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Head Bee Guy
Jun 12, 2011

Retarded for Busting

Grimey Drawer



Been thinking about apes lately and how cool they are. I like when theyíre cute or funny, less so when theyíre sad or endangered.

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gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005



theres an ape called the mandrill

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0veiTgUQLKw

William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



One of my early memories was visiting a zoo in Germany when I was seven and seeing a gorilla for the first time. He was huge, and as he sat there watching the watchers he made eye contact with me and I saw crystal clear, thinking intelligence, and that image has stayed with me to this day. I think that brief encounter played an instrumental part in giving me the deep love and respect for all animals that I have today.

The only other memory I have from that day is a big nosed ape (or monkey?) whose species I am unsure of showing me his rear end and then charging the glass. I think he wanted to kill us, but I still love and respect him.

That was 35 years ago and both of those apes are probably dead now.

edit: it was definitely one of these, a Proboscis monkey:

William Henry Hairytaint fucked around with this message at 23:43 on Feb 24, 2021

1redflag
Feb 15, 2012

I'm accidentally a suicide bomber!


Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`


Dang this coot is PRO. First they do the hootin and hollerin to get people leaning forward, paying attention, then rocking back and forth with the arms swaying so you don't even notice the palmed turd, then an underarm fastball right smack dab in the middle of grannies face! A great ape indeed.

Bula Vinaka
Oct 21, 2020

Beachside!


Humans are a species of great ape.

Hi apes.

vudan
Dec 11, 2010


Bula Vinaka posted:

Humans are a species of great ape.

Hi apes.

I dunno if they are that great really.

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

Your face looks like one of these monkeys butts



https://www.thecut.com/2016/12/scientists-think-your-face-evolved-to-resemble-an-apes-butt.html

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




*spits*
lotta squatch here abouts

Thesaurus
Oct 3, 2004




apes are unsettling and bad. They rip off and deglove fingers and poo poo without blinking an eye. Basically super powered strength and agility, devoid of moral reasoning, in a grotesque humanoid form

Bula Vinaka
Oct 21, 2020

Beachside!


Thesaurus posted:

apes are unsettling and bad. They rip off and deglove fingers and poo poo without blinking an eye. Basically super powered strength and agility, devoid of moral reasoning, in a grotesque humanoid form

That's more chimps when they get violent. Orangutans are less violent. Gorillas show violence and can and do violence do each other, but a lot of it is show.

Basically, from what I've heard, if you offer food to chimps and gorillas, they tend to just take it, sometimes running away to make sure they can eat all of it without anyone else taking it from them. If you offer orangutans food, they tend to break it in half and hand you back your half.


#notallapes

Bula Vinaka
Oct 21, 2020

Beachside!


Owlofcreamcheese
May 22, 2005

I've spent decades reading Covid-19 articles, far more than you have. That makes me more of an expert than you ever can dream of.

Buglord

God made man in his image then made apes look like him but hosed up

Tom Gorman
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts




his coconut gun can fire in spurts

if he shoots ya, it's gonna hurt

skasion
Feb 13, 2012

Why don't you perform zazen, facing a wall?


Thesaurus posted:

apes are unsettling and bad. They rip off and deglove fingers and poo poo without blinking an eye. Basically super powered strength and agility, devoid of moral reasoning, in a grotesque humanoid form

Yeah OP I agree. letís go shoot them all to death with a colossal moloch like edifice of weapons of war

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

skasion posted:

Yeah OP I agree. letís go shoot them all to death with a colossal moloch like edifice of weapons of war

Only if we can do it while looking like a 300lb rubbery misshapen turnip.

Songbearer
Jul 12, 2007




Fuck you say?


Primates are boring. Cuttlefish are cuter and have Many Smart

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015



Pppssssshhhhhhhhh, been ape sucka.

sexpig by night
Sep 8, 2011
Probation
Can't post for 45 hours!


I once went to the zoo and the orangutan was just absolutely going to town on his dick, just havin a grand ol time. I respect it.

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


Most humans are on par with the low apes. The best most of them could hope for is hypersimian (monosyllabes, basic tool use, ability to choose right and wrong but still swallow their gum).

phasmid
Jan 16, 2015

Booty Shaker
SILENT MAJORITY


sexpig by night posted:

I once went to the zoo and the orangutan was just absolutely going to town on his dick, just havin a grand ol time. I respect it.

Spank, shock, suck

The monkey


e. I know monkeys aren't apes don't any of you try and tell me

deadeyez
Jan 31, 2015

aggressively stupid



Fun Shoe

When I was a kid they had some of those fu man chu mustache pocket monkeys at the Minnesota zoo. Or como, idk. Anyways, I was on a field trip and saw it. You know how there's this weird slightly squishy seal between panes of glass or plastic? This loving mustache monkey was using its long rear end pencil thin long to lick a hole through it. This guy was just plastered against the pane, reverse-throating it's weirdly long tongue through the hole, with it just flopping up, then down, over and over again. We all took turns getting licked by the monkey. It was pretty cool.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013




deadeyez posted:

When I was a kid they had some of those fu man chu mustache pocket monkeys at the Minnesota zoo. Or como, idk. Anyways, I was on a field trip and saw it. You know how there's this weird slightly squishy seal between panes of glass or plastic? This loving mustache monkey was using its long rear end pencil thin long to lick a hole through it. This guy was just plastered against the pane, reverse-throating it's weirdly long tongue through the hole, with it just flopping up, then down, over and over again. We all took turns getting licked by the monkey. It was pretty cool.




yw

DarkSoulsTantrum
Apr 6, 2011

this kills the crab

Sure, they're visually impressive, but a lot of posters find large avatars physically uncomfortable. Furthermore, the owners of large avatars often rely on their size alone and don't bother to develop more refined posting techniques.





Thesaurus posted:

apes are unsettling and bad. They rip off and deglove fingers and poo poo without blinking an eye. Basically super powered strength and agility, devoid of moral reasoning, in a grotesque humanoid form

Oh well thankfully humans have evolved beyond that.

Full Metal Jackass
Jan 22, 2001

Rabid bats are welcome in my home

Head Bee Guy posted:



Been thinking about apes lately and how cool they are. I like when they’re cute or funny, less so when they’re sad or endangered.

Good ole saucer face. Very majestic creature

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012

RABBIT RABBIT
RABBIT RABBIT

Fried Watermelon
Dec 29, 2008




Head Bee Guy
Jun 12, 2011

Retarded for Busting

Grimey Drawer

skasion posted:

Yeah OP I agree. letís go shoot them all to death with a colossal moloch like edifice of weapons of war

*bangs chest and rushes towards you* Iím the OP of this clan

Head Bee Guy fucked around with this message at 05:11 on Feb 25, 2021

BIG TIT LIL NIP
Oct 5, 2005






all these apes are driving me bananas.

Johnny Walker
Jun 14, 2005

Old Owl, a Lookout




*sigh* "It's a living."

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015



BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:

all these apes are driving me bananas.

Maybe you should stop putting wheels on your bananas then.

Weka
May 5, 2019

And if you gaze long into an abyss, you will say `look, no ring.`

Then how would the apes drive them?

ClamdestineBoyster
Aug 15, 2015



Weka posted:

Then how would the apes drive them?

That was the point, that they were driving them bananas.

Jose
Jul 24, 2007





Gibbons own

Bula Vinaka
Oct 21, 2020

Beachside!


Jose posted:

Gibbons own

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLMRHScRnhs

Flannelette
Jan 16, 2010





Genetic engineering biomods better let me do this before I die.

hemale in pain
Jun 5, 2010






Salad Prong


I always love the "no human could walk like that!" stuff

Funky See Funky Do
Aug 20, 2013
STILL TRYING HARD

If I had it all to do over again I'd go with orangutan this time. They seem like they've got it all figured out. Nothing but eating fruit all day and giving each other backrubs. They've got all of the ape smarts and none of the ape murder rage.

Please don't ruin orangutans for me by explaining that they do in fact have ape murder rage. I don't want to hear that poo poo. Nobody does.

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Grevling
Dec 18, 2016



https://i.imgur.com/BgI0jwN.mp4

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