|
Goes into a Starbucks and orders a latte. Gives cashier $5 and gets 2 cent back extra in change. Start to giggle, looking at the cashier "A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one" Shyly runs out of the store while nobody pays any mind.
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:07 |
|
|
# ? Apr 29, 2024 16:27 |
|
*gets into fights* STOP HOLDING ME BACK LIKE OBI WAN DID
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:10 |
|
sitting alone in the dark bathroom frantically scrubbing, saying “now this is pod racing...”
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:10 |
|
Get to work and theres a poll on the front page asking who is the best cat. Garfield was the clear winner. Get an email from a coworker saying the poll is rigged, because her cat didn't win and send a bunch of cute pictures of her cat. Reply: "This is outrageous, this is unfair" She laughs and said haha yeah its outrageous!
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:10 |
|
Get an email from my manager titled "For my ladies today" which has an inspirational meme talking about being yourself and being queen. Reply: "Not just the women, but the men and children too." No reply back.
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:14 |
|
"Sir, can you please sign this bill of lading?" "I will sign no treaty, Senator. My fate will be no different to that of our people."
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:16 |
|
Important Job interview, the CEO asks me, "where do you see yourself in five years?" MEEESA BE THE LAST PERSON YOU HEAR AT THE END OF RETURN OF THE JEDI! Got the job
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:18 |
|
*fireman wrenches open mangled car door with the Jaws of Life, I'm bleeding out inside* 'my god... what happened here?' 'Mesa cause one, two-y little bitty axadentes, huh? Yud say boom de gasser, den crashin der bosses heyblibber, den banished.'
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:19 |
|
Coworker can't find email so he starts bitching. He says that he just cleared out his inbox but it should be in the deleted folder. reply: "Impossible. The archives must be incomplete" He says I'm right, it says that it hasn't finished indexing yet and thanks me.
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:20 |
|
When a telemarketer calls my phone. "You LOSE, general Marketer!!!" *throws phone out the window*
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:22 |
|
LOVE LOVE SKELETON posted:sitting alone in the dark bathroom frantically scrubbing, saying “now this is pod racing...”
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:22 |
|
Answer every phone call "Hello There"
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:24 |
|
"I hate getting sand in my oval office." -- Anakin Skywalker
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:25 |
|
Over There posted:Goes into a Starbucks and orders a latte. Gives cashier $5 and gets 2 cent back extra in change. ironic
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:26 |
|
Been in a relationship for about 3 years now. Just found out that they've been cheating on me for the past 2. Finally confront them with it. "Its over, I have the high ground" start crying.
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:27 |
|
Marlboro for Cats posted:"I hate getting sand in my oval office." -- Anakin Skywalker -- Anakin Skywalker
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:27 |
|
Girlfriend wants to take the relationship further: "Did I ever tell you of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?"
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:30 |
|
Universe Master posted:Girlfriend wants to take the relationship further: "Did I ever tell you of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise?" girlfriend: It's treason then.
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 15:32 |
|
A friend of a friend invites me to a party, and of course people start arguing about politics. When tensions are high, I proclaim, 'We must keep our faith in the Republic. The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it', and everyone claps.
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 16:14 |
|
Physics professor explaining about Schrodinger's cat Me: "Only a sith deals in absolutes"
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 16:17 |
|
Me thinking about posting this thread "Don't try it"
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 16:19 |
|
me getting out of bed in the morning every single day
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 16:21 |
|
Waiting for silence in the office... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHCyDxxXog4
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 16:21 |
|
Hell Yeah posted:me getting out of bed in the morning every single day
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:11 |
|
What if people start countering you back with spaceballs quotes?
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:19 |
|
Over There posted:Answer every phone call "Hello There" “It’s, jammed!”
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:20 |
|
5
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:36 |
|
"Hey Mozi, can you bring the pizza to game night this time?" "It is with great reluctance that I have agreed to this calling. I love democracy. I love the Republic. Once this crisis has abated, I will lay down the powers you have given me!"
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:37 |
|
ClamdestineBoyster posted:What if people start countering you back with spaceballs quotes? "gently caress! Even in the future nothing works."
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:42 |
|
I love democracy
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:42 |
|
Mozi posted:*fireman wrenches open mangled car door with the Jaws of Life, I'm bleeding out inside*
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 17:47 |
|
ArbitraryC posted:Copier jams *new employee walks up to the water cooler in a flannel shirt* “He’s gone... plaid!”
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 18:30 |
|
what's the matter colonel sandurz? chicken?
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 18:51 |
|
ArchNemesis posted:what's the matter colonel sandurz? chicken?
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 18:53 |
|
*super fat naked guy rides by on a bicycle* BARF.
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 19:01 |
|
Me playing as Rome in civ 5 and conquering all the independent city states "I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire"
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:12 |
|
*in wake of Charlottesville protest* "There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere."
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:12 |
|
Working in a music store: a guy comes in with his kid and wants to buy him a full drum kit. I look at the kid with contempt and say "Wesa give yousa una bongo. "
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:14 |
|
*quitting my job* Time to abandon ship! Heh heh heh *cough cough wughh*
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:14 |
|
|
# ? Apr 29, 2024 16:27 |
|
Interviewing the latest candidate for a senior position, but he looks to be in his twenties "I expected someone of your reputation to be a little... older."
|
# ? Aug 10, 2018 20:23 |