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Locker room etiquette:manyak posted:me (trying to act intimidatintg ) what the gently caress? Dude did I just catch you takeing a peeak at my loving johnson dude? The gently caress (i walk over and try to get in your personal space, my dick is hanging out as i walk over) Are you loving gay dude? You thought i wouldnt notice, you peaking over here out of the corner of your eye, seeing the outline of my dick? (i raise my fist like im about to SOCK you) (one thumb comes out of the fist, making it a "thumbs up" ) Nice dude haha
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# ? Nov 4, 2015 21:36 |
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# ? Jun 5, 2024 03:17 |
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SPACE HOMOS posted:LOL Did you know that 1 out of 4 forums posters are raped and don't report it to the nearest moderator?
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 04:58 |
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Tashan Dorrsett posted:My sister's boyfriend used to have a golden retriever named tucker who would jump up on the table and beg for hits whenever we would spark up a blunt but he had cancer so it was ok.
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 06:39 |
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Smythe posted:Awww a bloo bloo blooo little baby doesnt like being marketed to? little baby doesnt like ebing the demographic? well heres a newsflash: thats what being a Gamer feels like. Everywhere I turn it s HEY! GAMer! heres SOME MT DEW! andim like PLEASE, leave me alone. then I turn around and ITS DORITOS!! Im screaming now and cradling my head THE MASTER CHIEF NEEDS YOU TO SAVE THE HALO!! gently caress OFF!!! GO AWAY!!! Being a Gamer is Hell.
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 16:45 |
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The Golden Man posted:Me, slowly opening the door to my dads den: dad I bought Japanese blue jeans again because of my anxiety animal drums posted:my parents: Mike we've pooled together the family's money to send you to an extremely gay and stupid school, but only on the condition that you promise to do this for real and make money
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 18:51 |
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Some one post the homo for a mouth post please
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 18:54 |
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Sham bam bamina! has a new favorite as of 21:54 on Nov 5, 2015 |
# ? Nov 5, 2015 19:41 |
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I thought the original quote was from WET BUTT?
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 19:46 |
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Super Waffle posted:I thought the original quote was from WET BUTT? Guessing a name change happened at some point
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 20:15 |
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Ozz81 posted:Guessing a name change happened at some point No, they're quoting wet butts post.
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 20:49 |
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D'oh! It was the best I could turn up with Google, but I had a feeling that I was on the wrong track when I didn't see the sea of emptyquotes after it that I remembered. Sorry!
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 21:56 |
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WET BUTT posted:was i picked on in middle school? hmm let me think
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# ? Nov 5, 2015 22:27 |
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whoflungpoop posted:a redneck ISIS really many johnnys posted:Y'all Qaeda
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# ? Nov 6, 2015 06:20 |
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Moderators strutting around like they were wrestlers. Lots of -deep breaths-
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# ? Nov 6, 2015 13:06 |
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Machai posted:Dungbeetle, watching 2g1c: "Oh yeah!"
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# ? Nov 6, 2015 19:54 |
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reposting "classics" from last thread: mjqs jazz bar: quote:I came home this afternoon after picking up my copy of gta and I smelled something funny from my neighbors house. I went over there and the door was unlocked so I went right in. Sure enough there was my neighbor and two of his friends smoking to their hearts content. I told them they had two options, one- they could put the joints out or two- I would put the joints out for them. My neighbor had run ins with me before so he knew I meant business so he threw his joint down and told me to leave. I said you made a wise choice but I'm still calling the cops and then I turned to leave. My neighbor then got up off the couch got behind me and said a few cuss words and told me to mind my business. Well that did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "lets get high". I then front kicked him a good 8 feet in the air. Then his other friend came at me with the bong, I grabbed his arm, snapped it and then hit him in the stomach with the bong. His other friend ran into the kitchen so I went after him. He was in the corner crying so I said "this is your brain" and then I grabbed a frying pan and said "this is your brain on drugs" and then I hit him in the head as hard as I could with the frying pan. After that I called the cops and they came over and arrested my neighbor and his friends. As I was leaving the sarge shouted out to me thanks. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said " well you know sarge, perhaps if we build a freaking dunkin doughnuts on this street it would give you guys a excuse to ride up here once or twice a week and keep the crime down. I then threw my shades on the ground to let him know I meant business. I feel pretty good about what I did for my neighborhood today. ~mjq jazz bar quote:Me and one of my friends went out today for some dinner so we stopped at a pretty nice restaurant. I don't smoke and most of the time I sit in the non smoking section but I didn't feel like walking to the back of the restaurant today so me and my friend sat at the first table we came to in the smoking section. Since most ppl should be aware that I don't smoke I didn't think I would have any problems. I was wrong. This jerk lit up a cigarette right next to me. I couldn't belive this fat jerk was disrepecting me like this so I turned around and looked him right in the eye and said " you might want to put that out fag..........That is,if you value your health". The guy said a couple of cuss words and told me to go to the non smoking section. Well that did it. I got up went over to the table and said "excuse me fag but you didn't clean your plate", and then I took his plate and bashed him over the head with it. Then his friend that was with him got up and took a swing at me, I ducked it and then gave him a swift round kick to the ribs. I then hip tossed him on the table and then I turned around and looked one of the waiters right in the eye and said "this orders to go" and then I tossed the table with the guy on it a good 14 feet across the room. As me and my friend were storming out the manager apologized to us but I told him it was too late as I would never eat there again. ~mjq jazz bar quote:So, I was at work yesterday, and I happened to walk by this guy's desk. I noticed on his computer screen that he had his personal E-mails pulled up. I asked him who he thought he was to do this on company time, and then, he told me that his daughter was sick at home, so he was checking up on her. I then punched his cimputer screen out, and Look him straight in the eye and said, " Who do you think I am? Jerry Lewis? I dont want to hear your sob story, so get back to work before I get you fired." He then said a few cusswords, and then, then He tried to punch me, I blocked it, then , I gave him a swift, round kick to the groin. I asked him if he wanted some more, and he came at me, again, so, I slapped him, then I hip tossed him into the nearest filing cabinent. I looked Over my should at anther worker who was standing near by, and I said...." File him under G..... for garbage." Needless to say, I was quite pleased, because now, that means there one less person in the company for people to look at. All eyes should be on me. I'm a stud. ~ mjq jazz bar quote:Well, I walk in to buy some tissues, and at the counter, I hear the manager talking about some skateboard punks in the back by the garbage bins. The guy said he was about to have to call the cops. I told him there's no need to, I'll take care of it myself. So, I walked to the back of the store, and lo and behold, a couple of good for nothings were tearing the place up. A couple of them asked me what I was doing here, so I took of my shades, looked them straight in eye, and said, " Well boys, I'm here to take out the trash, then I grabed one of their skateboards, and broke it over my knee. Then, one of them threw a punch at me. I caught it, and looked thr punk straight in the eye, and said " I'm afraid theres no need for you to be recycled, then I threw him straight over my head into one of the garbage dumpsters. Then, the rest of the kids ran away in fear. I was glad I could help my community, and look good doing it. ~mjq jazz bar quote:Around the corner from my weight training job they have a cafe where they make pretty good cheeseburgers. Usually I get mine with mushrooms and onions. Well today I went in there and there was this stoner bitch in there with enormous dreadlocks and a nose ring which is a violation of the safety code. I said 'Where is the regular chef' and she said 'I don't know' very rudely to me and that's when I noticed she had not sauteed up any onions for my burger. I said "you need to learn some customer service" and then she said some cuss words to me and told me maybe I should go to Burger King. But I like to support local businesses so I looked her straight in the eye and said "the customer is always right" and grabbed her by the dreads and slammed her face onto the skillet. She screamed and then the manager came running at me with a chopping knife so I looked him straight in the eye and said "chop this" and karate chopped his wrist and broke it immediately. I picked the girl up off of the floor and said "you are what you eat" and poured the boiling grease off of the fryer into her mouth. I was glad that I could set an example of what a good citizen should do in this situation, and everyone in the cafe applauded me. ~mjq jazz bar quote:Me and my friend went to fill up my corvette last night and there were these two punks there sitting on the sidewalk of the gas station with their radio blasting. I was trying to think as I pumped gas but their radio made that hard to do. I was not pleased. So I went in and payed for the gas and then I went up to the two punks outside. I said excuse me but I think you need to turn your radio down. They told me to chill, they were just hanging out and having a few smokes. I then looked them in the eye and said " I'm afraid this is the no smoking section boys" and then I kicked their radio up against the side of the gas station. Then one of them stood up and took a swing at me, I ducked it and then gave him a round kick to the stomach. Then the other one took what was left of the radio and threw it at me, I blocked it with my left hand which caused it to go sailing back and knock him out. Then a middle aged man which looked to be in his 50's came up and asked what was going on. I wasn't sure if he was with me or against me so I assumed he was against me, I then gave him a swift front kick to the groin and hip tossed him on top of the other guys there. I then walked back to my car where my friend just stood there in awe, I asked him why he didn't help me and he said it looked like I had things under control. I slapped him and pushed him to the ground and told him to walk home. I then got in my corvette turned up the radio to full blast and much to my suprise welcome to the jungle was playing. I then sped off with that song playing full blast. I felt pretty good about standing up for my rights and I looked good doing it. ~mjq jazz bar quote:It was a nice day today so I went for a walk out side. As I was walking, I heard somebody crying out in pain so I went to investigate, when I turned the corner I saw a kid that had fallen off his bike and he was grabbing his leg and crying. There was this guy already there and he told me that he was a doctor and he thought this kid had a broken leg. I could tell this guy was lying because he didn't have any white coat, I don't like liars so I pushed him out of the way. My training in medical school showed me that I had to get the kid's leg straight again, so I started pounding his knee to get the bone straight again. Thats when the guy that claimed to be a "doctor" called me a moron and pushed me out of the way. Well that did it. I got up, took my shades off, looked him straight in the eye and said " open wide doc" and then I gave him a swift kick to the mouth. I then grabbed him and said "time to make a house call " and then I threw him through a window of a near by house. The kid stopped crying then, I guess my pounding earlier worked. I told the kid not to thank me but I did need 20 dollars for my time. He only had 14 so I took his bike as well. I feel pretty good about fixing the kid's leg. ~mjw jazz bar quote:So I was sitting in the back corner of eat ‘n park a restaurant in the northeastern region and I hear this group of punk kids terrorizing their waitress, and I stumble over there and ask the beautiful lady what the problem seems to be. The kids being the adept punks they are give her a glare that tells her not to talk or else therell be problems but I know better than this and I tell them that if they don’t apologize to this beautiful belle theyre going to have to answer to me. I pull my shades out of my back pocket, slip a comb through my wet hair, and tell them they have 10 seconds to apologize. The leader of the gang a chubby kid tells me to get loss and then throws the peg game on his table at my face. “I pegged you as the wise sort, and I don’t play games!” says I, and I grab a tonfa from the cop sitting at the table next to them and tell them today’s special, punks served sunny side up, with a side of hollandaise. I crack the tonfa over two punk heads, do a roundkick, and then hiptoss the runt of the crew into the pie fridge. “Creamed or Key Limed? ” I ask the cop as he slips me a fiver and gives me a back high five. He tells me Ive done a good job as a citizen, and I kiss the beautiful waitress on the cheek, run my comb through my hair once more and leave the restaurant on my harley. ~mjq jazz bar quote:I was in town with one of my girlfriends today, and I decided to play one of those scratch off games again, I was very suprised when I won 1 million dollars on the spot, this was like the second time I won the lottery. I was about to claim my prize but then I thought to myself I'm already rich why not have some fun with this one? I told my girlfriend I was tired of her already so I left her at the gas station and went to find me some poor suckers. What better place than wal mart? I went up and down the asles until I found a bad dressed man and wife along with their kid. I went up to the guy and showed the guy the ticket, and told him since I didnt need the money I was going to give it to him and his family, when he started to tear up I tore up the ticket and threw the pieces on the ground. I then started to walk away but this spinless punk then took a swing at me when my back was turned. That did it. I turned around, took off my shades, looked him straight in the eye and said "feeling lucky". I then gave him a swift kick in the ribs and threw him into the pet section, I then caught a wal mart guy coming at me so I took a knife out of my jacket and threw it toward a chain holding up a sign, I then looked at the guy and said "watch out for falling prices" and then the sign fell on him and knocked him out. I left the store but not before I complained to the manager about the kind of people they let in there. ~mjq jazz bar quote:So, I bought a couple of dvds off some web site a few weeks ago and I was pretty upset they haven't come in the mail already. So today I stuck around the house until the mailman came, he brought me a package but it wasn't the dvds I was waiting for. I asked him what the problem was and he told me that he had no control over when the company sends me the dvds. He said I should try to contact them. That did it. I couldn't belive this guy, I pay my taxes and this guy thinks he has the right to sass me in front of my euro mansion, in my freaking driveway? I lifted up my shades, took the cigar out of my mouth, looked him straight in the eye and said " I'm afraid this package is marked return to sender", and then I threw the package in the air and sidekicked the package right into the guys face causing teeth to go everywhere. I then saw one of my ederly neighbors walking toward me so I assumed he wanted trouble as well so I gave him a swift round kick to the ribs, I then looked at him and said "time to take out the garbage" and hip tossed him into the garbage can. I then picked up the crying mailman and threw him into the garbage can, after I had my "garbage collected", I picked up the garbage can and said "let the good times roll" and threw the garbage can down the hill. I didn't see those two guys again but I don't really care, I took the mailbag and threw it in my fireplace since it was a little chilly here today.
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# ? Nov 6, 2015 20:09 |
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whoflungpoop posted:My grandparents had a trunk full of the letters they exchanged while my grandfather was fighting in north africa and sicily in WWII.
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# ? Nov 6, 2015 20:09 |
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Quixotic posted:"feminism?!" newsmonster kramers in the door and just keeps kramering, sliding off around the room, bouncing against walls. he kramers against your toilet, busting it up big time. you get the feeling he's trying to say something to you but he's kramering at such a high velocity you just can't quite make it out. as he finally nails a window and falls out you think you hear him exclaim "I'm a feminist, that's what's so CRAZY about this" on the way down
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# ? Nov 6, 2015 20:09 |
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JohnathonSpectre's Golden Corral stories:quote:Why all the Golden Corral hate? Golden Corral is honestly better than a loving movie. quote:OK, so, as promised, the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL. quote:So. Babies at Golden Corral.
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# ? Nov 6, 2015 20:11 |
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Here's another oft-requested quote. No idea who originally posted it, though. On conservatives/libertarians: quote:This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US department of energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the national weather service of the national oceanographic and atmospheric administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built, and launched by the national aeronautics and space administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US department of agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the food and drug administration.
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# ? Nov 7, 2015 03:45 |
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I never get tired of those Golden Corral stories, their entertainment value is timeless
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# ? Nov 7, 2015 04:47 |
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Another amazing Triticum Guzzler post.Triticum Guzzler posted:its really amazing how the actions of goons and mods are so freaking far beyond the pale that its actually impossible for a bystander to believe. Vincent Van Goatse has a new favorite as of 10:18 on Aug 14, 2020 |
# ? Nov 7, 2015 17:24 |
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Your Gay Uncle posted:Once when I was around 8 or 9 I was hanging out with my cousin at a park. We went back to his place and smelled something terrible. We tracked the smell down to his room and found that his beloved Guinea Pig Marbles had died. We were both very sad and decided he should be cremated like they had done with Grandpa. That way we could could save his ashes in a Batman cup and leave them on the mantle.
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 00:27 |
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That's outstanding.
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 00:43 |
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PCOS Bill posted:Why would anyone jizz on haggis titties posted:they needed to get in them guts
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 06:16 |
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adaptive systems posted:My father’s mother recently died, in her late nineties, after two solid decades of fervent, daily, devoutly Catholic prayer for release from her increasingly humiliatingly decrepit body. I remember sitting with her in the dead of winter, in a lovely seafood restaurant, a few miles from the Atlantic. It wasn’t too long before her mind went, and almost as if she knew she didn’t have much time, she talked hurriedly, pausing only to sip her mineral water, and then returning to all the wondrous things she had the great good fortune to witness, from hearing the news that Peary had made it to the North pole, to actually seeing the Spirit of Saint Louis in person. Might as well link the source for you guys while I'm at it.
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 09:05 |
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Someone post the thing about Rush Limbaugh being vaccinated after minions with gold chains drag him before Obama, after which Obama decides it's time for him and a group of terrorist leaders to have a conversation. I can't find it on Google.
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 10:00 |
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FreudianSlippers posted:
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 10:59 |
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Skeesix posted:Someone post the thing about Rush Limbaugh being vaccinated after minions with gold chains drag him before Obama, after which Obama decides it's time for him and a group of terrorist leaders to have a conversation. I can't find it on Google. King Hussein Obama I, flanked by his bodyguards, stepped out of his blinged Limoscalade and marched up the gold-lined marble steps of Washington Palace. It should have been a glorious day, yet under his heavy yet exquisite crown of carved human fetus-ivory his brow was ridged deeply as he silently brooded. Still, his posse, boomboxes on their shoulders, dance-walked up the steps, chains and gats jangling over the din as they grabbed their crotches. As his trusted associates T-Von and Mook-Mook the Bushman pushed open the grand organic farm-grown cruelty-free redwood doors paid for by his 95% tax rate, he stepped into the antechamber of the gold-domed palace. Outside, ShariaVentalism reigned, but in here his word was law, and all his white teen sex slaves cowered before his glare more than even the hemp whips of their latte-drinking tweeded atheist masters. He walked down the hallway toward his office and a prisoner in chains passed before him, lead by two turban-wearing Mexicans. He spotted the King and began shouting curses. "You loving fascist! I knew it! I knew it! I told them, but they wouldn't listen, that your health care platform was a slippery slope to all this! You won't get away with this! The will of the Free Market will not be denied!" "Seelenceo een the prezence of the Keeng, preesoner!" King Obama spotted a chance to improve his ill mood. "Bring him here. Good. Give me his file." The king looked over the prisoner's dossier. A long list of crimes against the state, and a repeat offender. "You'll never get away with this! Never!" "Hush now, Mr. Jack. We have ways of dealing with unruly sorts such as yourself." "Praise be to Allah, seenyor." "Peh! I spit at your torture! The Free Market gives me strength!" "Oh, no, not anything as gauche as torture." The King grabbed a syringe from the outstretched hand of one of his nearby breakdancing bodyguards, and plunged it into the man's helpless neck. "Now you are immune to rubella." Kyle's lingering, echoing screams of tormented horror brought a slight smile like a crack in Obama's stony brown face as he walked into his lavish velvet-lined office and shut the door behind him. He motioned for his bodyguards to leave the room, and he addressed the giant screens hanging over his desk. "Screen one on. Connect to Emperor bin Laden of Eurabia. Screen two: Hugo Chavez of the U.S.S.A.R.. Screen three: The High Elder of Zion." The three figures appeared live via satelite. "Gentlemen," began Obama darkly, "it's time to have...a conversation."
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 16:47 |
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Weekend Bridges posted:[Rushing into room, panting, out of breath, sweating] Who wants to see my dick? im full of poo poo posted:[bursting into the room a few seconds later, equally exhausted and sweaty] you gotta see this guy's dick
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 19:39 |
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Petite Dinklage posted:Someone buy me an Audi for Christmas Soothing Vapors posted:ill give u audiz nuts Petite Dinklage posted:Your nuts are much like an Audi diesel in that they are both being investigated for toxic emissions
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# ? Nov 8, 2015 21:31 |
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Jesus Christ posted:
Volume posted:this but with my dick pic origami posted:Presumptuous to assume future generations will have microscopes.
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# ? Nov 9, 2015 03:55 |
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CannonFodder posted:Limoscalade
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# ? Nov 9, 2015 04:56 |
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Adventure Pigeon posted:I wish these people would take a moment to try to understand the squatstika, and its importance in the long and disadvantaged history of my people, the poop nazis
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# ? Nov 9, 2015 06:59 |
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JediTalentAgent posted:I prefer to think of the party by their full name: Nationanal Socialshits.
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# ? Nov 9, 2015 07:54 |
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Improbable Lobster posted:i'd be a cyborg as long as my robot legs or whatever didn't have drm or firmware patches SmokaDustbowl posted:don't be stupid dude, it'd be like wearing glasses. you could have bombass leg designs Trig Discipline posted:yeah but your loving insurance only covers like 1/4 the cost of the designer legs and the off brand ones make you look like an idiot Trig Discipline posted:MOM I CAN'T WEAR THESE LEGS TO SCHOOL NOBODY WEARS RUDE DOG LEGS ANY MORE Trig Discipline posted:honey i understand, but we just don't have money for expensive legs that are just going to go out of style again in six months. if you want to get a job yourself you can buy all the legs you want, but if you keep behaving like this we're not going to let you have any legs at all Trig Discipline posted:and then poo poo gets more and more trendy and designery until they don't even work as legs any more and from the waist down the really fashionable people are just an onyx plinth that says feets by dre in small letters on the side and the fashionable people have to have a less fashionable person to move them from street corner to street corner where they will wait to be noticed while pretending to talk on their cell phones
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# ? Nov 9, 2015 10:42 |
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Feets by dre
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# ? Nov 9, 2015 12:48 |
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Chard posted:*camera zooms in real close to my poo poo-coverd face* "OH BOY, HERE WE GO AGAIN" *laugh track plays for ten minutes while I hold your gaze, adder-like*
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# ? Nov 10, 2015 00:05 |
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Another classic:quote:You have to remember that tropers essentially engage in cargo cult literature, where they can recognise the components of a story, but not how they interlock and work. Which is why you see story descriptions that have the names of tropes liberally peppered through them as if a story is nothing but a collection of clichés put together into a cohesive mass of horribleness.
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# ? Nov 10, 2015 07:51 |
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# ? Jun 5, 2024 03:17 |
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Beast of Bourbon posted:sfbay goons, come meet esteban from dec 1 - dec 16th then we're moving. Portals posted:if I weren't concerned about being murdered by internet strangers I'd take you up on this Roosevelt posted:the notorious cat poster murderer yes seems likely Base Emitter posted:cat food aint cheap man
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# ? Nov 10, 2015 08:39 |