said.

A still quiet seemed to empty the world around us. Even the enclosure was silent, as though the chimps were cowed.

“They’re probably embarrassed,” I said. "You do something new, then everyone gawps at you? I’d stop doing it too.”

“We’ve found a reserve that can accommodate them. The zoologists tell me they need peace and isolation to continue what they’ve begun.”

“Same,” I said.

“No-one, not even me—looking for the next philosophical breakthrough, thanks to your interview—could object. They’re discovering, playing, finding new ways. It’s how any real advancement is made.”

I only half heard her—busy feeling the lump in my throat—as I watched one small, chubby chimpanzee, proudly standing before a larger group, happily bashing two rocks together.

“That’s normal behaviour,” Ellie said, pointing at him. “A young chimp. Learning. What spark!”

The lump in my throat disappeared. I smiled.


I disbanded my group after that, no longer annoyed at higher level thinking. Stevie Grunge bought a van. The students returned to college, all a little high. And thinking of that young chimp I realised I actually enjoyed rocks, so I took up amateur geology.


Oct 23, 2010

Legit Cyberpunk

I'm judge also

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5