Splizwarf posted:

Well, now I have a mental image of a house writhing down the street with a lovely giant chimney and various sections of different color shingles, the walls tilting steeply outward at the bottoms with first-floor windows three inches off the ground, and Hellaflush and shocker stickers all over an oversize leaky Ebay skylight being used as a picture window for the no-permits breakfast nook and garret installed off the upstairs half-bath. The V-TEC kicks in washing machine hits the spin cycle and of course it comes into the next turn way too hot. It rolls, throwing shattered MDF and Toblerone wrappers everywhere. What comes to rest in a neighbor's garden is just a two-story roll cage with an upside-down goonthrone suspended in the center from a torn four-point pleather harness. A helmet with a head in it drips slowly at the end of a HANS bolted to the headrest.

Charles Bukowski posted:

Goons evolve into scrunts in the future. Feck!

maffew buildings posted:

Reportedly Jimmy Stewart really, really loved to drop bombs on the enemy

Handsome Ralph posted:

February 1945. 18,000 feet over Hamburg, Germany.

"Bombadier to pilot, bombs away!"

"You're thinking of this all wrong. The bombs aren't here. The bombs are in Joesef's house...right next to Han's house. And in the Weiss house, and Mrs. Schultz's house, and a hundred others."

Obeah posted:

In the spring of 2017, I was at a Reddit meetup in Seattle and had an opportunity to meet The Guy Who Does the Hydraulic Press Videos on Youtube. He was extremely charming and confident, freely passing around his phone so that we could all watch previews of his upcoming (and premium) web series.

As the night went on, we eventually found ourselves alone at a corner booth in a skeevy bar we had all gone out to drink at. I had told him about my own personal passion for using large devices to crush random, everyday objects and had also told him I was working to save towards buying my own hydraulic press. I mentioned that I had been trying to find someone to guide and instruct me in the operation of one but to no avail. I was new to the community and had not yet met many people who could or would help me.

To be honest, I was a little buzzed. I had been served one and a half Sex on the Beaches (both of which The Guy Who Does the Hydraulic Press Videos on Youtube had ordered for me - a red flag, I know) and in that state, I think he was able to pick up on just how lonely and vulnerable I truly was.

He offered to take me over to his hotel room and let me try out his portable hydraulic press prototype. I was initially hesitant but relented as he assured me that his safety procedures were impeccable and that it would be a relaxing, chill experience. I remember very specifically, he kept saying "Crushing makes you feel good" over and over. It was very persuasive.

When we arrived at his hotel room, he immediately began plying me with CBD gummies and green tea. It was nauseating and disorienting, but I accepted them so as not to seem rude.

His "portable hydraulic press" was nothing more than a hammer with silver duct tape around the handle and a couple of caution stickers. This is when I began to realize something wasn't right.

I remember him calibrating the "hydraulic press" using several large, wooden cubes. He kept calling them his "cubies". It makes me sick to even think about it.

He then set up a camera and retrieved several VHS copies of The Sweet Hereafter, which is a good enough film not necessarily worthy of crushing. I told him this. Several times. I also told him that I was currently into watching another YouTube channel's VHS obliteration videos and that this felt weird. He didn't care.

He crushed them while I watched. Half drunk. Half delirious with a cocktail of CBD oil and caffeine. I felt like I couldn't breathe, couldn't move. I have never been more afraid or disgusted in my life.

If a hotel employee hadn't arrived to investigate the noise, I don't know what else he may have crushed or what else may have happened between us. I took an uber, something I really didn't have the money for, back to my own hotel and wept.

Seeing a video of him crushing a Furby and a block of Lego bricks a couple of weeks later, I decided I could no longer stay silent. I posted about our encounter and was banned from one subreddit after another. r/seattle, r/videos, r/letsnotmeet... all toxic environments looking to quiet the violated.

Reddit is a garbage place full of garbage people.

china bot posted:

Blind Rasputin posted:

Yanking our IVs doesn’t do anything. Many can get away yanking out a foley because the balloon is pretty flexible but it can cause tons of damage in older people. Young people when they go full rage they can yank a ton of poo poo out of them we install and just walk away. It’s honestly kinda nuts. I’ve had young guys who are in wrist restraints reach up with both feet and pull their intubation tube out like loving Jackie chan.

china bot posted:

Untrustable posted:

Is that a reference to "f-fingerblast that little turd."? Or am I missing the joke.

Dabir posted:

MisterBibs posted:

Not really what a kid said, but one of the kids I work with was very angry over something, in a way he could only express by saying "I AM ANGRY!". I figured it'd be a teaching moment, so I asked him what he should do when he's angry to make himself not so angry.

His response was to hunch over, spread his legs, and try and poo poo his goddamned pants.



I meant like 'count to ten' or 'think of something that makes you happy', kid. kee-rist.

quote:

MisterBibs

It's like poetry, it rhymes

Untrustable posted:

Is that a reference to "f-fingerblast that little turd."? Or am I missing the joke.

C-Euro posted:

If I may ask, who's ODB and how did he lose his life to the slums? Or did he just get banned?

Captain Log posted:

Being a British immigrant, my family is a bit ambivalent about the royals. But we made a lot of money selling things they basically farted upon. But I'll never forget what a big deal it was to my family when Diana crashed with the son of the Harrod's empire...Dodi Al'Fayed?

simplefish posted:

Yup. When the coroner did the body bags, it was Zippety Dodi, Zippety Di

Subjunctive posted:

Captain Log’s family sold human rights and dignity?

Solice Kirsk posted:

One of my friends is super hairy. Like he basically looks like an Irish gorilla. Well years ago he decided to shave his junk for a girlfriend and it may have been the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.

It looked like a dick clearing in an orange jungle.

Malachite_Dragon posted:

That's one way to reimagine the Lorax, I guess

Marta Velasquez posted:

This Ain't the Lorax: A XXX Parody

CzarChasm posted:

I am the Lorax, I shaved off my pubes.
Put some in the trash, flushed the rest down the tubes.

Went in with a razor, shaved my crotch bare,
For that is a spot, that shouldn't have hair.

Showed off to my girlfriend, her face full of shame,
Seems pretty unlikely that she'll do the same.

So now I sit lonely, dejected, forlorn,
Because of something I once saw in porn.

I do not enjoy the cool air on my sack.
At least I am sure, that it will grow back.

FactsAreUseless posted:

I don't think the Lorax would shave. He likes to keep it natural.

Pirate Radar posted:

His penis looks exactly like one of those trees, actually, it’s a long skinny shaft with hair at the wrong end.

FactsAreUseless posted:

I don't think the Lorax would shave. He likes to keep it natural.

Modus Pwnens posted:

My favorite part of each Columbo episode is when he looks like he's going to leave but he stops and says, "Oh, just one more thing," and then reaches down the front of his pants and cranks one out.

Kay Kessler posted:

Better without context:

Hemingway To Go! posted:

I follow the thread and still don't understand how it's even in context

goddamnedtwisto posted:

two guys i went to school with joined the royal marines, one of them once deliberately walked in front of a bus to get the day off school and the other reacted to being told that he had to wear a tie at all times at school by wrapping it around his cock and balls and walking naked across the playground

i'm assuming they both fit in fairly well

vodkat posted:

Hemingway To Go! posted:

I follow the thread and still don't understand how it's even in context

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

I thought Swery's game was just an adorable cat village detective thing did I miss something

Lunchmeat Larry posted:

I thought Swery's game was just an adorable cat village detective thing did I miss something

Yodzilla posted:

quote:

sweryconfirmed SWERY65[S] 193 points 1 day ago

In case people don't know about this idea: It was about a high school girl who masturbated and used that energy to help her solve mysteries.

I presented that idea to a lot of different publishers, (complete with a version that included Kinect controls!) but they were all afraid of it and didn't want to do it, so I might make it into a story.

Looks like we have our next Kickstarter campaign.