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  • Locked thread
RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Full sexual communism now. I'm tired of the 1% hoarding all the vaginas while the noble bearded internet Marxist works his fingers to the bone posting and then has to settle for masturbating to that one time he saw his sisters friend's boob by accident.

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RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Gaunab posted:

What about nice gals?

They don't exist because all women are fundamentally evil hell demons who should be locked in a submarine and sank to the bottom of the sea.

Source: I'm a nice guy.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



I'm checking out all the women in this thread right now.

Or at very least all the dudes with long hair who kinda look like women from behind.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Pick posted:

Well even then, if we knew, what are we supposed to do? Just start stripping right there? That's really awkward for us if the guy wasn't actually interested. It's not like I haven't made an rear end out of myself assuming someone wanted sex and then offering it and having them instead be like "aaaa" and leaving me to fast and buy more lipstick colors

Just pretend to be really loving drunk and accidentally pop a nipple out. If the guy tells you, he's not dtf, if he keeps trying to talk to you about absolutely nothing at all so he can check out your nipple he is dtf and you can just start stripping right there.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



To be fair in tyool 2016 you're probably going to be expected to put so much stuff up your rear end in the bedroom that rejection is actually less embarrassing than if they say yes and you end up in ER with a 1/12 size power ranger in both holes.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Pick posted:

this is sort of true, I blame the debauchery treadmill

I've never used that one. After the sex swings I just kinda said no to anything in the bedroom larger than a snorkel.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Pick posted:

it's a Legitimate Concern among women I know that he's going to whip out the old "what if we--" and it's going to be something he saw in internet porn and it's going to be a bad time. It's going to turn out he saw some sort of enema videos or whatever and you're going to have to sit around making butt stew while folding laundry, and in the meantime he saw that finnish crusher video with the doll or whatever and gently suggests that while you squirt brown water out of your Gulf Coast starfish that you might also do the splits and sing "Barbie Girl" and you're like je-sus christ what a loving hassle

If they do this, just say you've always wanted to see a dude choke himself with a belt in wardrobe to the point of unconsciousness while jerking off and then go home and watch Netflix or something.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



i like that posted:

Being 'nice' in itself isn't sexually attractive. Men are so dumb lol

When finding a sex partner the #1 most important question is "how likely is this person to show up at my house 3 days later and start singing through the letterbox"

"Are they nice" is number 764

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Pick posted:

my fetish is getting my genitalia stimulated and i'm not even that fussy about how it's done so when this one girl i dated (an Ashley, do not, and i repeat, do NOT date ashleys) wanted to pierce my ears, in bed, in a sexual way, i was like, woah, that's a novel place to get an infection while loving someone. but also please do not do that, that sounds like a Bad Time

This is a good example of the difference between sexy crazy and crazy crazy. The difference is basically that with sexy crazy they're rubbing your genitals at the same time so you temporarily forget that they're nuts.

Sexual ear piercing is just crazy crazy.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



The worst nice guys are the ones who are "completely platonic" friends with a girl and then when you've been spending all night having fun and it looks like you might be getting lucky the nice guy suddenly decides to drop the "I've always loved you" bomb and suddenly they're all crying and you're immersed in "other people's drama" and she won't let you leave because "you did nothing wrong" and suddenly you're having sex while the dude is crying in the hallway.

gently caress those guys.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Dinosaurmageddon posted:

Some girls won't even 'give it up' until the L-word's been spoken

The L-word is lesbian three way right?

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



This thread has put me off sex

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Picnic Princess posted:

It's almost as if human beings in general are terrible.

This should be in some kind of faq at the top of GBS

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Funky See Funky Do posted:

Most of the people I know are really nice and I enjoy spending time with them.

You sound like a nice guy and probably should get help before you die alone

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



ElGroucho posted:

It's probably a piece of cake that is going to give you the shits later and then gently caress your best friend, but yes, only listen to your heart

Never listen to Dads. My Dad is "getting back out there" after being widowed after 30+ years of marriage and he's basically a 65 year old nice guy.

I keep having to tell him to stop being such a goddamn beta bitch, it's terrible he has literally no loving idea what he's doing, and women in their sixties are seemingly way worse than their 20 year old counterparts because most of them are bitter divorcees.

I'm glad he never tried to give me dating advice.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Gaunab posted:

Yeah, that's a crucial piece of information that's missing from that picture

Maybe the Dad knows the girl is the type of sad brains who would get really turned on by loving her bfs dad.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Just give men mandatory "penis haver counseling" where we can all get together and talk about how much it sucks to just repeatedly want to put your dick in things, and then either come up with novel ways to control our sex drives or just devolve into a massive JO session.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



romanowski posted:

what is sex like?

what is it like to have sex, with a woman?

It's like constant debasement combined with moderate physical exercise culminating in a wave of guilt or disappointment and possibly terror

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



dog buttz posted:

My wife's high school friend messaged her a few months before our wedding and told her that he had loved her since their sophomore year in high school. He wsn't angry or anything but did say he wishes he had told her when she was single so she would have picked him which pissed her off so she said she wished he would have told her too so she could have said no then.

You'd be surprised how easy it is to piss off someone about to get married by insinuating that you wish they had never met their fiancé. Or maybe you wouldn't.

The same thing happened to me when my coworker who'd introduced me to my wife flipped out and contacted us on Facebook 3 years later and said I'd stolen his life because my wife had made him a sandwich at 3am after they went to a concert the weekend before we met so he said she had led him on and she should have ended up with him.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Moridin920 posted:

i broke up with a girl in HS because she dropped the 'i love you' after 3-4 weeks and it spooked me (I did take her virginity I guess tbf) but in retrospect she was pretty great at hooking up and I shouldn'ta torpedo'd it

Unsurprising that women think men are shits

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Being a nice guy is basically just trying to purchase sex via some kind of pre-monetarist favor-based bartering system.

Just hire a goddamn hooker and be done with it.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



DreamShipWrecked posted:

ITHelpDesk.txt, nice guy stories from my SO

> Hey, can I buy you a drink? (From the vending machine, at work)

I thought you meant the vending machine was being a nice guy and hitting on your SO and I was looking forward to a parody post where women thought they were being hit on by machines.

"Please insert 20˘"
"gently caress you, I don't owe you anything creep"

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Troposphere posted:

I had a dude tell me once I drew my eyebrows too thick so the next day I drew them even thicker out of pure spite

I had a girlfriend who said I was starting to get fat so I gained 250lbs. That taught her a lesson.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Troposphere posted:

definitely the same thing as some random dude I didn't know telling me my makeup was wrong, good job

Or maybe I was just making a joke and you don't need to take posts in gbs personally

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Lots of men wear makeup too. Not shitloads, but foundation is ace.

I mean lipstick is cool too but that's just for indoors

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



The rule of wearing a fedora is that you can wear a fedora if you look like the kind of person who doesn't know what Reddit is. So either an old man or an adventuring archaeologist.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



I feel bad for bald nerds though. Either they get sunburned heads or the have to go with a cap or a loving sixpence.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



CaptainSarcastic posted:

I think girls can wear them, too.

As long as they look like they don't know what Reddit is.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



I'm not really surprised moridin not only wore a fedora, but wore a fedora before it was cool.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



I've never heard of a SnapBack before but it looks exactly like a cap. What's the difference?

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Moridin920 posted:

if you really want a laugh I only did it because some other kid wore a top hat all the time and his nickname was 'tophat' and was fairly popular so I was like 'why does he get to have the only cool hat'



Haha, that's pretty great. We didn't really do hats in the uk, but when I was a teen everyone started wearing waistcoats which is in the same league as fedoras.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



canyoneer posted:

It's the adjustable part in the back dingus

I own one baseball cap and people made fun of me for looking like an American.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002




That just reads as 'please gently caress me I'm the reeaaaal nice guy'

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Grand Prize Winner posted:

this is exactly why I have a trucker cap on my head right now. I like it because it says "I am an idiot with no fashion sense, gently caress you"

I'm surprised all that fits on a trucker cap

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Profondo Rosso posted:

ithikn hurting people physically is bad

Unless they ask for it like in 50 shades of grey or whatever the moms are jerking off to nowadays

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



AugmentedVision posted:

wow this thread really sucks

Unlike women am I right bros high five?

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



Moridin920 posted:

Why can't I get a gf? GOD I HATE WOMEN




To be fair he seems to voluntarily removing himself from the gene pool so...

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



I tried on a fedora at the store today because of this thread as a joke to see if I could pull off a fedora.

Nope. I mean I'd like to think I'm not ugly, but if you aren't a solid 9 or 10 you can't make a fedora work.

I bought a giant rubber bucket hat instead. I still look like a dick, but at least it works in the rain and it shows I'm probably not a sex predator.

RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002




Same

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RobattoJesus
Aug 13, 2002



I've never thrown anything at my wife and she's never thrown anything at me.

I did once slam my laptop really hard and it broke because of gbs 1.0 though. So I guess if I was dating gbs I might be a danger.

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