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Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Skyl3lazer posted:

So I pledged 30$ in 2012 for a cool looking spaceship game what the gently caress happened

I want to say it was Uncle Derek opened my eyes, but really it was dickwulf who saved me from a bad purchase. Thanks dickwulf for all the insanity. :)

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Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Lastgirl posted:

no loving way, get that poo poo outta my face eonwe

that cannot be real :cripes:

i could buy a car with that and itd be real

And you could sell that car 5 years down the line.

40 thousand for a game. That's another Pictures for Sad Children mess (http://www.comicbookresources.com/?page=article&id=51375) waiting to happen. Except instead of books being burned, it's gonna be that guy.



Pictured: Depressed Star Citizens.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien



If Squadron 42 was set in the 80's, this would still be a terrible song.

Take heed CIG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsOrCq811r8

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


MrDorf posted:

Good luck. I'm on week 3 post "refund granted" with no paypal activity.

Did you threaten chargeback? I got my refund the day of.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Hey redditors. If you buy me premium on SA, I'll tell you all this forums secrets. :smuggo:

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Hey Reddit, delete this:



No seriously. I'm embarrassed that I made it.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien




Pictured: Redditor defending Star Shitizen, while making GBS threads on Elite.

But how can anyone call a game lovely while simulatenously spending 100 hours on it? I have never spent that much time on any game, much less a game I hate!

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Eonwe posted:

im goku and im going to channel all the frustration about star citizen in the universe into a spirit bomb to power the something awful dot com servers

wish me luck

You forgot to tell us to raise our hands to help you. Here:

......................//)
....................,/../
.................../..../
.............//'...'/`
........../'/.../..../......./\
........('(.......... ~/'...')
.........\.................'...../
..........''...\.......... _.
............\..............(
..............\.............\...

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


I got a pretty great avatar, no need to change it reddit. :) But if you want to buy me platinum, go ahead! :)

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


[8 hours have passed since Ricky denied his familial ties to Smart, just before the last thread collapsed]

RICKY SMART
I never told you the truth about myself.

DEREK SMART
You told me enough! You told me you were my nephew! Then, you said you lied!

RICKY SMART
Because, I am your son.

[Shocked, Derek looks at Ricky in utter disbelief.]

DEREK SMART
No. No. That's not true! That's impossible!

RICKY SMART
Search your tin foil. You know it to be true.

DEREK SMART
NO! NO. No... I'LL LITIGATE YOU!

RICKY SMART
Father. You can destroy the Chairman. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny. Let me join you, and together we can rule the 'verse as father and son. Let me come with you. It is the only way.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Goons might be good at shitposting, but redditors are great at posting poo poo! :smuggo:

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


SirPhoebos posted:

:byodood: B-B-BUT WHAT IF THE LAW IS UNJUST!!1! #jpeglivesmatter

Hello, it is I, Dr. Ricky Smart esq., here to answer your questions after a long period of absence.

The law in fact enables CIG's seemingly unlawful tax canoodling under the tax canoodling act of 1883, an act that originated from conservative anglo-saxons in European congress attempting to emulate the famous economist Lorde Jesus's action to redistribute the wealth of the rich to all including the poor. Economist Jesus did not take from the poor, instead giving more unto them. Thus CIG's choice to canoodle with their tax money, instead of letting it go, is completely okay because they are nearly bankrupt, and lorde knows that Christ Roberts needs that dough.

Regarding You Fondly,
Dr. Ricky Smart, esq.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


jaegerx posted:

E: also please check out my new internet radio station. It's called "I don't have a clue"



Edit: For anyone that wants this in avatar form (or wants to buy it for me! :gary:)

Ravane fucked around with this message at 04:49 on Nov 2, 2015

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


I just realized.... Yughioh cards are also jpgs!!! Why didn't anyone tell me? Now I know the appeal of Star Citizen! :nixon:

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


no_recall posted:

Yugi-oh is a real game. Star Citizen only exists in your head.

:wtchris:

I printed out a blue eyes white constellation and an Aurora the Destroyer Tormenter. So I guess your point is invalid. :smuggo:

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


This is a video of a redditor watching some dude watch the nyan cat video for ten hours: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLdxIvyWY2k

I have a job and a life, but even if I was immortal, I wouldn't waste my time doing this.

#Reddiot

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


D_Smart posted:

Not really. Sandi didn't discover a diploma. She discovered a letter supposedly from a Dean.

I actually got my letter of rec from the dean of a med school (worked with him in undergrad research). I have it framed on my wall, because getting a letter of rec from the dean of a top ten college is a fantastic achievement (not one to bury away under garbage); also, it's one of the reasons I'm in my PhD program. Of course, the main reason is that you are my dad, Derek Smart. :allears:

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


CrazyTolradi posted:

UniSA is hardly a top ten college, take it from someone who went there. Maybe if it was the University of Adelaide, sure, it's at least one of the Group of 8 over here but UniSA is basically a dressed up technical college with more funding.

But I got my degree in shitposting signed by LowTax himself! I'm certified, by the best!

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Mithranderp posted:

I'm reading Harry Potter in French; does that qualify me to run the marketing department of a game publisher?

Je m'appelle Tom Elvis Jedusor... JE SUIS VOLDEMORT!!!! :chanpop:

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


D_Smart posted:

This is Roger Windle on p20. He had nothing to do with marketing programs at UNISA. And he seems to have fallen off the face of the Earth. We think he may have passed away.

I made a few tweets that we were looking into it. And we did.

Neither my contacts in Australia, nor our researchers here in the US were able to find ANY records of her ever attending UNISA. As in ever.

And shortly after my Tweets, when they found out we were looking into that too, sure enough, the 3rd LinkedIn profile with the UNISA college, links to its Alma Mater etc is now gone too. That's three LinkedIn profiles removed as a result of what I've been looking into.

These are the people we gave $90m to. And somehow, this is all OK.

I thought you guys were making a joke about UniSA. I thought the joke was university of Something Awful. I had no idea it was a real university.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Guys, watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mq785nJ0FXQ

It sounds exactly like Star Shitizen.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


I ventured into the rest of reddit today. In the first thread I found this delightful comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/worldnews/comments/3t3w70/the_dalai_lama_on_terrorist_attacks_we_cannot/cx30fvl

Hope Reddit's mods realize they have a potential serial killer commenting. Guy is one school bully short of going Columbine.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


How do you spend 52k on Star Citizen? It's simple.


Your homey CR in position, in the kitchen with soda.
I just whipped up a watch, tryin' to get me Omega
Tryin' to stretch out the pants, Sumo wrestler, yessir
Keep the Heckler close, you know them goons'll test ya
But like, fifty-two kay when I'm, I'm through dealin'
Now fifty-two ships come out, now you feel 'em
Now, fifty-two cars roll out, remove ceiling
In case fifty-two broads come out, now you chillin'
With a boss bitch of course S.C. on the sleeve
At the 40/40 club, RtV on the screen
I paid a bunch for the jeans, extra wide, it is clean
No chrome on the wheels, I'm a grown-up for real.

- Fat Jay-Z, Dirt of Your Second Chin

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Ravane posted:

How do you spend 52k on Star Citizen? It's simple.


Your homey CR in position, in the kitchen with soda.
I just whipped up a watch, tryin' to get me Omega
Tryin' to stretch out the pants, Sumo wrestler, yessir
Keep the Heckler close, you know them goons'll test ya
But like, fifty-two kay when I'm, I'm through dealin'
Now fifty-two ships come out, now you feel 'em
Now, fifty-two cars roll out, remove ceiling
In case fifty-two broads come out, now you chillin'
With a boss bitch of course S.C. on the sleeve
At the 40/40 club, RtV on the screen
I paid a bunch for the jeans, extra wide, it is clean
No chrome on the wheels, I'm a grown-up for real.

- Fat Jay-Z, Dirt of Your Second Chin

I don't know if anyone noticed, but I really liked this Mustang Omega/Omega watch double entendre. I thought it was pretty clever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz_-VaTHpc8

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


You know that feeling, as a man, of post-coital apathy where you just don't care when you're done? Now that I've been refunded, I feel that same way towards Star Citizen. I just don't care, drama or otherwise.

Thanks for the many night stand Star Citizen.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Iron Tusk posted:

Does the DickWulf have any IRL friends that he didn't buy?

https://twitter.com/CaptainZyloh/status/668895051733336064

I'm at least 40 percent sure that his wife was a mail-order bride.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


I have an idea for a mobile phone app. I'm calling it Candy Cruiser: JPEG Saga. There's no actual gameplay and I haven't coded anything yet (I only know verilog), but if you pay early for this limited edition JPG



I can pay for some android api lessons and release a great game with multiplayer functionality and novel dazzling gameplay. This is a revolutionary game, created by the nephew of one of your favorite game devs: Derek Smart. That's how you know it'll be quality. Also, I am going to get famous voice actor Daniel Radcliffe, famous for Wilfred and Broken Age, to narrate this arcade style game. If you kickstart now, maybe I'll put in a clause for refunding you later!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/570152373/giant-flying-glitter-boobies-come-in-and-create?ref=nav_search

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erwM2Mdi9E4

quote:

It looks so good! *clips through doors and clips out of ship*

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Space Trader: Merchant Marine is still a better, more full featured game than Star Citizen will ever be.

Also this game:





Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien



MeLKoR posted:

That looks fun, what's it called?

Clustertruck. It's greenlit on steam right now, but it's not out yet.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Happy Thanksgiving eve Star Shitizens! Here's what we can expect in the coming months: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUCUsNx1HTs

Just replace dad with Christ Roberts.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Sarsapariller posted:

There's no way to navigate for Quantum travel except by known reference points- you move too fast and everything's too blurred for you to be able to, say, supercruise around a system like you would in Elite.

First off, nice post. Second, there's a video where a guy travels via quantum and a bug causes his camera to be left behind where you end up seeing the ship literally disappear. Then, only when it reappears does the camera reset back into place. My understanding from that video is that you're not actually travelling fast, you're sort of just teleporting with a minor loading screen in between.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien



I'm glad they made a design choice to accommodate lazy disabled psychics in their character selection.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


DreadLlama posted:

Don't you understand? I need you to post. I need to fight you. I have to fight. Please post and let me fight you. Please post. Please. Octopode. Please post.

Star Citizen is going to be the greatest game ever. Just looking at alpha 2.0 and the tremendous accomplishments they've been able to make in terms of expanding the map to include a planet and having dynamic missions involving pirates, instead of just vanduul, , as well as being able to spawn whatever ship you have onto a deck and then patiently waiting to exit the station to grab your ship before someone steals it GTA style! It's just like GTA in space, in fact. You can steal ships and shoot people, and it has missions, it's like Rockstar made GTA VI, and they just haven't told us they're actually CIG.

The only thing that could make Star Citizen better is better choice of music. That squadron 42 song that was leaked was awful (my only complaint). I hope they have a radio like Fallout or if we could insert our own music like Eurotruck simulator, because I'd be listening to folk rock (like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtKyLSiVChs) the entire time I'm piloting my fleet of constellations managed by my extended family and online friends

Edit: oops, posted in my umbrella account. Which is also a reference to Resident Evil, by the way, which Star Citizen reminds me of, in terms of excellent dialogue, plot, and voice acting...

Edit2: mixed up umbrella and parachute, oopsies.

Ravane fucked around with this message at 07:59 on Nov 28, 2015

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


Sarsapariller posted:

Plot
So far the plot of Star Citizen has been absolutely thrilling. The tale of a failed game designer and his return to glory- but has he reached too high? Will he be brought low by doubters, or friends, or his own hubris? It has everything- heroes, mustache-twirling villains, fat pitiable sidekicks, friends gained and lost, good actors, bad actresses, amazing lows, middling highs, and everything in between. And it's not even done! At some point, word is that the game will actually be released and then we'll supposedly be able to play it! What a crazy tie-in. Best of all, it releases on multiple channels several times per week, so there's always some new twist. It's like the world's best alternate reality game.

Races
Just caucasian male, ages 15-45 right now. It's part of the story, you'll see.

Player Progression
Really one of my favorite parts of the story. To truly get invested in Star Citizen you have to put in real money. Suddenly it matters a whole lot more whether he succeeds or fails! It's a brilliant twist to really suck you into the world of Roberts and it adds a lot of tension to the plot, even the parts that might drag on. Naturally as you invest more, you become more and more involved in the story. Some of the really deep players have actually made guest appearances in the special live shows that they've done. I've never seen player progression done like this- I'm curious what they will do for the endgame content. I'm guessing that some of the show regulars will turn evil and have to be farmed for loot, aka the Blizzard model.

Why Star Citizen?
Other games offer you lovely boring gameplay and try to extract cash from you with wishy-washy power creep that quickly gets rolled back. Star Citizen goes in a bold new direction- it doesn't offer you any gameplay at all, possibly ever. It is 100% cinematic, just a man and his crumbling game development empire all the time. And there's no wishy-washy about the power creep here- they absolutely own it. The more you spend, the more important you are- no matter what kind of shitbag you might be! It was one of my favorite early episodes when they chose to honor one of the biggest backers with a front-page post right in the middle of his sexual harassment scandal. Riveting, just riveting. You'll never find that in War Thunder.

This game actually sounds fascinating. I think I could sell it as a mobile app. Do you think I could hire Sandi to motion capture 8-bit pixeled npcs?

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


I know nothing about computers besides microsoft word and adobe reader. Anyway, why can't Christ "MMO - Mo Money 0 Problems" Roberts do instancing the same way Elite or Dark Souls does it. Those games don't require MMO framework, and I've never had lag on dark souls. I thought that's what they were originally doing, doesn't seem like that's the case any more given how many people are playing at the same time.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


G0RF posted:

Former CIG Employee Alyssa Delhotal appears on INN's "Beefcast".

I have to assume there's no Star Citizen discussion but I'm listening to it in the background. I'm just really surprised Alyssa wouldn't be persona not grata at this point with pro-tier Star Citizen propagandists. I wonder if Sandi will punish them for their consorting with the enemy?



"Dolvak charms by recounting a make-out scene between a 13 year old human girl and Sonic the Hedgehog in a Sonic game."

Dolvak's voice is more pathetic than I thought it was. Like, it feels like his chubby face is actually impeding his ability to speak.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


trucutru posted:

What the hell? If you haven't been backstabbed by someone 5 meters in front of you in Dark Souls I doubt you have been playing multiplayer.

I only recently picked up Dark Souls. I lost against the first three guys who invaded me. But then I beat the next three guys because as soon as I saw the "You have been invaded" text, I ran to the closest cramped area because I can't dodge for poo poo, and if I can force the opponent to not be able to dodge roll either, I actually have a chance at winning. In all six of those fights, I haven't once experienced lag, even when I'm summoned or summoning. I have a pretty great connection though.

Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


trucutru posted:

Ah, a six-fight veteran. I wonder why people even bothered coining the term lagstab for the game since it isn't laggy. :iiam:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbqKojfohgs

Hey hey, my anecdotal evidence is real to me. Don't you go on disputing it with your recorded videos. :)

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Ravane
Oct 23, 2010

by LadyAmbien


I'm gonna put a space opera twist on this latest phrase:

Go frack yourself, Karl! :smuggo:

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