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Barudak posted:Next time some dumb motherfucker talks poo poo about my boy Tom Bombadil I need to remind them of the excruciating Beorn chapter of the Hobbit. Its a motherfuckin clip show episode, in a book! now you've just got me thinking about jonathan frakes as beorn
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May 10, 2021 18:12
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indigi posted:a dude in an LotR meme group claimed that Theoden's decision to spare Wormtongue was a thematic departure from the original text and was Peter Jackson's "postmodernist" commentary on the Bush administration. I owned him so thoroughly that he left the group and blocked me personally i believe that the merger of eomer and erkenbrand is peter jackson's postmodernist commentary on the bush administration
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May 14, 2021 13:17
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Barudak posted:I don't think dwarves are jewish, they just remind me shirkers I know in real life. You could 100% have an equitable trading relationship with Dwarves and what have you but when it comes time to do something that requires actual Dwarven sacrifice they won't be there. the folks who lived in rhovanion were proto-numenorians who stayed behind and did not go to numenor. they share ancestry with rohan, yeah. anyway dwarves and elves are both very cautious about sacrifice in the third age for reasons that are perfectly sound. the elves are simply done having kids, there aren't going to be any more. each and every combat-trained elf lost is hundreds or thousands of years of training that can't defend the remaining elven enclaves and can't be replaced, ever. dwarves aren't done having kids, but they do seem to breed very slowly. coming to the aid of Men when Men can simply replenish their numbers in a generation must seem hopelessly foolish. Jazerus fucked around with this message at 03:57 on Jun 10, 2021 |
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Jun 10, 2021 03:46
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sometimes you've really gotta wonder about the elves thousands of years of life each and they've never bothered to go check out anything eastwards??
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Jun 12, 2021 00:05
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skasion posted:They came from there at the command of God. Probably bad vibes to go back some elves never even left and many of them stopped at various points along the way. there are two wizards over there, doing something. the total immobility of everybody - not even one guy went past the sea of rhun and drew a map, or bought one from the perfectly normal people that presumably live there, nor did any of those people visit the west - is maybe the least realistic thing about tolkien's universe. can't blame the guy considering how in-depth he wanted to be about every single place he did describe in detail, but it's an oddity once you realize that no, sauron probably doesn't control everything east of mordor
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Jun 12, 2021 05:09
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indigi posted:the problem is that even if the Ring stayed lost forever Sauron was definitely going to win in the end, nobody could get it together to meaningfully oppose him and Gondor and Rohan were hanging by a thread after his first attack yeah the necessity of the ring quest was sort of the result of hundreds of years of disorganization, complacency, and probably a bit of treachery via saruman sandbagging every attempt to figure out what the hell is up with this "necromancer" guy
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Jun 13, 2021 20:22
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Book Elrond and Book Gandalf both turn to the camera and explain why Frodo had to go with a small band of companions and not another massed army of the baddest dudes on the good guy side could at least send glorfindel with them imo apparently in the first draft of fellowship he actually was part of the quest??? wtf tolkien
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Jun 13, 2021 21:58
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celeborn here. please do NOT laugh at my quenya name (teleporno)
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Jun 14, 2021 00:11
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indigi posted:my thing is, they’re all dumbasses. who or what else could it have possibly been? it’s either the Witch King, who we should probably deal with, or it’s Sauron, meaning he’s back, also something we should deal with. there’s nothing in all LotR and extended sources that hints any old dickhead could become magically powerful unless they’re an Ainu or empowered by one, so they knew it had to be Sauron (or one of his empowered lieutenants) yeah i mean even if it HAD been some random dickhead it seems awfully lame to let him hang out in thranduil's dad's house for a thousand years indigi posted:idk how it’s more flashy than sending the prince of Mirkwood, future Steward of Gondor, the heir of Isildur, and a freaking Maiar glorfindel is just that cool
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Jun 14, 2021 17:02
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are we really going to avoid calling frodo a failson if pippin and merry count?? only sam is pure
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Jun 17, 2021 00:01
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skasion posted:Saruman’s plans in the Shire are economic not military. He doesn’t send an army there, he just gives a bunch (couple hundred) of people jobs. i never really understood saruman's plan for the shire. totally discounting the fellowship hobbits returning, because of course he wouldn't feel threatened by that, is he just aiming to be a tobacco baron and really hoping that aragorn doesn't go poking around in arnor once he becomes king?
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Jun 18, 2021 05:53
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Arcsquad12 posted:Would the ring give a Balrog the ability to fly. 
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Jun 19, 2021 05:51
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frodo was adopted at 21, not 12. he stayed with merry's parents and the general brandybuck extended family until then, that's why he's so close to merry. bilbo stuck around for just 12 years after adopting frodo. i think by that point he genuinely is just a favorite uncle, not a dad; if anybody took over that role it was probably saradoc, merry's dad.
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Jun 23, 2021 05:03
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either bilbo really fudged the tale when he was writing it down, or the ring was basically asleep apart from its drive to get away from the boring little dude who sat in a cave all day. bilbo doesn't experience any of the negative effects of actively employing the ring even when he's in sauron's neighborhood during the mirkwood section, or in front of a big nasty servant of morgoth, i.e. smaug
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Jun 26, 2021 03:21
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skasion posted:The ring is more like a machine than a person imo. It works in predictable ways that reflect the personality of Sauron, its maker. and sauron said to celebrimbor, "google deep neural networks"
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Jun 26, 2021 03:57
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what's everybody's tier list for the sons of feanor
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Aug 25, 2021 23:35
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the witch-king of angmar has gone Full Dante
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Sep 1, 2021 18:14
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a rare depiction of the men of harad
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Dec 23, 2021 10:31
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Vavrek posted:What bugged me, the one time I looked for a fan edit of the Hobbit films, was that whatever the popular "true to Tolkien's work" one was: it cut out the song and dance routine of What Bilbo Baggins Hates. the first film is perfectly acceptable imo. even the additions are more "fun" than "awful". but i knew that when they split the back half of the story up into two movies, they were going to be truly dire, and, well, they were idk how you make a "true to tolkien" edit and cut the songs
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Dec 25, 2021 02:36
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99% of the elves are so depressed by their immortality and view of the world as Less Than It Used To Be that even if they're super cool they can't actually do anything. they can sit around and talk and sing and all that poo poo, but ask them to go out and affect the world? no, why bother, everything's so hosed up, nothing matters. they're like bethesda fallout NPCs - they just accept that the world sucks rear end now and won't do anything to change it at all which is pretty real honestly but also gently caress em, sail west you jerks
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Jan 4, 2022 06:33
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Barudak posted:What Im saying is Gandalf is CIA manwe's eagles = black helicopters Cease to Hope posted:this is all fair but glorfindel literally just went out and did something the previous chapter which is why the film's change to make it arwen doing a thing instead actually is good and cool, imo the young elves (and there aren't many of them! like...a dozen?) are the only ones who aren't totally paralyzed by how much things suck. glorfindel having a last moment of "glory" (it's really pretty tame poo poo compared to Peak Glorfindel) is just kind of sad and opens you up to thinking the older elves can actually do things if they really want to. but no, glorfindel is just the coolest guy and could manage to rouse himself enough to do a thing right outside his front door, but he's not doing anything else. arwen going out and acting in the world as her elders once did, but no longer can, conveys the special position of young elves better i think. Jazerus fucked around with this message at 07:03 on Jan 4, 2022 |
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Jan 4, 2022 06:51
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Sodomy Hussein posted:The DC seriously makes Battle of the Five Armies almost unwatchable. it already was almost unwatchable tho
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Jan 5, 2022 00:12
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Barudak posted:the eastern side of Mordor. you've gotta wonder what all those folks think about sauron since he doesn't seem to have, like, actually conquered any further east than mordor. hell all of morgoth's bullshit was in the west too, the east seems to be fine, proudly NOT invaded by dark forces every thousand years thank you very much
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Jan 29, 2022 06:37
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when the valar invited everybody to crash in valinor, every time they took a break from marching west some bunch of elves decided that they actually just really love this forest right here and stayed. there should be lots of elves in the east unless they've had their own off-screen issues with morgoth or men. there are also a bunch of dwarves over there but sauron (or men under his rule) seems to have campaigned against them because a lot of them fled west; frodo talks to some of them at the very beginning of fellowship who are running off to the blue mountains from the east.
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Jan 29, 2022 08:30
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ChubbyChecker posted:does gandalf even have a penis new thread title
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Jan 30, 2022 05:20
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the things under moria seem to pre-date the valar and maiar, like tom bombadil and ungoliant
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Jan 31, 2022 05:56
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sauron and saruman can create things, they aren't subject to morgoth's restrictions. in fact both of their domains of magic are of creation; they are maiar of aule. morgoth can only destroy and corrupt but this has to do with being a raging rear end in a top hat, not with being evil; his inability to create independently of eru illuvatar is what makes him bitter and turns him against the world, reasoning that if he just corrupts everything it will be sort of like he made something of his own. in fact he could have just created stuff, but he never did, because (he believes) his powers of creation derive from eru, while corruption is a thing of his own devising. meanwhile eru is laughing his head off at the idea that one of his creations thinks it's doing anything he didn't design it to do, because eru is the catholic God and is fully comfortable with the answer to the problem of evil being "yeah, i designed some things to be evil as gently caress, what about it?" morgoth corrupts elves into orcs; seduces maiar into taking the forms of balrogs and dragons; and so on. sauron creates the trolls and the uruks as well as the black speech, saruman creates his own bunch of uruks and industrial metalworking, etc. Jazerus fucked around with this message at 09:19 on Jan 31, 2022 |
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Jan 31, 2022 09:13
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Speak "Gimli owned Legolas", and enter
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Feb 7, 2022 17:25
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Barudak posted:Saruman's enchanted dialog is a nightmare realm of explaining to people (in two languages) that no light can escape from. I lust now only for wizard death read this as "Saruman's enchanted dong" at first
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Feb 17, 2022 19:28
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why didn't frodo just use the flying nimbus to get to mordor
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Mar 8, 2022 02:57
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uruk-hai? all graduates of the school of the americas
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Mar 8, 2022 04:16
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he still has a monkey tail so he's an edain 
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Mar 10, 2022 00:43
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indigi posted:they’re creatures of shadow so the wings are gonna be made of shadow, which is what it says. being maia they have some level of shapeshifting so they’re nonfunctional imo despite references to their “winged speed” but they’re definitely there radical position: balrogs have wings. balrogs can fly. these two facts have absolutely nothing to do with each other
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Mar 25, 2022 03:49
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Barudak posted:Hobbit social media is just food pictures but without captions because half the audience can't read also lots of craigslist-y "left a mathom on the curb, come take it" posts
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Mar 28, 2022 02:52
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indigi posted:I always thought it would be fun if there was a one season tv show where Elijah Sean Billy and Dominic all lived in a small house together in LA and it was about how none of them could get any work after LotR cause they were all typecast now. like Elijah would get a commercial and the director would say “ok we want your character to really love this hemorrhoid cream, you have to look at it the way, say, Frodo would look at the ring” and he’d quit and the guys would be all upset cause rent was due so they had to do like Sean Bean’s kid’s birthday party as the hobbits cause they needed the money. also Christopher Lee was their landlord mark hamill guest-starring as the wise mentor in managing being typecast. daniel radcliffe comes to town and advises them to drop trou with a horse
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Mar 28, 2022 03:08
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SixFigureSandwich posted:Hold on isn't the whole point of a mathom that you want to keep it? nah. a mathom is something that you think has value, so you don't want to throw it away, but it doesn't have any value to you so you want to shove it off on somebody else whenever it's socially acceptable to do so
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Mar 28, 2022 16:15
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Cease to Hope posted:also who wrote the thread title, because the first chapter of FOTR is mainly about bilbo's passive-aggressive snipes at his neighbors lots of racist poo poo about dwarves on Nexthole during the opening chapters of the hobbit
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Apr 5, 2022 18:00
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smaller
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Apr 16, 2022 14:21
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keep punching joe posted:Sam might only desire a garden, but imagine Ringbearer Sam finding out that Ted Sandyman dug up Bagshot Row. He'd kick off. the dreaded lieutenant of the dark lord, fatty bolger
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Apr 27, 2022 14:28
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Barudak posted:Hobbits are just what you naturally get when you smoke weed all day. The reason their race dissappeared was the outlawing of the drug and the shire became a corporate headquarters for Westron Energy. and ol' sharkey? he's on the board
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Apr 29, 2022 04:53
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